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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Sep 15
I am reliable told that the assassin was a groyper, and now I'm worried that we've let groyper sympathizers overtake our university faculties, school administrations, and health care professions
The cognitive dissonance between "Kirk was killed by a violent right wing extremist" and "no public school teacher celebrating this violent murder by the extreme right wing should lose their job" is truly a wonder to behold
I think we're a few days away from the New York Times publishing a theory that the assassination was a MAGA dark web false flag psyops, filmed on a soundstage by Stanley Kubrick, and that Kirk scripted it and is now living in a secret safehouse in Argentina
Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Sep 14
Pour a bowl of Frosted Sugar Bombs and scootch up to the console TV, today's #DavesCarIDService salutes the daring racers of Saturday morning cartoons! Starting with Hanna-Barbera's Wacky Races, which debuted on CBS this day in 1968.

The series was a near-copyright infringement homage to Blake Edward's 1965 comedy "The Great Race" starring Tony Curtis, Natalie Wood, and Jack Lemmon. Its principle characters were all doppelganger for that film; Penelope Pitstop: Natalie Wood (Maggie Dubois). Peter Perfect: Tony Curtis (The Great Leslie). Dick Dastardly: Jack Lemmon (Professor Fate). Even Dastardly's sidekick pooch Muttley was a stand-in for Peter Falk (Professor Fate's hapless sidekick Max).

I'm not sure how Hanna-Barbera was able to avoid a lawsuit from Blake Edwards. What's also surprising is only 17 episodes were ever made, each 20 minutes in length, with two races per episode. It ceased production after the final first run episode aired on January 4, 1969, and the following season appeared as rerun on the CBS schedule. From 1976-82 it appeared in syndication for a new wave of Gen Xers. A Wacky Racer reboot, with all-new episodes and voice actors, ran for two seasons on Boomerang 2017-2018.

That's a surprising amount of staying power for a 17-episode TV cartoon. But as a race fan, which character had the most wins? Over the the 34 total races, it's a 4-way tie: Penelope Pitstop, Peter Perfect, The Ant Hill Mob, and Lazy Luke & Blubber Bear with 4. All the other characters had 3 first place finishes, save for Dick Dastardly & Muttley who never once won.

For a tie-breaker I decide to compute a score based on 3-2-1 points system for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd podium finishes. Final standings by Dave Points:

1. Slag Brothers (Boulder Mobile): 28
2. Rufus Ruffcut & Sawtooth (Buzzwagon): 25
3. Ant Hill Mob (Bulletproof Bomb): 24
4T. Penelope Pitstop (Compact Pussycat): 21
4T. Gruesome Twosome (Creepy Coupe): 21
6. The Red Max (Crimson Haybaler): 20
7T. Lazy Luke & Blubber Bear (Arkansas Chuggabug): 18
7T. Peter Perfect (Turbo Terrific): 18
7T. Professor Pat Pending (Convert-A-Car): 18
10. Sergeant Blast & Private Meekly (Army Surplus Special): 14
11. Dick Dastardly & Muttley (Mean Machine): 0Image
Wacky Races was hardly the only automotive themed Saturday morning Boomer-Xer fare. The schedule was replete with them. I'm particularly fond of Tom Slick, a subseries within the George of the Jungle series. Tom drove the Thunderbolt Grease-Slapper, and like Wacky Racers there it featured a virtuous female heroine, Marigold, and a mustache twirling villain (Baron Otto Matic).

Tom Slick / George of the Jungle was made by Jay Ward Productions, creators of such classics as Rocky & Bullwinkle, Dudley Do-Right, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, and Super Chicken. What Jay Ward productions lacked in animation quality, they always seemed intellectually a cut above Hanna-Barbera; always with a hint of subversiveness and irony.

I would add that Jay Ward also created the cereal characters Cap'n Crunch, Quisp, and Quake, thereby fueling a lot of Saturday morning boob tube watching.Image
For pure car racer cartoon franchise power, the all timer is probably Speed Racer. The character first appeared in a serialized Japanese Manga book in 1966, evolved from an earlier Manga series "Pilot Ace." His creator Tatsuo Yashida said he was inspired, oddly enough, by Elvis Presley's car-racing character in "Viva Las Vegas."

Speed Racer first appeared as an animated cartoon series in 1967, titled "Mach GoGoGo" in Japan, and Speed Racer's name was Go Mifune. It first appeared in American syndicated TV in late 1967 with the Americanized names. Along with Astro Boy, it was probably the first taste of Japanese Anime for a couple of generations of Americans. It spawned a worldwide merchandising and syndication empire, and even a live action film by the Wachowskis of "The Matrix" fame.Image
Read 31 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Sep 12
There is a difference between people posthumously criticizing his rhetoric and public school employees and medical professionals posting their gleeful touchdown dances on Tik Tok
Remember when "accountability culture" was all the rage? Good times
Turns out "accountability culture" kinda sucks when you are no longer the accountant
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Sep 8
Hot damn, now THAT'S how you Country Music
I hate you
"Honky Tonk." It's an old Hank Williams The First tune. Hank was the Rembrandt of country music. See also Lefty Frizzell, Ernest Tubb, Kitty Wells et al.
Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Sep 7
Throroughly clean your quarter window before affixing: today's #DavesCarIDService pays homage to the art of the hot rod window decal!

