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David Burge Profile picture
@iowahawkblog
Feb 10, 2022 • 14 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
Scrolly
Not sure I'd recommend siphoning diesel fuel or slashing a steel belted retread under 100 psi, but you're the expert Professor Tow Truck
I think the Fightin' 101st Tire Slashers may need a little training before we send 'em in
Once we slash the tires and empty the fuel tanks, how do we remove the trucks? Easy, put on a Harvard Hogwarts robe, wave your wand, and cast the ol' "Truckus Removem" spell
Another bold plan from the Harvard Institute for Removing Giant Trucks From Bridges Image
Gotta say I did not have "Land War With Canada" on my 2022 bingo card.

I recommend we launch the Marine invasion during the Olympic curling final, when they're all distracted
They will greet us as liberators, with flowers and Tim Horton's donuts
Don't worry, this plan has all been war-gamed out by Harvard's Best and Brightest on the Kennedy School rec room rug, with Tonka trucks and GI Joe action figures
Of course we will need a brilliant, battle-hardened Patton to lead Operation Truck Stop Image
triggered by, milking the rich inexhaustible comedic value of, tomay-toh, tomah-toh

My plan to clear trucks off the bridge? Announce $1 lap dances at all the Windsor titty bars. But hey don't listen to me, I didn't go to Harvard
yeah, in high school I used to change split rim truck tires at Ben Fish & Son in Sioux City. Closest thing I've experienced to a D-Day invasion. Ceiling had circle marks in it from rim pops
Hear me out on this: we should send covert CIA operatives to fund a proxy war by exploiting the long-simmering tribal tensions between the Canadian Big Rig Drivers and the Canadian Big Rig Tow Truck Drivers
Truly the Clausewitz of impotent faculty lounge rage
I'm beginning to think we need to start de-escalating this trucker situation

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
Jan 31
It may not be grilling weather, but it's Grilling Day at Dave's Car ID Service as I take a look at some of my favorite grillework. Starting with Isotta-Fraschini: all these are various I-F Tipo 8As of 1928-32 vintage. While not technically "grilles," these amazing Art Deco grille-protecting stone guards were offered as factory options during that era. They were created by IF's coachbuilder Carrozzeria Castagna in Milan, giving the cars a chic Empire State / Chrysler Building vibe.Image
*a while back several of you tagged me on this post from Mr. Turnbull, featuring Bogey and a circa 1930 I-F Tipo 8A. You also may remember Norma Desmond's I-F limo in SUNSET BOULEVARD. A visual cue to Tinseltown excess of the late 1920s.

Post-1929 stock market crash, flamboyant automotive excess was a bit passe - if not outright dangerous. If you were an uptown swell, best not be cruising past a breadline in your chauffeur-driven Isotta-Fraschini.

Enter the 1934-36 Ford Town Car by Brewster. Brewster was a New York coachbuilder that made its nut by building bespoke high dollar car bodies for the Park Avenue set; after Black Tuesday their fortunes plummeted like a ruined Wall Street trader. As a compromise, they offered a special bodied town car based on a humble everyman Ford. Featuring this lovely heart shaped "sweetheart grille," a nice Valentine's gift for that special Broadway showgirl.

Now if you were accosted by a mob of enraged Wobblies, you could just roll down the window and explain "it's OK fellas, it's only a Ford!"Image
Read 23 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 16
I'm not sure if you could possibly come up with a better example of an own-goal tweet
We you're having fun dunking on Trump's second-hand Nobel and this mf decides to join in Image
For everybody who's over the age of 12, behold the most undeserved Nobel Peace Prize of all time
bbc.com/news/world-eur…
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 13
Man this sounds awesome, do the Jews have an 800 number
brb, I'm downloading the Jewber app on my phone
"Your Jewber order will arrive in 3 minutes" Image
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 10
Happy Spindletop Day to all who celebrate from Dave's Car ID Service! 125 years ago today, the first major oil discover in the United States happened at the Spindletop oilfield outside Beaumont Texas, when the 200 foot high Lucas Gusher heralded a brave new world.

That bounty of dino juice created generations of brash new money Texas oil barons, paved the way for Exxon and Texaco, and largely ended the debate of gasoline powered vehicles vs steam vs electric. For better or for worse, the 20th century would be internally combusted.Image
Apologies for the slow start to my car identifyting rounds today, thus this thread intro will be short. But I will note that one of the coolest things that resulted from the Spindletop Big Bang was the rise of petroleum advertising signage. A few examples of which I shall now share, without elaborate explanation. Neon!Image
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Porcelain enamel! Image
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Read 11 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Jan 7
Are you crying? THERE'S NO CRYING IN BOLSHEVIKBALL Image
All these pampered overrated 5 star suburban recruits from the Seven Sisters Conference turn out to be complete busts in the Professional Commie League
Image
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
Dec 26, 2025
Ma'am "1984" was dystopian speculative fiction, not an instruction manual
Censorship is Speech

Stagnation is Vibrancy

I Won't Come In You Mouth
My rule of thumb is to never take seriously anybody who unironically uses the words "vibrant" or "robust"
Read 7 tweets

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