Thread by @cascacalcio

With #toiletgate trending today, there's a lot of the calcio Twitter community piling on this "joke," but it's no joke to Neapolitans. In truth you should never insult the toilets of anyone from Compagna, nor even use the word around them. A #thread:

It all started in the Kingdom of Naples. First, a short history lesson to provide context. The Kingdom was formed in 1282 when Sicily, previously under the same monarchy as Naples, was conquered by the Kingdom of Aragon, or the Eastern half of modern day Spain.

That lasted until 1442 when Naples entered into a "personal union": as this was during the days when MySpace still ruled the internet, you still had to personally add a friend to follow them, there were no news feeds, so you had to check profiles individually for content.

On a fateful spring day, King Charles of Naples fired up his Packard Bell, and tried to log into AOL. However, the signal was busy. He tried another line, then another, with no luck. Everyone in the kingdom was online that day, it seemed. The only line left was through Palermo.

Not only was the phone line long distance, but it was from another country, as Palermo was still under Spanish control. But Charles needed to know who won the VMA Awards the night prior, and there was no way he knew how to find out other than Keyword: MTV.

He had a brilliant idea: he set his modem to dial 10-10-321 to offset the long distance costs. However, based in doing so, he avoided using Spanish phone lines and thus long distance costs to Spain. This was considered an act of economic sabotage at the time, and grounds for war.

10-10-321 explained:

Predictably, the Spanish king sent his armada towards the coast of Campagna. However, Charles anticipated this and had other plans. You see, when he was done checking up on Eminem, he logged onto MySpace and friend requested King Paúl of France, who accepted the request.

France and Spain were in constant conflict, so the two leaders agreed to a personal union. King Paúl immediately sent his best military leaders and top diplomats to Naples, knowing that the phone bill wouldn't come for another month, plenty of time to prepare.

Most important was Admiral Michel Toilette, who arrived first with a fleet of France's finest warships. Toilette was greeted by Charles' emissary, Duke Antonio Soprano and his wife Dutchess Carmela, of Caldwell Nord, near Amalfi.

Duke Soprano brought along his top General Furio Giunta, and together devised a plan to repel the Spaniards. After 12 days of fighting at sea, and repelling amphibious landings (footage below), the Nea-Franco alliance was successful.

In a further act of friendship, King Paúl had Adm. Toilette give 2 important gifts to Naples: high speed cable internet, and indoor plumbing, which was presented to Charles at the annual festival to celebrate the first ripened olive.

Naples experienced unprecedented peace and prosperity. Indoor plumbing was all the rage. Friends would have bathroom parties, and the quality of washroom became a source of national pride. So much so that Charles adopted a new flag to celebrate the 3 toilets of the Royal Palace.

But it would not last. The Spanish returned, and this time did not fail. To punish Naples, they gutted the palace of its copper piping and internet cables. Duke Soprano was ambushed by a guerilla in a Members Only jacket while dining at Holsteins in Bloomfield New Jersey.

While under Spanish rule, the Royal decree made it illegal for Neapolitans to have indoor "toilets" as they were called, in honor of the brave French admiral. The only internet available was dial up.

In fact, it wasn't until the Austrians arrived more than 2 centuries later that the region got WiFi. But the damage was so severe, that they're still recovering.

Many Neapolitans were able to flee to the new world, where every store has functioning wifi, and the streets are practically paved with shiny bathroom tile. And those people formed the resistance which would eventually free Naples.

After independence, to honor their history, citizens built the then known Stadio San Paolo to honor the kind King Paúl. However, the engineering instructions were lost when the Ikea near the fish market burned down, and nobody has been able to replicate them since.

Thus whenever a North American Napoli supporter makes a snarky remark directed at your club on Twitter, think twice before you insult the bathrooms in the now renamed Stadio Maradona. You're insulting their entire history and identity.

I too have Neapolitan ancestry, despite being a reputed Juventus supporter. Although as a first generation/dual citizen I'm much more far removed than the most vocal lavatory crusaders, I'm here to say BASTA once and for all! (Fine).

Just to clarify my #toiletgate history lesson with respect to all my French followers: although Naples placed "toilet" into common vernacular, it's technically only a toilet if it comes from the Toilette region of France, otherwise it's a sparkling washbowl.