David Burge Profile picture
Feb 10, 2022 14 tweets 3 min read Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

Mar 3
Sit down kids, it's time we had a little #DavesCarIDService talk about... Turbonique. You see, once upon a time people thought it was a fun idea to
install a 1000 horsepower rocket powered axle in their car, like Kansas City's Roy "Mr. Pitiful" Drew, shown here after an eventful 168 mph drag strip pass in his "Black Widow" Turbonique-powered VW bug. Believe it or not, this was an ad FOR Turbonique.Image
Turbonique was the brainchild of raconteur Gene Middlebrooks, a Georgia Tech alum and mechanical engineer who worked at Martin-Marietta on the Pershing nuclear missile program. In his spare time he designed AP (auxiliary power) superchargers for cars that didn't rely on drive from the engine; at first electric, and then "Thermolene" (his tradename for N-propyl nitrate rocket fuel).

Those cars were semi-successful at the track, and launched a mail order but Middlebrooks decided to move on to an even crazier rocket powered product line with the Turbonique Drag Axle and thrust rocket engines for go-karts and snowmobiles. And he was happy to sell them to you by mail, in a plain brown paper box, no questions asked.

In #3, the Turbonique Drag Axle-propelled "Pegasus" 1966 Mustang of Bob Rauth & Bill Venetti; in #4, "Captain Jack" McClure shutting down TV Tommy Ivo with his 180 mph Turbonique thrust rocket go-kart.Image
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Unfortunately Turbonique would not survive the decade thanks to a spate of lawsuits and mail fraud charges. Gene Middlebrooks would to a stretch in prison over them, and spent the remainder of his life running a small motel in Florida.

But not before crafting some of the most jaw dropping car projects of all time. My personal favorite is Zack Reynolds's 1964 "Tobacco King" Ford Galaxie 500. Reynolds was the car-crazy wildman heir to the RJ Reynolds cigarette fortune, and had the Turbonique boys install an drag axle to add an extra 1000 aft horsepower to the 500 or up front from its Latham-supercharge 427 up front. Objective: street racing.

The local constabulary cheerfully shut down a new freeway bypass around Winston-Salem NC so he could take a test drive, but it was so hairy that he seldom drove the beast ever again.Image
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Read 14 tweets
Feb 27
Palestinian beatnik poetry just hits different
Back in my day, our moms would yell at us to turn off the TV and go play outside till it was dark. We'd hijack a few planes, maybe mail some anthrax, pop wheelies on our Stingray bikes. And no helmets either! This was considered normal, before "America" turned into Wussyland
Real Molotov throwing was by killed parents organizing Little Molotov Leagues, where the crazy Molotov dads would yell at the umps, or even berate their own kid in public for a bad throw. Whatever happened to sandlot Molotovs, and playing for the pure love of fire?
Read 7 tweets
Feb 22
I applaud science for finally addressing the important questions that have long been asked by the voices in my head
Say what you want about us cannibals, but we don't go around immediately announcing it to you like a bunch of annoying vegans
If you were about to be eaten by a cannibal, what cooking method would you ask for? For myself, I gotta say sous vide
Read 4 tweets
Feb 9
The most culturally significant musical performance on television of all time, February 9, 1964 Image
40% of the population of the entire United States watched it. 24 hours later guitar sales went through the roof and the barber shop industry lay in ruins
The equivalent TV audience today would be 130 million, a bigger audience than the Super Bowl. On April 4, the Beatles held the #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 places on the Billboard charts. Image
Read 12 tweets
Feb 8
I am going to fire my attorney for never playing this angle to defend me
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Read 7 tweets
Jan 27
It's time to lean in on another #DavesCarIDService!

This special lil' hot rod is Steve Scott's Buick Nailhead-powered "Uncertain T" that set the custom car world on fire in 1965, and then vanished for over 50 years - until this week.Image
The story of this car is true lore among my co-religionists in the hot rod & custom sect. In 1964, 17 year old San Fernando Valley high school student Steve Scott saw a fanciful Ed Roth-style concept Model T drawing by a classmate, and said to himself, "I'm going to build this in real life."

A year and countless bloody fiberglass-sanding knuckles / chrome plating bills later, the Uncertain T debuted on the car show circuit and created a sensation. It swept the major awards at all the shows; Monogram released a plastic model kit, and Big Daddy Roth himself release a monster T shirt thereof.

After a few years though, Steve Scott withdrew it from public view and sold it. It remained out of view for more than 50 years, changing its storage location to foil the many car hunters who tried in vain to find it. Among the hot rod set, it became the final holy grail of 1960s High Epoch show cars.Image
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Little to my surprise, the archeologists who found it are my two old pals Beau Boeckmann and Dave Shuten of Galpin Speed Shop in Van Nuys. Here's their re-unveiling of the Uncertain T from a few days ago:

theautopian.com/a-holy-grail-h…
Read 33 tweets

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