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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Dec 21
A happy #davescaridservice Winter Solstice to all who celebrate! I don't, because frankly the whole winter business is not my cup of tea. Literally leaves me cold, not unlike this unfortunate 1959 Buick convertible in a vintage LIFE magazine shot. Image
On the upside, at least the sunset has stopped receding, and the coming snow and ice give me a chance to hone my car ID chops. But not even the brutal snows of Chicago can obscure the mighty tailfins of a 1959 Cadillac 4 door hardtop. Image
How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Shovel, shovel, shovel.

This shot from 1960 NYC by Robert Doisneau shows French cellist Maurice Baquet trying to open the door to his 1957 Oldsmobile. Best hail a cab Mo, lest you want to play your big fiddle with frostbite. Image
Read 36 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 17
I watched the Netflix movie "Carry-On" last night and my god it might be the worst thing I have ever watched
I watched the whole thing, but the last 80% basically hate-watching to see how many ludicrous action movie tropes they could stuff into it
Spoiler alert: yes the ninja skilled TSA superhero goes full Tom Cruise and saves the day. Amazingly this was not written as a comedy

Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 1
As the Thanksgiving weekend winds down and your leftovers disappear, I would like to commemorate the season in a very #DavesCarIDService way: with a salute to Mayflower-themed Plymouth and Native American-themed Pontiac.

#1: 1946 Plymouth hood crest
#2: 1929 Pontiac ornament Image
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Both Plymouth and Pontiac were relative latecomers to car making, and both were corporate-created brands aimed at a similar market niche. GM created Pontiac in 1926 as a low priced companion brand to Oakland, and Chrysler created Plymouth in 1928 as a low price alternative to Dodge.

And they were both created with a distinct branding identity: Plymouth redolent of proud Mayflower pilgrims, and Pontiac of proud Native Americans. "Pontiac" actually comes the Michigan city where the plant was located, but they played the Native American connotations to the hilt.
In the spirit of the season I will show some of the ornaments that displayed that pride. First, Plymouth with their increasingly stylized Mayflower:

1934, 1936, 1938, 1948. Alas, the Plymouth Mayflower was stylized out of existence in 1955. Image
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Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 29
Is there a German word for the hatred of other people enjoying things
I guess it would be freudeschaden
I suppose my kids got a lot of served a lot of unrequested Beatles in their music classes, but at least they didn't have to deal with that fucking Peter Paul & Mary folk music shit that I was faced with

Read 13 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 27
RIP to the great Jim Abrahams, of Zucker-Zucker-Abrahams fame. At the U of Wisconsin, they founded the Kentucky Fried Theater, that led to their first movie.

Later they returned to Madison and funded the absurdist Pail & Shovel Party to run for student government, with a campaign promise to bring the Statue of Liberty to campus. They made good on it with a replica on frozen Lake Mendota, and also installing over 1000 plastic pink flamingos on the campus quad.

Hail and farewell to a great Badger and a great prankster.Image
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btw the movie "AIRPLANE!" was based on was the forgettable 1957 melodrama "ZERO HOUR!" It's apretty hilarious to watch now because you realize AIRPLANE! mostly follows it scene by scene but with added gags. Image
The thing about Zucker-Zucker-Abrahams is they combined the two most powerful genres of comedy: Jewish and Midwestern.

Smirk all you want about Midwest humor but I'll just point to MST3000, the original Onion, John Hughes, and most of the original National Lampoon.
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Nov 23
Only a few grocery shopping days left until Thanksgiving, so it's time for #DavesCarIDService to talk turkey!

The fate of this crated gobbler seems to be slowly dawning on him as his comrades are being unloaded from back of a 1947 Dodge 3/4 ton dually. Image
*the above illustration was from a 1947 Dodge truck ad. The '30s to '50s were sort of a high watermark for the advertising illustration arts, especially around the holidays. I've been able to find several delightful ones featuring our dimwitted but delicious Thanksgiving dinner guests of honor, like this one for the stunning 1939 LaSalle. Like the turkey, LaSalle had a short lived future; the brand was retired by GM after the 1940 model year.Image
What is the TURKEY'S magic power? For me, it's the power to make me fall asleep during a Detroit Lions game. But apparently this one has the magic power to grow to Godzilla proportions in the back of a 1939 International truck. Gobble gobble, who's Thanksgiving dinner now? Image
Read 8 tweets

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