•| secrets |•
When one asks namjoon about his first meeting with yoongi, he would smile dumbly. His dimples on display, he would narrate the first time yg talked (cursed at him) to him.
It was an ordinary school day. nj's head was submerged inside two books at once.
When one asks namjoon about his first meeting with yoongi, he would smile dumbly. His dimples on display, he would narrate the first time yg talked (cursed at him) to him.
It was an ordinary school day. nj's head was submerged inside two books at once.
At the far corner of his school library, he had created his own solitary castle. Yg was his senior, a twelfth standard 'cool' senior. And nj, he was awestruck.
Yg was looking for some book, nj was looking at him. In his hazy, awestruck self he didn't know when he had covered the distance between them. He had collided directly with yg ( already irked yg).
Yoongi had scowled, "Fuvking watch your way nerd".
Yoongi had scowled, "Fuvking watch your way nerd".
And had walked away.
While nj had stood there, watching his back, as if yg had shown him the greatest secrets of life. Maybe he had.
While nj had stood there, watching his back, as if yg had shown him the greatest secrets of life. Maybe he had.
When one asks YG about his first meeting with NJ, his eyebrows creases thoughtfully. He denies NJ's claim of the library.
According to Min Yoongi, he first saw Kim Namjoon in college (or outside of college.)
It was quite a memorable day.
According to Min Yoongi, he first saw Kim Namjoon in college (or outside of college.)
It was quite a memorable day.
Their college had a three day fest, YG was the DJ on the second day. He still remembers the pure adrenaline rush he had experienced.
He still remembers getting out late. It was almost midnight. That day he had borrowed his friend's bike, buses don't run until midnight.
He still remembers getting out late. It was almost midnight. That day he had borrowed his friend's bike, buses don't run until midnight.
On the starlit road from his college, the kind of road covered with trees from both sides, he had seen NJ. A tall, lanky figure slowly walking solitary.
"Come on kid you won't get buses now." YG had stopped beside him.
The kid, NJ had gaped at him, his eyes unblinking.
"Come on kid you won't get buses now." YG had stopped beside him.
The kid, NJ had gaped at him, his eyes unblinking.
YG had snapped his fingers before him.
NJ had bit his lower lip.
“Come on I’ll give u a lift.” YG had encouraged.
NJ had nodded after several seconds of contemplating.
Turned out NJ lived in the same dorm, the building next to YG's.
NJ had bit his lower lip.
“Come on I’ll give u a lift.” YG had encouraged.
NJ had nodded after several seconds of contemplating.
Turned out NJ lived in the same dorm, the building next to YG's.
“Did you eat anything?” YG had asked, parking his bike.
“Yeah around 3pm”
“That’s lunch dumbass-“ YG checked his phone. “-you are a freshie right?”
NJ had nodded.
“Ever went to college parties?”
NJ had shoke his head, he didn’t know much people to attend parties.
“Yeah around 3pm”
“That’s lunch dumbass-“ YG checked his phone. “-you are a freshie right?”
NJ had nodded.
“Ever went to college parties?”
NJ had shoke his head, he didn’t know much people to attend parties.
In his class too, he had a reputation of a topper, nerd, a bit of stringent being. And he somehow knew answers to all the profs questions. So, his fate was sealed.
All half of his first year was spent in his room or library, or answering others doubts.
All half of his first year was spent in his room or library, or answering others doubts.
“It’s time for you to go to one kid, follow me.” YG patted his back.
“Not a kid.” NJ had mumbled following him.
That day, NJ had ended up getting drunk. Opening up to a lot of seniors at once. Talking shit unrestricted. And vomiting his guts out.
“Not a kid.” NJ had mumbled following him.
That day, NJ had ended up getting drunk. Opening up to a lot of seniors at once. Talking shit unrestricted. And vomiting his guts out.
The next day he had woken up with a hammer inside his head.
YG had just laughed at him, giving him hangover medicines, ruffling his hair.
“Get ready in twenty, let’s eat breakfast before going to college.” YG had called him, eyes fond.
---
YG had just laughed at him, giving him hangover medicines, ruffling his hair.
“Get ready in twenty, let’s eat breakfast before going to college.” YG had called him, eyes fond.
---
• *gasp* and they were roommates.
