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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
May 7
If I get hit by a car the day before I turn 65 who inherits my fucking money
So if I understand this correctly it's my fucking money, except I can't fucking check the fucking account balance, or fucking borrow against, or use as fucking collateral, or fucking leave to my kids, or fucking touch until they say so
Think of it paying 15% of your income for 50 years for a life insurance policy that names the government as the death beneficiary
Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
May 1
Who's this "we" Nutlick
"our children," but for companies Image
In honor of May 1, International Commie Day, I say let's seize the means of production from Apple and let Minister of iPhones Lutnick develop a 5 year plan for the Patriotic Peoples National Smartphone Works using the principles of scientific socialism
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Apr 29
RIP math
So if, I'm understanding this correctly, there were 119 million fentanyl junkies waiting around on American street corners for their pushers to deliver 22 million fentanyl pills that they were going to split 5 ways into 119 million deadly doses
Thanks to the quick action of the White House the pills were intercepted, sparing the nation the tragedy and smell of a 100 day corpse count 50% higher than World War II in its entirety
Read 8 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Apr 28
Education has deteriorated so drastically in California and NY nobody there is even aware of this
Once again, this is an example of Simpson's Paradox at work. States like CA and NY have overall reading & math scores above MS and LA, but when adjusted for socioeconomic factors - school lunch eligibility, family income, race - Southern states are now outperforming.
Classic example of Simpson's Paradox: in baseball, batter A has a higher batting average than batter B, yet batter B has a higher average than A against both left handed and right handed pitchers.
Read 16 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Apr 26
A happy belated License Plate Day to all who celebrate from #DavesCarIDService! On April 25, 1901 the state of New York became the first to require license plates on automobiles. Oddly, though, it did not *issue* those plates; it merely required registrants to display one prominently on their vehicle, bearing the owner's initials.

Material and construction was up to the registrant - metal, wood, leather, whatever, it didn't say. Cars were still rare enough that the initials were though sufficient to track any car down. But within a few years numbers were added, and other states quickly followed suit. Most of those very early pre-1905 license plates nationwide were of the homemade leather variety.

The first 2 photos are of extremely rare surviving 1901 NY license plates; #3, a 1902-03 NY plate with number and owner initials. In #4, a 1904 Iowa leather plate. Iowa became the first state west of the Mississippi to require license plates that year.Image
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The distinction of the first state to *issue* its own license plates goes to Massachusetts. In 1903 Masshole car registrants receive a uniform state plate, #1 going to Frederick Tudor, descendent of Boston's famed "Ice King" Frederick Tudor, who made his fortune shipping ice from the frozen north to the American South, the Caribbean, even as far as Calcutta.

The 1903 plates themselves were quite spiffy and durable, porcelainized iron plates in Navy blue and white. And worth a pretty penny today. The pair in #1 were issued to Joshua Sears of 12 Arlington St. Boston, and are the lowest number 1903 MA plates known to exist.

Within a few years states adopted the time-honored medium of sheet aluminum, stamped by a hardworking state prison convict working his way to rehabilitation. While the 1903 MA plates are quite valuable, the most expensive American plate on record is #2, a survivor aluminum 1921 Alaska Territory, which fetched $60,000 at auction.Image
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And with that, state license plates were off and running. And to me, some are among the finest examples of graphic design ever. I submit to the jury exhibits A, B, C, and D:

Idaho 1928
Arizona 1932
Wyoming 1968
Tennessee 1951

These are not mine, but I am vintage license plate collector / hoarder of a sort and may share a few of mine in tomorrow's episode.Image
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Read 29 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Apr 23
Not a single citation from the legacy press after I did all the work for them, smdh
They even got this wrong, the mystery wasn't whether it was a 1940-41 Ford Deluxe woody, it was whether it was a *1941-42* Ford Deluxe woody. It obviously isn't a 1940, and I conclusively determined it was a 1941 per the fender top marker lights. Again, smdh Image
Just when you though you couldn't hate the media enough Image
Read 10 tweets

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