Thread by @iliacquer

cw mpreg

what if wwx uses magic to erase everyone's memories of him and the dafan wen to protect them? it works really well! they're safe and forgotten!

...meanwhile, lwj is very confused when he realises he's knocked up but has, as far as he knows, has never had sex 🤔

lwj is a smart man and also has a VERY good reason to notice that something in his memory is missing. something big. he tracks the absences and realises he has forgotten... more than one night. significant parts of his life.

but as much as he tries, he can't find a solution.

if lwj was more of a People Person, he'd realise that the other people who feel oddly the same as him - agitated, sure something is lost - are jyl and jc. but he doesn't know them well enough to ask.

cw mpreg

and then things get even weirder.

lwj tells his brother and uncle about his pregnancy. he has no choice: soon he will be... showing.

lxc and lqr are shocked, worried. for a single moment.

and then their faces smooth. they ask lwj why he wants to speak with them.

cw mpreg

lwj tells them again. careful, precise words. so there can be no misunderstanding.

and again, they are shocked. concerned. and just as suddenly - they forget.

lwj, alarmed, decides it is at least positive that *he* does not keep forgetting his pregnancy.

cw mpreg

but then he grows more worried. will everyone forget, if told? he cannot receive medical care if his physician forgets he is with child. and what if - once the child is born, and no longer part of him - *he forgets his own child*? what will become of it?

he has to find a solution. lwj leaves cloud recesses in the search for answers. he finds nothing.

and then:

in an inn, a drunk man is telling a story about a god or a demon or cultivator that has 'fixed' yiling's burial mounds. there are many rumours around 'yiling laozu.'

and that's all they are. rumours.

because, as the drunk man announces, no one who has met yiling laozu can remember anything about him: not his face. not his voice. not his name. all people remember is the vague shadow of him. what he did. and sometimes not even that.

lwj listens, something sharp running through him. a man who cannot be remembered. a man made to be forgotten.

he must go to the burial mounds.

on the way, he forgets where he's going. luckily, lwj expected this: he left himself very clear notes, and inked reminders on his arm.

he continues his journey.

cw mpreg

please consider the fact that lwj arrives at the burial mounds obviously heavily pregnant, seeking the help of yiling laozu, not knowing uh - everything.

all lwj knows is this: he arrives. he finds wards around the perimeter. he does not break them. he waits. and waits.

inside the burial mounds, the wards warn wwx that there is a cultivator out there. he swears, and stops planting radishes, and wipes his hands clean.

ever since he got this reputation as yiling laozu, he can't get rid of the visitors. it's annoying! but he also can't help but respond to them. night hunts, villages in peril who need help - he says yes to them all.

it's not like anyone will remember him, after, anyway.

so he walks to the edge of the burial mounds, expecting a random rogue cultivator and sees -

- lan zhan.

why is lan zhan here? does he remember somehow? he shouldn't be able to. and yet there's a strange, desperate hope in wwx's heart.

wwx is frozen for a moment. and then finally his shocked brain registers the new softness to lwj's face. the roundness of his stomach, visible even through the draping of his robes.

the lack of recognition in lwj's eyes, as he bows, and says, 'yiling laozu.'

//and now i have to sleep, oops didn't mean to threadfic haha//

//won't be a long update tonight b/c i feel sick 🙃//

the top:

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

yiling laozu is not what lwj expected. he's young, for one. no older than lwj himself. and he is dressed as a farmer, with a streak of dirt on his face. there is a strange look on yllz's face - almost devastated.

he knows me, thinks lwj.

yllz's gaze keeps flicking between lwj's face and his stomach.

'why are you here?' yllz asks. rudely said, but there is a softness - a helplessness to that voice.

'i am lan wangji,' lwj says. 'of gusu lan. i have come to seek your help.'

cw mpreg

'my help,' yllz repeats.

'as you can see,' lwj says. 'i am with child.'

yllz is silent at that. his face is... even to himself, lwj cannot describe that expression. such pain.

is it yours? lwj wonders.

did he lie with yiling laozu? how could he have done such a thing? yllz is handsome, certainly. but lwj knows himself. his own restraint. the strength of his own desires. what led him to bedding yllz, of all people?

it makes him angry, suddenly. that he cannot remember this.

cw mpreg

in clipped tones, he tells yllz that he cannot remember who fathered his child. that his child, not even born, cannot be remembered or thought of by anyone but lwj.

how he heard of yllz, and came here.

at the end. yllz swallows. says, 'shit.'

that is not helpful. lwj levels him a glare.

