Thread by @ElieNYC

So I had the realist conversation with my 9yo about the n-word so far just now.
I guess a black friend at school said that another black person called him the word (not at school) and the friend was confused, as was my kid. Who also didn't know why it's such a "bad" word anyway.

So, I explained that any word can be turned into a slur if you say it often enough, about one group of people, with enough hate in your heart. I then started calling people "stupid SPOONS." "I'm going to to STEAL your Pokemon cards, you dumb ugly SPOON"

I explained that after a while, the word "spoon" would hurt you even without the other words, and that the n-word was the word white people have chosen to use against us for hundreds of years.
I said, to fight back, some black people have tried to take the word back...

"Hi, my beautiful, smart Spoon." That if we can make Spoon a term of endearment maybe white people will stop using it as a slur.
BUT, I said that personally his mom and I don't think it works and that's why he never hears it around the house.

I said that we'd rather always rather not even risk using the word, even though we can, because you never know how somebody else will take it, and that I never want to make white people think they can say it to me.

I said that the real problem with the n-word is not that the word itself is powerful, but that the white people using it *think* they have power, and are *trying* to hurt your feelings. And that's what makes it feel so bad. That they wish you to feel bad.

Finally, I said that white people have invented hurtful words for *all* kinds of people, and sometimes people try to invent hurtful words to say back to white people. But that in our family we try to avoid all of them.

So, I dunno, best I could do kind of caught off guard after getting off air and getting my daily download (I ask him "what did you learn today?" every day and often it's, like, trivia and not, you know, racism). He seemed to understand the general points.

But I kinda knew this convo was coming. B/c while we've done a lot of "n-word bad" stuff, We really don't say it and we don't listen to music that says it (in front of him) so he's never really heard it in solidarity, and I knew that would be confusing.
Parenting: Catch the fever