Thread by @emperorthyme

Percy de Rolo’s honest and vulnerable depiction of PTSD: a thread 🧵 (aka essay. I mean it, this is long)

#VoxMachina #CriticalRole

This contains spoilers for The Legends of Vox Machina (TLOVM) and C1

TW for discussion/depiction of PTSD&Emotional Turmoil
TW for brief mentions of SA&war

I’m not a psychologist, I’m just a person with PTSD who sees my experience in Percy. This is wordy bc I’m projecting a bit

In Taliesin’s creation of Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III… aka Percy, he brought forth a part of PTSD that is not presented often in media. It’s an understatement to say Percy has experience multitudes of traumatic things in his life time; his hair (1)

even turns white from the stress of the events of torture and the loss of his family. Although this is also depicted extremely well, his internal battle against Orthax creates a powerful metaphor for the experience of suffering from PTSD. (2)

At times it [PTSD] can almost feel like a dark cloud looming over you, consuming you. The visual of the black smoke coming from Percy represents this eternal darkness protruding out. Experiencing PTSD is, to put it simply, is to experience grief. You are grieving what you (3)

have lost. Whether that be your identify, your innocence, or anything else. The stages of grief are what many people initially experience after traumatic events. Grieving their past self. Grief is to experience anger. As Cassandra said to him: hate is a strong emotion. (4)

To hate is to anger. To feel anger at such an extreme… the internal darkness feels never ending. You have been hurt and the people who hurt you deserve the same. You have been irreversibly changed and you feel as if you MUST enact Justice and persecute those who hurt you. (5)

Percy’s internal struggle with this is presented in an external way; Orthax is a physical manifestation of these thought processes being brought to fruition. You cannot try to cope/move on without facing what’s hurting you head on. Percy physically and mentally fighting his (6)

way out of Orthax’s grip is almost a way of showing a victim escaping the grip their abuser holds on them, even long after the event. Even if this grip is not physically present, the psychological impact has already been left. The threat feels imminent and Real at all moments.(7)

In addition to this, Percy’s battle against Orthax is a perfect example of how you can accept help but ultimately you have to want to help yourself. Vex’ahlia and Cassandra helped pulled him out of the ‘hole’ he was in, providing encouragement, but ultimately it was Percy (8)

who broke free from the demon. It was Percy who freed himself from the hatred and rage of desiring revenge. You can have help, and everybody needs help a lot of the time. The ultimate healing and next step can only happen if you help yourself. (9)

Without finding a way to take the next step to survive another day of the unrelenting pain, the ones you love will suffer as well. Delilah is an exact foil of what happens when you let it consume you. You will only end up destroying yourself further. (10)

Destroying yourself and those you love most. Forgiveness isn’t always possible, or honestly deserved. It is not wrong to not be able to forgive, Cassandra for example. But it is how you choose to carry on despite it all that counts. (11)

This is the end for now, I wrote this in a hyperfocused haze. I may or may not come back and add more thoughts at some point 💜

Please excuse any autocorrected mistypes/typos. I tried my best.

Take a happy Percy for the road

So… I’ve come back to share more of my never ending insanity.

I wanted to touch on how even after defeating Orthax, Percy still struggles at times with coping. Often time in media… after defeating the “bad guy” or “antagonist” of the story they are miraculously cured. (12)

The continuation of Percy’s story shows that he still struggles with his torment and mental stability; that this persists even without Orthax being present. It’s a unseen side of mental health being depicted in media. (13)

You will not be magically cured after freeing yourself from the darkness. You have to keep taking the steps that come after to be able to heal. The wound of Trauma isn’t one that heals easy, it will always hurt. Percy persists to go through his life’s journey even though it (14)

still hurts. It was always hurt, in a way. The difference is that Percy does not allow this hurt to be the driving motivation of his perseverance. Healing from Trauma is learning to be comfortable with the pain of the emotional wound. (15)

The pain changing from once stabbing, firey hot to being a dull ache. There are days it will hurt more than others but you must persist. You have to keep going. Percy’s story extends beyond the “end”, as should all of ours. (16)