• *gasp* *gasp* there was only one bed.
• *gasp* *gasp* there was only one bed.
They didn’t interact much after that. Greeted each other occasionally, made small talks at the parking lot, waited for buses together.
NJ was a engineer student, YG had liberal arts. Their paths seemed to be converging into one another sky and sea, too close yet far away.
NJ was a engineer student, YG had liberal arts. Their paths seemed to be converging into one another sky and sea, too close yet far away.
Their ways didn’t collide, they were parallels, existing at the same time breathing the same air, like beach and the sea.
NJ would have called them acquaintance, YG had merely shrugged at that time.
NJ would have called them acquaintance, YG had merely shrugged at that time.
One unfortunate (very very fortunate) day their paths collided, like the beach sand ending up in sea, their lives ended up tangled too.
A chaotic mess they still couldn’t solve.
The pipelines of YG's floor broke. The whole floor was flooded with toilet water.
A chaotic mess they still couldn’t solve.
The pipelines of YG's floor broke. The whole floor was flooded with toilet water.
The pipelines of Yoongi’s floor broke. The whole floor was flooded with toilet water. His fellow ‘floor mates' had their precious books clutched to their chest, YG had just returned from his part time job.
The welcome wasn’t much appreciated by him.
The welcome wasn’t much appreciated by him.
As a solution (not really) the owners told them to move to the other building for the time being.
YG had knocked at the door of his assigned room, biting his nails nervously, his own precious belongings clutched tightly with him.
YG had knocked at the door of his assigned room, biting his nails nervously, his own precious belongings clutched tightly with him.
He was welcomed by a sleepy NJ, his hair tousled, bare tan chest flashing right in front of his eyes and shorts clad thighs looking weirdly fleshy (even for then not buffy NJ).
“I’m your roommate now.” YG had thrown his bag at him, distracting himself.
“I’m your roommate now.” YG had thrown his bag at him, distracting himself.
NJ had caught his bag clumsily, blinked sleep out of his eyes, watched YG's back, as if Yoongi had told him the strangest secrets.
Maybe he had.
Maybe he had.
YG’s entry in his room ensued a storm. The sand particles taking up sea waves.
The repairing needed atleast 2-3 months. YG and NJ were stuck being temporary roommates.
They had fought, every single day.
The repairing needed atleast 2-3 months. YG and NJ were stuck being temporary roommates.
They had fought, every single day.
NJ wanted the right of the bed, it suited him best. YG had wanted right side of the bed, it helped him sleep.
Even if they solved that one quarrel, NJ way too big with his unnecessary long legs and hands. Often YG woke up with half of NJ's weight on him.
Even if they solved that one quarrel, NJ way too big with his unnecessary long legs and hands. Often YG woke up with half of NJ's weight on him.
One day YG had kicked started his day (literally), NJ had pushed him out of the bed. He had grumbled about his back the whole day, kicking NJ in feeble attempt of revenge.
NJ hated sharing his soap and shampoo. YG was too forgetful to buy a new one.
NJ hated sharing his soap and shampoo. YG was too forgetful to buy a new one.
YG kept his things tidy, the room clean, NJ never kept his shoes in the right place.
YG didn’t like too spicy ramen, all NJ ever brought was spicy ramen.
YG didn’t like too spicy ramen, all NJ ever brought was spicy ramen.
Every single day they were bickering, throwing things at eachother.
Once NJ had locked YG inside the bathroom in his pettiness, resulting in YG missing an important lecture.
YG had switched off NJ’s alarm for revenge. They were both late that day.
Once NJ had locked YG inside the bathroom in his pettiness, resulting in YG missing an important lecture.
YG had switched off NJ’s alarm for revenge. They were both late that day.
The cycle was never ending. In their pettiness they deliberately did things to irk the other.
One time YG had moved their bed just an inch to the right. NJ had stubbed his toe for a weak straight.
NJ had replaced his normal shampoo with blue colour dye once.
One time YG had moved their bed just an inch to the right. NJ had stubbed his toe for a weak straight.
NJ had replaced his normal shampoo with blue colour dye once.
YG had boasted about his great looks but refused to even look at him for a whole week.
It was the second week of the second month.
YG's part time usually ended by nine pm, he was home by nine thirty. But that day he was late, terribly so.
