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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Nov 10
I grew up in a small rural community, and I distinctly remember back in '73 how shocked all the grownups were to turn on PBS and learn about World War II for the first time
If you actually believe there is some vast Amazon lost tribe of Hick People out there in Flyover Country whose only connection to civilization is PBS and NPR, then I'm afraid you're the one living in an information desert
Please remember that (A) NPR and PBS only get 0.0001% of their funding from goverment, but (B) it's the 0.0001% that will completely destroy them if you dare cut it
Read 11 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 8
It's Lincoln Day at #DavesCarIDService, where we commemorate the reelection of Abraham Lincoln on November 8, 1864, the car brand named in his honor, and the rivalry story that connects them.

I am quite fond of both Honest Abe and Lincoln automobiles. My great-great-grandfather was a farmer who fought with the 8th Iowa Volunteer Infantry Regiment 1864-65, and my daily driver is a Lincoln MKZ. Plus I own a 1932 Ford hot rod coupe, copper colored like a Lincoln penny, with a 1932 Lincoln penny imbedded in the shift knob. Not a Lincoln motor in it, but hey, it's still my hot rod Lincoln.

And I'm also very fond of meandering stories about the automobile industry, and the Lincoln story I'm about to recount is one of my favorites.Image
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The rivalry I alluded to regarding Lincoln was between two of the true titans of the car industry: Henry Leland and Henry Ford. It's a rivalry that still exists today, nearly 125 years later.

Henry Leland was a Vermonter who was a 21 year old machinist and engineer at Colt firearms in 1864, and enthusiastically cast his first vote for Abe Lincoln in that election. When he founded Lincoln Motor Company in 1917 he explained this as the inspiration for the brand naming.

But in between, Henry Leland also founded Cadillac Motors in 1903, which he sold to the fledgling General Motors in 1909. He remained head honcho at Cadillac 1909-1917, working with Charles Kettering to develop the first electric starter in 1913.

But here's where the rivalry comes in: Cadillac was formed from the ashes of the Henry Ford Company. It was Henry Ford's second failed startup car company, and Leland was one of the appraisers brought in by Ford's creditors for its liquidation sale. Long story short, Leland ended up with much of Ford's machinery and tooling, which were used to make the first Cadillacs.

After those first two strikeouts, in 1903 Henry Ford hit a towering home run with the Ford Motor Company. It made him the richest man in the world, but that 1902 liquidation sale, and the success of Cadillac, really stuck in his craw, by cracky.Image
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When the first 1921 Lincoln Model Ls debuted in late 1920 Model M. His later Cadillacs would become more opulent and luxurious, status symbols. In 1917 he was no spring chicken, 74 years old and being maneuvered out at GM, when he decided to form the new independent Lincoln Motor Company.

It was targeted as rival status brand to Cadillac, but the first Lincoln car wouldn't be made until late 1920. Leland financed the new company with a government contract to produce Liberty V12 aircraft engines during WW1; pic 2 shows him and his team with one of those mills.

When the first 1921 Lincoln Model Ls debuted in late 1920 they were dandies, a worthy rival to Cadillac. But it was hemmhoraging money and became insolvent in 1922. And thus, in 1922, Henry the Ford would have his vengeance on Henry the Leland. He swooped in, bought the company lock stock & barrel at a bargain basement prices.

Leland thought he and his son Wilfred would remain on board at Lincoln after the sale, but oh no no, said Ford. In pic 4, a bit of a Ford touchdown dance photo with Henry and Edsel Ford (on left) signing the Lincoln deal with Henry and Wilfred Leland on right.Image
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Read 22 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Oct 31
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"no enemies on the right" promises to be the same boffo ballot box winner for the GOP that "no enemies on the left" was for the Dems
once again, if your movement's success require giving free blowjobs to neo-Nazis at interstate rest stops, then you fucking deserve to lose
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Oct 15
I don't understand why anybody would spend one second minimizing or defending somebody else's murder fantasy texts or chatroom Nazi shtick. I'm lazy and that shit seems like it'd be totally exhausting
Sure, it's easy and "fun" to merciless drag some unfortunate obese unattractivee professional political staffer after their career is ruined by a chat room leak. And this is my entire point, it's easy AND extremely fun
By "young white kids" do you mean 35 year old paid political staffers? Yes, by all means, I'm absolutely all-in on gleefully ruining their careers

Read 10 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Oct 11
Today's #DavesCarIDService crosses the streams on two of my avid interests, American cars and American college football, with a salute to the Cars of the Big Ten.

Yes, there are 18 schools in the Big Ten. I'm sorry if you don't get ironic Midwest humor. The quality of its football versus other conferences is debatable, but there's no debating that it encompasses America's historic vehicle-making region. Not just Michigan, every state represented in the Big Ten played a non-trivial role in America's car history. Even the Johnny-come-latelys who ironically pushed the school count above Ten.

To illustrate, I have selected a vehicle to represent each university in the conference, one that was made nearby.

Illinois: there were over 100 car companies founded in the state of Illinois, most in Chicago. But since UI is in Champaign-Urbana I selected one made downstate: behold an 1898 Duryea Peoria Motor Trap. The Duryea brothers were born in nearby Canton IL, and this 127 year old baby is still driving the streets of Peoria.

Indiana: Hoosiers rank only second to Michigan in importance to Michigan in car history. IU, your all-star is a 1915 Indy-made Stutz Bearcat, the Bugatti Veyron of the pre-WW1 era.

Iowa: the Hawkeye state had a few notable marques; including Colby and Maytag-Mason. But its claim to Automotive fame are native sons Fred & Augie Duesenberg. In #3, Eddie Rickenbacker driving one of the first Duesenberg branded cars ever made, a 1913 race car made in Des Moines at the Sioux City 300.

Maryland: you Terps get an 1908 Maryland, with a grille that looks a bit like a turtle.Image
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I could blather endlessly about Michigan car industry, a had hundreds of of choices for its two conference reps. In this case, I could pick brands made just off-campus.

Michigan: Wolverines get a very spacious 1911 Ann Arbor, the Big House of early touring cars.

Michigan State: a layup for Sparty, because Lansing was forever the home of Oldsmobile. 1903 curved dash Olds model R, the Model T before the Model T.Image
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Minnesota: despite my antipathy for the Gophers I am granting them a dandy, a 1911 Minneapolis 6 hp. Made by the ancestors of a pal of mine, Ky Michaelson.

Nebraska: Cornhuskers get another 2-wheeler, a Lincoln-made Cushman Airborne. Cushman virtually invented the motor scooter, and this one was used in WW2 by paratroopers.

Northwestern: Wildcats get the Chicago-made 1948 Tucker Torpedo, the star-crossed car of legend.

Ohio State: again, hundreds choices available for an Ohio made car, including the Buckeye. And couple dozen brands made in Columbus. But among them, I chose the 1910 Firestone-Columbus 7-A runabout.Image
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Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Oct 8
If I was the CEO of Dollar Tree I'd expand to the UK and call it Pound Towne
For more special content like this please like/ share/ subscribe on the socials
This is what I'm talking about, what bloke would go to Poundland when he could take his best girl downtown to Pound Towne
Read 4 tweets

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