'i'm sorry,' yllz says, shakily waving a hand like he can brush his own words away. 'you - what do you want lan wangji?'

'for my child to be remembered,' lwj says. 'and to know their father.'

'i can't give you that,' says yllz immediately. 'well. i can't give you *both* things. i'll help your child. i won't rest until they're safe. but you'll have to give me something in return.'

'name it.'

'you'll have to stay in the burial mounds with me until the curse on your child is broken,' yllz says. 'my people - anyone who lives here-don't forget me. but the minute you leave...'

'i will stay,' lwj says.

yllz exhales. 'okay,' he says. 'f-follow me.'

yllz's nervousness is palpable. he is walking ahead of lwj.

'yiling laozu,' lwj says. 'are you my child's father?'

yllz stumbles. straightens. keeps on walking.

'can you really imagine wasting yourself on a man like me, hanguang jun?' yllz asks lightly.

but lwj does not feel inclined to lightness.

'i cannot,' lwj says. 'because my memories have been stolen from me, and with them the knowledge of what i may once have imagined.'

//sorry i have to sleep ;-; //

yllz stares at him. wide eyes.

'lan zhan,' yllz whispers.

that yllz called him 'hanguang jun' was damning enough. but 'lan zhan'...

'if you inflicted this curse upon my memory,' lwj says stiffly, 'as punishment. or because you do not wish to be a father-'

'lan zhan, *no*.'

yllz sounds horrified.

'you have no reason to believe me,' yllz says. 'but the forgetting.... it was done to protect people. for a good purpose. and if i had known...' yllz stops.

he doesn't say: i would not have done this to you.

instead he bows, deep and low.

'i am so sorry, lan zhan,' yllz says. 'i have never, ever wanted to cause you harm. i promise you and your child will be safe. i...' he stops. swallows. 'you won't suffer because of me.'

'it seems,' lwj says. 'that i have already suffered because you.'

cw ref to noncon

a beat. then lwj forces himself to ask. 'was it consensual?'

yllz's head raises sharp.

'yes,' he says. voice hoarse. 'yes. for both of us.'

lwj believes him. which is good, because he does not want to have to kill yllz, when he stills needs yllz's help.

'then i loved you,' lwj says calmly, even though inside he feels... more vicious than he has ever allowed himself to feel. 'i know my nature, yiling laozu. i would not have lain with someone i did not love.'

yllz looks like he's been punched.

'l-lan zhan,' yllz says shakily.

'you may call me lan wangji,' lwj says coldly. 'or hanguang jun.'

lwj cannot exactly glide away. but he makes his very best effort, striding forward. leaving yllz behind him.

//the top!//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

peace has been good for wwx and the dafan wen. they've had more money. time and quiet. wwx recently began building his own home. real walls, and a roof that won't leak, and a warm bed.

he gives it to lwj, and goes back to his hard pallet in the demon-slaughtering cave.

wq comes and finds him. 'get up,' she tells him. 'stop feeling sorry for yourself. we need to talk. i've examined your hanguang jun.'

not mine anymore, thinks wwx.

wwx gets up.

'how is he?' wwx asks.

'healthy,' says wq. 'and so is your child.'

cw mpreg

your child. wwx's child. wwx and lwj's child.

he wants to lie down again.

'that's good,' wwx manages to say.

'i should hit you,' wq says tersely. 'what were you thinking? you had sex with him and didn't even *consider*-'

wwx covers his face with his hands.

'i'm going to fix this,' wwx says.

'you can't release his memory,' wq says. 'or we'll all be in danger again.'

'i know.'

'and the child...'

'the problem is my blood,' wwx says quietly. 'i just need to...' he exhales, rubs a hand over his face.

the problem is this: wwx created a forgetting that encompassed the dafan wen, and him. he set it with his blood.

the child - *lwj's child* - has his blood, so it's tangled up in that same spell.

there has to be a solution to this that will set the child free from the spell. that will let lwj leave here with his baby, both of them safe. there has to be.

wwx just can't see it yet.

'you don't have long to fix this,' wq warns. 'this is no place for an infant.'

wwx is already walking away, looking for talisman paper, for ink. he has work to do. 'i know,' he says. 'just... look after lan zhan.'

wq nods. but doesn't leave.