NJ noticed at ten, YG usually informed him. He had worried his lips. Waiting for him.
YG's part time usually ended by nine pm, he was home by nine thirty. But that day he was late, terribly so.
NJ noticed at ten, YG usually informed him. He had worried his lips. Waiting for him.
At precisely, ten fifteen he had started pacing, back and forth. Considering to call or message. Mind wandering to strange scenarios.
YG was infuriating, uptight, petty like him, but he could never be irresponsible.
He had ran to the door at soft knocks.
YG was infuriating, uptight, petty like him, but he could never be irresponsible.
He had ran to the door at soft knocks.
He had opened the door to a ragged, very tired looking YG. There were scratches on his face, his lips bleeding red. His shoulders hunched, he seemed to be smaller than he already was.
YG hadn't uttered a word, limped his way to the bathroom.
YG hadn't uttered a word, limped his way to the bathroom.
NJ had followed with a minimal first aid box (that YG had bickered to keep because "Joon-ah you can’t fuvking go a day without getting scratched".)
YG had sighed, complying when NJ had declared to clean his wounds.
“What happened?” NJ had asked, voice just above a whisper.
YG had sighed, complying when NJ had declared to clean his wounds.
“What happened?” NJ had asked, voice just above a whisper.
“Fight, broke my enemies bones.” YG had winked playfully.
NJ had glared, not the time to joke.
“hyung-”
YG had stared at him, feline eyes tired.
“Accident.” He had mumbled softly.
NJ had glared, not the time to joke.
“hyung-”
YG had stared at him, feline eyes tired.
“Accident.” He had mumbled softly.
They stayed quite, NJ carefully bandaging his wounds. YG had limped out of the bathroom, his left hand hanging rigidly by his side.
NJ sat there watching YG’s back, as if YG had hidden a small secret from him.
NJ sat there watching YG’s back, as if YG had hidden a small secret from him.
That day NJ had willingly slept on the left side, apparently;
“Right lost it’s vibe for me, hyung.”
The right side’s lost vibe had never been found from the void.
NJ had tried cleaning, tried not to crowd a small sleeping YG on the bed.
“Right lost it’s vibe for me, hyung.”
The right side’s lost vibe had never been found from the void.
NJ had tried cleaning, tried not to crowd a small sleeping YG on the bed.
YG had been too tired to bicker, to retort with snarky comments, didn't even scold him.
The strange silence had been too loud for NJ.
The strange silence had been too loud for NJ.
On the fourth day of the third week. YG had begrudgingly admitted about his shoulder injury.
“I thought it will be okay in a while.” He had sighed.
“You need to go to a doc hyung.” NJ had nudged him gently.
“I thought it will be okay in a while.” He had sighed.
“You need to go to a doc hyung.” NJ had nudged him gently.
The afternoon sun cruel on them, the bus out of sight.
YG had nodded, hesitated, taken a deep breath.
“Would you come with me?” His voice too quite in the calm, scorching afternoon. Eyes mirroring something unspeakable.
YG had nodded, hesitated, taken a deep breath.
“Would you come with me?” His voice too quite in the calm, scorching afternoon. Eyes mirroring something unspeakable.
NJ had nodded, gently but really really awkwardly squeezing his right shoulder. Their bus had finally showed it’s mercy.
YG had walked first, NJ had watched his back, as if YG had shown him a little secret.
YG had walked first, NJ had watched his back, as if YG had shown him a little secret.
Their three months had been up, a bit too soon for them.
“Yoongi you can move tomorrow.” His owner had informed, standing at their door, keys jingling in his hand.
They had gaped at him, in between a fight about the last slice of a day old pizza.
“Yoongi you can move tomorrow.” His owner had informed, standing at their door, keys jingling in his hand.
They had gaped at him, in between a fight about the last slice of a day old pizza.
“No” They both had blurted out in unison. Then blinked at eachother awkwardly.
The owner had furrowed his brows, they had furrowed theirs in response.
“What?” The owner had drawled.
“We are- I'm with being roommates with him.” NJ had stuttered out.
The owner had furrowed his brows, they had furrowed theirs in response.
“What?” The owner had drawled.
“We are- I'm with being roommates with him.” NJ had stuttered out.