No longwinded history lecture today, this is more an aesthetic appreciation of fine graphic design applied to selling speed equipment in a competitive market space.

The decals below are from the 1960s-80s high school muscle car era, and many of the logos are still in use today. If you are of that era, you will be be familiar with every product that the logos represent.

If not, the idea was like this: you bought a second hand car, went to a local speed shop, and dropped your hard earned cash for items to hop it up or gussy it up. Then you would display all the decals of the products contained in your heap (usually in its rear quarter windows) as a brag, and warning to anyone who might challenge you to a street race.

Kind of a brilliant ad strategy for the speed equipment biz, and in my opinion some of the best logos ever created. I even sent away $1 for a Hurst sticker to display on my first motorized vehicle, a 4.5 horsepower B&S go-kart, even though it had no shifter at all.Image
Well okay maybe a little longwinded history. As I've aged, the more I've become enamored with the early days of hot rodding, 1930s-50s, when those speed equipment stickers and decals first started appearing. Less clean design-wise, but have a certain vintage oomph. Some of my favorites from that era:Image
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Some of those speed equipment decals are pretty out there: masked executioners, demented racing Albert Einsteins, oil-selling espionage agents, clutch-selling cavemen. What they might lack in sleek design they make up for in pure moxie.

That hot rod sticker/decal aesthetic lives on today in the music scene, and the skate/surf scene. Can't really go to any live music club restroom in Austin without seeing the wall covered in stickers for various bands. In some sense, that whole tradition was actually born in hot rodding.Image
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Read 21 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Sep 6
Today's Iowa-Iowa State #DavesCarIDService pregame show pays homage to that most Iowan of vehicles, the tractor. And its inventor, John Froelich of Clayton County Iowa.

That requires a little definition of terms; Froelich was the inventor of the gasoline tractor. When 42 year old Froelich rolled it out of his grain elevator in 1892, steam threshers had been around for a while. But those ginormous, locomotive-sized device were incredibly expensive, required a coal source, were dangerous on hill sides, and useful for the most part only at harvest time.

What also had been around for a few years were stationary gasoline engines: big single slug pop-pop-pop engines with a large flywheel, used to power devices but with no wheels. Froelich might've had one in his grain elevator. Whatever the case, he figured out how to mount one on a frame with drive wheels, steering, and forward and reverse gears. Thus the first modern concept of "tractor" was born (seen in #2).

It was light, nimble, and could potential be equipped with implements for plowing, planting, cultivating, etc. And with a potential price point making it affordable to the average Joe Farmer. In some respect John Froelich fed the world.Image
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Froelich only sold a few copies of his invention, but in 1895 sold his company to John Miller of Waterloo, Iowa, who established the Waterloo Gasoline Engine Company. Oddly Miller was more interested in making Froelich's engine than in making tractors; but in 1911 WGE rolled out the Waterloo Boy Tractor, which would become the Model T of agriculture.

WGE and the Waterloo Boy was sold to John Deere in 1918. Prior to that Deere was only an implement company, selling plows, planters, etc., and thus the Waterloo Boy became the very first John Deere tractor and is beloved of fanatical John Deere collectors. Waterloo, Iowa remains Deere's primary tractor building location.

Waterloo became sort of the Detroit of tractors; cross-town rivals Interstate Tractor Company produced the red Plow Boy to rival the green Waterloo Boy. By 1920, 1/5 of all tractors in the world were made in Waterloo.Image
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What's my favorite tractor? I grew up on a McCormick-Deering/ International Harvester/ Farmall / Case-IH farm, and it would be a calumny to my ancestors to pick a model from any other brand. So I'm going with the Farmall M.

Just a damn pretty tractor, with a streamline design by Raymond Loewy who also designed all those pretty Studebakers of the early 50s. First thing my grandpa bought after WW2, and we still had it on the farm when I was a boy.

But man, the 1948-52 Oliver 60 is the absolute shiznit when it comes to streamline deco. Sadly the designer of the Oliver 60 is unknown, somebody at their in-house engineering department in Charles City Iowa. And its grille makes a dandy front end for a hot rod.

Don't sleep on the 1938 Minneapolis-Moline UDLX though. The high concept here is that you could take it into the field during the day, and Saturday night put it in highway gear to take Maw to town. Very few were made, and among the most expensive vintage collector tractors today.

And being a Ford car guy, gotta also cite the 1939-52 Ford N series (9N, 2N, 8N). Just a swell little jalopy with the "Ferguson System" 3-point hitch.Image
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Read 23 tweets

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