'it would be best,' she says, when wwx finally meets her eyes. 'if you give hanguang jun time to himself.'

wwx pauses.

she's used to seeing him chase after lwj, teasing and smiling. the last time lwj was here, he'd practically climbed into lwj's arms, he'd been so happy to see him.

but that was with the old lwj. the lwj who knew him.

and loved him. apparently.

cw mpreg

wwx hadn't know. hadn't even hoped. lwj had loved him. really loved him. at least, this new lwj thinks he did.

this lwj who is pregnant with his child. who has probably been terrified and alone for months, all because of wwx. this lwj who *hates* wwx.

wwx had thought he knew what being hated by lwj was like. all those times lwj told him he was following a dark path; had snapped at him, had begged him to come to gusu, where he'd be locked up...

well. wwx knows now. that wasn't lwj's hate.

'i'll leave him alone as much as i can,' wwx tells wq, voice heavy. heart heavy.

'thank you,' wq says. she touches a gentle hand to his shoulder. comforting. then leaves.

wwx gets back to work and reminds himself, grimly, that he deserves to be hated by lwj.

he hurt his zhiji. he ruined his life.

all he can do now is try and save their child.

no. wwx's hand pause, grinding ink.

lwj's child. not his. because when lwj and the child leave, neither of them will remember wwx at all.

//thank u for all the lovely qrts - twt ate them and won't let me see b/c i committed the crime of sleeping but i'm grateful!!//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

yllz is barely ever around. the people who live in the burial mounds do not allow lwj to help them farm or work. they say lady wen has ordered he rest, so lwj has no choice but to do so.

he should be glad yllz is leaving him alone.

he is not.

he... somewhat regrets how he spoke to yllz. he was angry. he is still angry. but the man looked devastated by lwj's words.

it has occurred to him since that if he loved yllz once, there is a possibility that yllz loved him return. perhaps he continues to do so.

unlikely. yllz abandoned him, after all. if they had loved one another, wouldn't lwj have remained here by his side? he would not have had to learn about his child's father from a drunk in an inn-

he's furious again.

he is meditating (read: furiously sulking with his eyes closed) when yllz finally deigns to visit him.

'hanguang jun,' yllz says. 'i need to attach a talisman to you.'

lwj opens his eyes. 'do so,' he says. he is calm.

yllz winces.

'ah, don't look at me like that,' he mutters. slaps a talisman - rather gently - to lwj's arm. 'i promise this won't take long, hanguang jun.'

lwj sits with the talisman on. it does nothing. yllz swears and removes it.

lwj thinks of saying: stay.

thinks of saying: i have a right to my anger. but you. will you not ask for my forgiveness again?

but he says nothing. lets yllz go.

yllz returns two nights later with more talismans. then the next night. the next.

lwj notices how thin yllz is. how tired, eyes rimmed with shadows.

lwj saves some food for him to eat on night eight, and insists he will not allow yllz to test his talismans until he eats. yllz begrudgingly complies.

every night after that, lwj ensures there is food.

'he does not rest,' lwj observes to lady wen when she next examines him.

'he's attempting to resolve your problem,' she mutters, still examining his meridians. 'it's not straightforward.'

she pauses. meets his eyes, one quick look, then looks down again.

'ask him,' she says. 'if you want to know more.'

the next time yllz comes, lwj says, 'no talismans.'

'no talismans?'

'explain,' lwj says, 'the nature of this forgetting. it is clearly not targeted at specific individuals.'

yllz smiles. nods.

'it's... look, i've made it impossible to remember me, hanguang jun. no one can. the forgetting is focused on *me*.'

'lady wen's family are also - forgotten,' lwj observes.

'yes. the forgetting is anchored in my blood. and i shared my blood with them in a ritual - just a scratch,' he says hurriedly at lwj's expression.

lwj nods. says, after a moment, 'then there is a clear solution.'

'...is there?'

'share your blood with me,' lwj says.

cw mpreg

'no,' yllz says immediately. he sounds suddenly fierce. 'no. hanguang jun. never that. you'd be forgotten. you could never go home. do you understand that? no.'

lwj's hand twitches. he want to cup the shape of his belly. he does not.

'you cannot remove your blood from your child,' lwj says, heart growing heavier. now he knows the nature of the forgetting, he cannot deny the truth. 'the child i carry is bound by this spell. you cannot fix this.'