“Yeah, I am settled just fine here, would take my rest of the items from that room.” YG had stated quietly.
The owner had shrugged, closing the door behind him.
They had stared eachother awkwardly. Both shit at conveying their emotions, communication was alien to them.
The owner had shrugged, closing the door behind him.
They had stared eachother awkwardly. Both shit at conveying their emotions, communication was alien to them.
YG had gotten up, cutting the pizza slice into two.
“Thought you would jump to the first opportunity and move out hyung.” NJ had teased, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“Thought you would throw me out at the first opportunity.” YG had retorted, making his way to the bed.
“Thought you would jump to the first opportunity and move out hyung.” NJ had teased, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“Thought you would throw me out at the first opportunity.” YG had retorted, making his way to the bed.
NJ sat there watching YG's back, as if there was a secret tucked between them.
- - -
About a year of them being ‘temporary roommates’ and the sand was settling inside the ocean.
NJ’s heart was sailing. He should have found it strange. But this feeling was familiar, too real. The more he thought about it, the more he lost his grasp.
About a year of them being ‘temporary roommates’ and the sand was settling inside the ocean.
NJ’s heart was sailing. He should have found it strange. But this feeling was familiar, too real. The more he thought about it, the more he lost his grasp.
The feeling forged into his bones, like sand into the beach.
He found it like one finds a lost coin, somewhere between the creases of his heart.
He found it like one finds a lost coin, somewhere between the creases of his heart.
One day he was just a normal nineteen year old, living with his twenty year old senior. The next day YG’s mere gummy smile left him breathless, his deep morning voice froze him, melted his rough edges, made him a ravished piece of red being.
When one asks NJ about the day he fell in love, he furrows his brows in concentration. He denies to pinpoint a time, love could never be defined by a mere moment.
He could have fallen the first time, when YG had first cursed at him or when he had smiled at him. He can't pick.
He could have fallen the first time, when YG had first cursed at him or when he had smiled at him. He can't pick.
But he could narrate the story of his epiphany hitting him hard (literally).
NJ was sitting in the bus, a book in his hand, too concentrated to notice his stop.
It took him thirty minutes more to come back to the real world and another five to grasp the situation.
NJ was sitting in the bus, a book in his hand, too concentrated to notice his stop.
It took him thirty minutes more to come back to the real world and another five to grasp the situation.
It was late at night. After getting off at a random stop, he had checked the buses. None was available.
Debating his options to either walk or take an expensive cab. He had opted for the third one, calling and getting scolded by YG.
Debating his options to either walk or take an expensive cab. He had opted for the third one, calling and getting scolded by YG.
YG had cursed him on the phone. Called him a dumbass and asked him to wait for at least twenty minutes.
NJ had mumbled an okay, sharing his current location. Sitting still at the eerily quite bus stop.
NJ had mumbled an okay, sharing his current location. Sitting still at the eerily quite bus stop.
“Joon-ah” YG had called him, his black hair messed up, his black hoodie swallowing him up, looking a bit small on the borrowed bike. “you dumbass- how many times have I told you to not fuvking read in the bus, you mtfkr”
“sorry.” NJ mumbled, head bowed.
“sorry.” NJ mumbled, head bowed.
YG had smacked him on the head asking;
“Did you eat?”
NJ had mumbled a no.
“Come on I found a new, cheap and fuvking delicious place.” Yoongi had flashed his gummy smile, quickly beckoning him over.
“Did you eat?”
NJ had mumbled a no.
“Come on I found a new, cheap and fuvking delicious place.” Yoongi had flashed his gummy smile, quickly beckoning him over.
The smiled had elecyrified NJ’s slow brain, turned his heart upside down, grabbing that feeling and handed it over to him in a platter full of tteot-bokki.
It didn’t take him long to dive in with that rolling wave. It was too easy to give in. YG was too easy to love.
It didn’t take him long to dive in with that rolling wave. It was too easy to give in. YG was too easy to love.
That day, while entering inside their room, NJ had watched YG’s back, holding on to a secret.
It was ending of NJ’s second year. He had made some friends, attended a party.
They had challenged him into a drinking game. Drinking with a high tolerance like YG had given NJ an edge. He had won but lost his tolerance in the end.
They had challenged him into a drinking game. Drinking with a high tolerance like YG had given NJ an edge. He had won but lost his tolerance in the end.
