Thread by @ooana

On the 24th I need to fly back to NYC. I’m already feeling dread. Acclimation over time made this bearable. The last time I returned in December it was like being thrown into the pot of boiling water.

Remember that swamp scene in Never Ending Story? I was shocked how

https://twitter.com/ooana/status/1450091964519567361

dark and hopeless and worthless I felt. Really. Worthless. I know it’s a strong word.

I was in an abusive relationship from 16-21 with an older man. Recently my therapist said that it made sense that this came to mind a lot - because I’m in another abusive relationship, but this time it’s not simply a man.

I’m scared. I know that it will feel unbearable at times and I’ll just want to sink and accept my lot. Why? Because in a very real and I wish I didn’t think but I do - shameful way, it’s easier just to fall into the darkness than keep my wits about me. Why? Because it’s madness

all around me there. And it was once a place I loved and it’s the only place other than the second home on fire island my family had to sell last February that I’ve known since I was 18.

Moving is hard at the best of times.

This is gonna be… ::sigh:: I hope it’s easier than

I fear it will be.

Thought it wise to get this out of me rather than have it simply squatting on my brain.

@jakewisk @JoshSlocum @sylwie_sch @postwokeneotrad @russellmann1776