Thread by @kunley_drukpa

PAEDOPHILIA IN THE MODERN BRITISH ESTABLISHMENT: A BRIEF HISTORY

Nonce. Perv. Namby-Pamby. Free Willy. Slot Badger. Bush Dodger. Peepin’ Jim. Small Bean Regarder. Pump Pant Pilot. Bunty Man… PEDO!

Just how deepseated is wanton noncery in the British Establishment?

THREAD

Otter bothering was an unspoken part of Britain’s elite boarding school culture. Boys quickly learnt to stay on their toes around schoolmasters, who would hide in elaborate locations, like cupboards and under beds, and leap out on unsuspecting students in an attempt to nonce them

Britain’s entry into the open borders EU was lead by a Secret Society in London’s glitzy Pall Mall who revered the pederastic slave boy noncing of the classical world, known as the ‘Fiddlers’ Century Club’, to secure for themselves a steady supply of Eastern European batty boys

Pant Budgie Supremo Ted Heath used to have shipments of working class boys delivered to his office in No.10 from local Comprehensives, smuggled in in disguise in giant ming vases staffers dubbed ‘Kinder Surprises’ which he would smash open with a mallet to extract his sick prize

Heath’s proclivities were a source of embarrassment for his successor Mrs Thatcher. She insisted Heath be locked in a room with representatives from a Paedophile Survivors Charity to help ‘beat out his sickness’, but events ended in tragedy when Heath nonced the entire delegation

Recalling the episode for her memoirs, Mrs Thatcher said “It was the one thing we didn’t want to happen”

The culture of raucous, gratuitous noncing didn’t stop at No.10: its lubricated tentacles stretched into the BBC. Jimmy Saville was infamously given license fee money to procure boys known as ‘Jimmy’s Angels’ who would be drugged with a pill informally called ‘Saville’s Delight’

Oxford University is infamous for its noncing societies. Though David Cameron denied ever being part of the elite Robert de Vere Society, (named after Richard II’s pit munching advisor,) rumours abound he participated in the group’s sick working class spazz noncing hazing ritual

To ensure Party unity, Alastair Campbell blackmailed new MPs. Candidates would be blindfolded and taken nominally to chat with Rolf Harris. With cameras rolling, Harris would let them ‘have a go’ on his ‘Wobbleboard’. But they were actually ‘having a go’ on small Vietnamese boys

The Rotherham noncings did not directly involve the Establishment but the institutional failure to give the Biriyani Bum Bandits the stairwell bashing they had coming to them proved damning, especially so when the chief investigator was himself caught in a Log Flume-based noncing

Prince Andrew’s ties to international shrub rocketeer Jeffrey Epstein are well known but less known is the deal he ‘cut’ with his father Philip. Fond of older, sinewy ‘marks’, Andrew was given free rein to ‘bag’ young Duke of Edinburgh Awardees at the scheme’s Award Ceremonies

The Crown Prince of Todgertown would load the ‘bags’ into the back of a Vauxhall Astra and drive them out of London, sometimes as far afield as Swindon or Kettering, where elaborate sick noncing dungeons were installed in the basements of several decoy branches of Pizza Express