He had knocked way too loudly at the door. YG had scowled at him. NJ had smiled a loopsided, wide, drunk smile.
“Unlike you, I love my sleep time Joon.” YH had grumbled, giving him a glass of water.
NJ had drank all the water at once.
“Unlike you, I love my sleep time Joon.” YH had grumbled, giving him a glass of water.
NJ had drank all the water at once.
Pulled YG in, caging him in both his arms. YG had gasped, taken aback (literally).
“And I love you hyung.” He had sing songed, way too gone to know his own words.
YG had huffed his way out, releasing from his grip.
“Go to sleep fucker, you have classes tomorrow.”
“And I love you hyung.” He had sing songed, way too gone to know his own words.
YG had huffed his way out, releasing from his grip.
“Go to sleep fucker, you have classes tomorrow.”
NJ had stood there blinking, watched YG's back, as if NJ just hadn’t admitted his secret.
When one asks Yoongi about the day he fell in love, he would smile, wide with his gums on display, his cheeks a bit red.
He knew the exact moments he fell in love, tumbled down that narrow hole multiple times.
It wasn’t much of a story to tell (really).
He knew the exact moments he fell in love, tumbled down that narrow hole multiple times.
It wasn’t much of a story to tell (really).
It was NJ’s big, unapologetic gentle, caring eyes paired up with deepest of dimples. His unsaid words, clumsy care and hidden actions.
It was the day he got into an accident, NJ had opened the gate with million questions swimming in his eyes. His mouth down turned with worry.
It was the day he got into an accident, NJ had opened the gate with million questions swimming in his eyes. His mouth down turned with worry.
The day YG realized, how he hated that expression on him. NJ had so gently cleaned his wounds, scolded him for not calling him. Made an overcooked rice and then had gotten flustered.
There was a welcomed feeling settling inside his heart, NJ strangely felt like home.
There was a welcomed feeling settling inside his heart, NJ strangely felt like home.
It was also when YG had woken up early, NJ’s half weight on him. Again.
YG had stared at him for a long time, his untamed (a little long now) hair fanning on the pillow, his one leg caging YG other thrown far away left, his mouth slightly open with drool pooling down his lips.
YG had stared at him for a long time, his untamed (a little long now) hair fanning on the pillow, his one leg caging YG other thrown far away left, his mouth slightly open with drool pooling down his lips.
He liked it. Would love to wake up to this sight everyday.
And many more times, some things that NJ said, some he did. It was too easy to love him, like breathing a big gulp of fresh air after spending a whole day submerged in work.
And many more times, some things that NJ said, some he did. It was too easy to love him, like breathing a big gulp of fresh air after spending a whole day submerged in work.
For his sanity and NJ’s (but mostly his) YG had kept it in. Locked inside his heart, didn't even acknowledge it, for the fear of it being too real.
Adding small instances everyday. If YG ever write a book, it would be 101 and more reasons to love Namjoon.
Adding small instances everyday. If YG ever write a book, it would be 101 and more reasons to love Namjoon.
He was careful, too careful not to spill it out. Nothing could be kept for too long.
Not when it is threatening to spill out every second, when he looks at him, when they bicker, when they part their ways for classes or when they tiredly meet at the stop again.
It was the month of their finals, YG had an assignment pending. A doom according to him.
It was the month of their finals, YG had an assignment pending. A doom according to him.
His nerves were wrecking him, for some reason he thought his assignment was ‘shit’. Biting his nails, he had made all the necessary editing. His brain was still screaming shit.
“How about I read it hyung?” NJ had propositioned, his dimples did comfort YG for a moment.
“How about I read it hyung?” NJ had propositioned, his dimples did comfort YG for a moment.
“You don’t know a single fuck about it Joon-ah.” YG had huffed, trying not to cave in the weight of those caring eyes. Trying not to read too much in the slight furrow of his brows or hold his extended hands in his.
He had done it twice, held his hand. Once when they were at the doctor's for his shoulder injury, another time when NJ had a fever and didn't let go of his hand whole night. YG had willingly obliged.
“And that’s why my opinion about your assignment will be unbiased.” He had taken the laptop standing up, taking advantage of his too tall self and YG's small self.
He had read it, giving his insights.
