Share this page!

Enter URL or ID to Unroll

You can paste full URL like: https://x.com/threadreaderapp/status/1644127596119195649
or just the ID like: 1644127596119195649

How to get URL link on X (Twitter) App

  1. On the Twitter thread, click on or icon on the bottom
  2. Click again on or Share Via icon
  3. Click on Copy Link to Tweet
  4. Paste it above and click "Unroll Thread"!
  5. More info at Twitter Help
David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
　

Keep Current with David Burge

David Burge Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Feb 19
Stupidest, most brazen banana republic vote buying idea ever conceived. Every cent of waste cut should go to deficit reduction.
This is like having $100k of credit card debt, canceling your Netflix subscription, and then celebrating your newfound fiscal restraint by going on a Disney Cruise
Nobody who thinks they deserve this free $5000 from Uncle Sugar has never in their life paid $5000 in federal income tax
Read 10 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Feb 14
Man, AI is somehow even more shit when it doesn't have any actual images to train on
"Grok, make me a picture of Hitler thunderdunking on Michael Jordan"
"I will use the cursed infidel's technology to make a picture of our invincible soldiers finally wiping the filthy Jew from the Earth!"

*Mossad intercepts his geo coordinates, remotely blows up his nuts*
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Feb 14
Oh man, that's an absolute tearjerker. Godspeed Orient-Macksburg High School.
Since I left many moons ago, many of the schools in the Old Country have closed/consolidated. Back in the day, Cooper DeJean's alma mater was 3 different schools: Odebolt-Arthur, Battle Creek, and Ida Grove. Now all consolidated as OABCIG.
Everly, Iowa HS closed and consolidated with another district, thereby depriving American sports of one of the best nicknames ever: the Cattlefeeders. Their girls' teams were the Cattlefeederettes.
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 19
For every yin there's a yang. Yesterday's #DavesCarIDService indulged in some balmy tropical midcentury ad escapism from the frigid temps. But there are some hardy insane people who actually embrace this suck, so as a thematic bookend I offer some more ad images that put a happy face on the nonsense.

First up: a 1957 Oldsmobile 98 Fiesta coupe, the same car seen in yesterday's thread starter luxuriating in seaside splendor.Image
Image
Me, I lean 100% to picture #2. Whatever cold-hardened Teutonic-Viking-Midwestern blood ever once coursed through my veins has been utterly diluted by years of wimpy Texas winters. Even in Texas though there are those who can't wait for a ski getaway to the Colorado slopes (often to the chagrin of Coloradans).

Looks like this goo-goo eyed couple is headed for hot cocoa at the lodge in a 1960 Dodge Dart Phoenix.Image
Go have your fun winter-lovers, whether it's at Mt Stowe in a 1960 Studebaker Lark wagon (1), Sun Valley in a 1966 Mercury Park Lane (2) or some Disneyesque winter time fantasyland in a 1947 Ford (3). I know the whole Donner Party saga, so I'll be happily holed up inside on the couch watching football.Image
Image
Image
Read 29 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 17
I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling Jews
Hey y'all where kin I talk to one of my fellow Rabbis? My name is Reverend Rabbi Travis... Garlandstein, yeah that's the ticket Image
Neo-Nazis are clearly on a mission to disprove white mental superiority

Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 16
This is America's revenge against China for Covid Image
Tik Tok: Pearl Harbor

Homeless Tik Tok garbage people flooding Chinese apps: Hiroshima
Mark my words: within 5 years Chinese teenagers will be unable to do math because of eating Tide Pods
Read 4 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal

Or Donate anonymously using crypto!

Ethereum

0xfe58350B80634f60Fa6Dc149a72b4DFbc17D341E copy

Bitcoin

3ATGMxNzCUFzxpMCHL5sWSt4DVtS8UqXpi copy

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us!

Send Email!

:(