Thread by @MavenOfMayhem

A few weeks ago, I had a very traumatic experience happen to me. The details don't matter right now as much as the fact that the event happened. It was unexpected and awful and just about broke me. For a short while, it shattered my faith in humanity.

But I'm still here.

I have CPTSD, and this hit every painful spot I have worked tirelessly to heal for a lifetime. There were a couple of days when I shut down completely, feeling worse than I have in a long time. It felt dark and, at times, almost hopeless.

But I'm still here.

CW: Suicide

This all happened just before the Ottawa occupation. So not only was I dealing with trauma, but our city under siege, and, this week, the loss of a friend to suicide. It has arguably been one of the hardest times I've had to trudge through.

But I'm still here.

I had a breakdown in 2020. I almost didn't make it out. And I've worked really hard since then to heal. That is, without a doubt, the reason I'm able to function today. I knew I had to do certain things so that this fresh trauma didn't consume me.

And I'm still here.

I have a new trauma therapist who's been helping me process what's happened so I don't have to carry it all with me for the rest of my life. I have a wife, friends, and family who are all very supportive. I'm healing. It will take time. But I'm okay.

And I'm so happy to be here.

Sharing this for any trauma survivors who might need to read it. We don't get to choose what happens to us. But if we're lucky, we can pull a nugget of wisdom from the wreckage and get stronger.

We're strong as hell, you and I.

And we're still here. Love to you.

PS: Every day I get up, knowing I'm processing significant trauma right now, and I pep talk myself. I'm like "Look at you, dancing in the kitchen having fun!" "You just genuinely laughed at a joke!" "Hey! You're being social today. Good job!"

Baby steps.

I know what it's like to be consumed by trauma, and I'm not right now, which is entirely new to me. If history dictated this, I'd be a wreck, consumed by rumination and anxiety. But that didn't last long this time. So yeah, I'm getting stronger. We learn and heal and grow. Hope.