“I submitted it.” Yoongi had declared later, biting his nails.
He had read it, giving his insights.
“I submitted it.” Yoongi had declared later, biting his nails.
“You will get great marks hyungie.” NJ had smiled, patting his back awkwardly.
“I will kill you if I don’t.” YG had squinted his eyes, heart unfolding another deep hole for him to fall in.
“I will kill you if I don’t.” YG had squinted his eyes, heart unfolding another deep hole for him to fall in.
It was after their finals, YG and NJ had been watching a movie. YG had gotten the notification. He had gotten top five highest marks for his that particular assignment.
YG had gaped at the marks.
YG had gaped at the marks.
“I told you hyung, I fuvking told you. Your take was something refreshing hyung that old hag should have given you full marks but this is good too right-“ Namjoon had jumped off the bed excitedly, spilling water on the floor.
Smugness dripping out with a sense of pride.
Smugness dripping out with a sense of pride.
“I fucking love you Kim Namjoon.” YG had whispered, heart slipping that feeling before he could hold on.
NJ had paused, his bright-big eyes widening more. Mouth hanging enough to accomodate a fly, YG's own heart stuttered at the recognition, implications of his word.
NJ had paused, his bright-big eyes widening more. Mouth hanging enough to accomodate a fly, YG's own heart stuttered at the recognition, implications of his word.
“W-what?” He had stuttered.
“I’m in love with you.” YG had had declared with conviction. Biting his nails as NJ opened and closed his mouth multiple times.
It was just an inch difference between them, YG looking up at him, yet it felt like miles.
“I’m in love with you.” YG had had declared with conviction. Biting his nails as NJ opened and closed his mouth multiple times.
It was just an inch difference between them, YG looking up at him, yet it felt like miles.
Then NJ had moved, sitting down at the edge of the bed beside him. Close yet far away. Gently taking his hands, caressing his nuckles.
“Hyung-“ his voice was watery, pleading.
YG had understood, moved quickly.
“Hyung-“ his voice was watery, pleading.
YG had understood, moved quickly.
“Joon-ah.” YG had whispered, a bit scared. What if this pleading was a rejection? His nerves on fire he moved closer. Their foreheads joining.
NJ took a deep breath, closing his eyes. YG could see his eyelashes fanning the apple of his cheeks.
NJ took a deep breath, closing his eyes. YG could see his eyelashes fanning the apple of his cheeks.
The mole just below his pillowy lips. His mind running for actions to take up next. He didn't want to loose him, as a roommate, as a friend or as someone that could have been.
YG closed his eyes too.
YG closed his eyes too.
“I love you too hyung.” NJ had whispered quietly, voice a little breathless.
YG had opened his eyes to see those deep dimples in all their glory.
YG had opened his eyes to see those deep dimples in all their glory.
When one asks NJ who kissed first, he would proudly point at himself. Narrating how pretty YG was, how scared he was, NJ for a moment had thought it was a joke. But then YG had stayed with their foreheads pressed together and NJ had almost cried. Almost.
When one asks YG who kissed first, he would smile, a little red on his cheeks, roll his eyes at NJ and declare it was a joint effort (but really it never mattered, the mattering fact was that at the end of their first kiss, they both were breathless with a loopy grin).
They had never agreed upon a certain answer.
It had been years. How many? NJ says he had stopped counting, YG never counted.
It had been years. How many? NJ says he had stopped counting, YG never counted.
NJ had multiple epiphanies through out these years. YG with his messy black hair, sleepy eyes and snarky remarks had defined love, settling inside him like sand in deep seas.
YG falls deeper in new holes every day, digs up s new one just in case.
YG falls deeper in new holes every day, digs up s new one just in case.
Every single for an unusually tall (YG liked it, how safe NJ's big self was for him) clumsy, innocent shiny eyes, dimpled NJ.
YG still takes the right side of the bed, while he takes the left one. NJ still takes up three forth of their bed, YG just sticks closer.
YG still takes the right side of the bed, while he takes the left one. NJ still takes up three forth of their bed, YG just sticks closer.
One hand on YGs waist, in the sunshine of lazy mornings, NJ watches his back, as if YG had shared the greatest secrets of his existence.
Maybe he had.
Maybe he had.
-The End🌼
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