Thread by @anamariayesdesn

Telling you something hurts me or makes me feel uncomfortable isn't me trying to pick a fight.

I'm trying to strengthen our relationship by helping you to treat me in ways that don't negatively affect my mental health.
(1/12)

You have the right to say & act as you choose, my comments are not to accuse you or control you.

My comments are meant to enhance transparency. When you say x, it makes me feel y. That might not be what you mean, but when it's phrased that way, that's how it affects me.
(2/12)

Telling me that my interpretation of your words or actions is my problem is only partially correct. Yes, my feelings as a result of these are not technically a matter of causality. (3/12)

But, if we are trying to have a mutually respectful relationship & you do, in fact, care about me as a person, shouldn't you care that something you're saying causes me pain?

At the end of the day, all of this is about setting and respecting boundaries. (4/12)

Often fear of rejection leads to people pleasing and buries our hurts and feelings under an eggshell of appeasement.

People say that they want honesty in their relationships but often honesty is misunderstood as hostility.

(5/12)

Feelings aren't a matter of us just "being dramatic" or "overly sensitive". Feelings happen as a result of our body & brain's unique experience of the world. No two experiences are identical, even with an overlap in background.

(6/12)

.. Which explains the popularity of twin studies in science

They are the manifestations of our internal responses to stigma and they may vary significantly from person to person. This is
the same for trauma. (7/12)

Depending on the way your body responded to an event or situation, you could feel like it's not a big deal or it could feel like it's the end of your existence. You're not being dramatic, that's what your body and brain are experiencing.

(7/12)

When we shame one another for a different level of trauma or get defensive at being told about how certain things can trigger negative emotions in another human, we're basically telling that person that the world as you experience it is invalid & you are wrong. (8/12)

That's not cool or even true.

You experience the world in your way. There's nothing wrong with that. If someone wants to be in your life but doesn't respect that x y or z can cause you harm & they choose to continue doing it, they aren't taking you and your feelings into (9/12)

consideration.

It hurts to do so but upholding your boundaries and protecting your mental health can sometimes push others away. This doesn't mean your boundaries are wrong. It means either the other person doesn't understand them or doesn't care to respect them.

(10/12)

It can be rough to set & uphold boundaries. It can also be hard to have someone tell you that your actions are violating their boundaries. Ultimately, it comes down to removing blame and understanding the simple cause and effect of our decisions on others.
(11/12)

At the end of the day, all we can do is try to explain and hope for the best. (12/12)