'there's still time,' yllz says. 'still things i can try.'

yllz starts to run through a list of things he has tried and things he has not, speaking quickly, still fiercely. but lwj interrupts him.

'what will happen to these people,' he says. 'if the forgetting ends?'

yllz's voice abruptly dies.

'hanguang ju-'

'what are you protecting them from?' lwj asks.

and yllz tells him.

lwj's anger turns, then. on the jin sect. on himself. but he sits quietly. and then, at the end, he says, 'i wish to be alone.'

yllz leaves him. alone, lwj thinks:

why didn't he, lwj, help these people? why did he not stand for justice? why did yllz feel compelled to sacrifice everything? can lwj truly judge him for the mess they have stumbled into - this disaster, this miracle, their child?

he is still angry with yllz. but there is grief in there too.

lwj is sure now that yllz cannot help him. cannot set their child free, not if it means these people will die. lwj cannot allow it.

yllz will keep trying to find a solution. but he will not find one.

there is only one choice. lwj will have to remain here. he will raise his child here.

he lights a candle and crosses the burial mounds.

he finds yllz in his cave, working feverishly on new talismans. when he kneels by yllz, yllz startles. says, 'lan zha- uh, hanguang jun?'

'allow me to help,' lwj says.

yllz looks at him, gaze soft. hopeful, almost.

'don't you want to rest?' yllz asks.

'i will rest when you rest,' lwj says.

'but i never-!'

'you will have to rest,' lwj says placidly. 'if you wish me to rest. for now, we work.'

they work until the candle gutters. then yllz ushers lwj back to his home, fussing over him until he lies down. 'you can't behave like me, hgj,' he says. 'i can fix this without being supervised!'

'yiling laozu,' lwj says. 'i have one request.'

'anything,' yllz says immediately

'more candles? another blanket? or-'

'your name,' lwj says.

'oh.' yllz's voice, when he speaks, is soft. 'wei ying, courtesy name wuxian. i'm sorry. i should have told you before.'

lwj had not wanted to know before. he does now.

'goodnight, wei ying,' he says.

silence. then, a quiet voice:

'goodnight, lan zhan.'

the door softly shuts.

//night!! sorry this took so long i kept getting interrupted lol//

it's a sudden but gentle change to life in the burial mounds: wwx stops hiding in the demon-slaughtering cave. he and lwj sit together in lwj's home, working on talismans, talking. wwx's makes jokes, and teases and once...

'lan zhan, did you just smile?' wwx asks, delighted.

'no,' lwj says.

'lying is forbidden,' wwx says disapprovingly.

'not a smile,' lwj says. 'try harder.'

that makes wwx laugh. there's ink on his cheek. last night, he slept on the floor by lwj's bed, head pillowed on his arms. he fell asleep half way through a rant about arrays.

lwj had covered wwx with his own blanket. in the morning, wwx had scolded him for that, eyes shining.

it is obvious that wwx likes him. and obvious to lwj, that lwj likes him in return. he cannot help it.

it would be easy to love wwx.

cw mpreg

but lwj cannot forget how... difficult. their situation is. and what his main priority must now be: the child he is carrying, who kicks and weighs heavily on him, who makes him feel sick and uncomfortable in a way he has not been since he developed his golden core.

he must rest more than he ever has before. wq examines him again, frowning, but her only advice is to continue resting.

somehow, without speaking of it, he and wwx decide that wwx will stay with him at night from now on. at first wwx sleeps on the floor.

that doesn't last. lwj says they should take turns on the bed. wwx points out that lwj is pregnant, so that's not going to happen, lan zhan. lwj refuses to sleep with wwx on the floor. wwx argues. then...

they share the bed, of course.

wwx always comes to bed after lwj. he is a respectful bed partner. he keeps a distance. curls up on his side, so lwj can lie on his back.

lwj waits until wwx is snoring before he uses wwx as a body pillow.

lwj's back hurts too to lie flat. and wwx is comfortingly warm.

he wakes up long before wwx anyway. wwx doesn't have to know.

(wwx knows. he just doesn't want to tell lwj. in case lwj stops.)

all through this, wwx comes no closer to a solution. the biggest breakthrough he has is -

'it's a mask, lan zhan,' wwx says. 'it's marked with - well, it doesn't matter. but it makes it easier for people to remember *something* about me.'

cw mpreg

wwx holds the silver half mask to his face. grins.

black smoke coils around him. he looks... not like wwx. dangerous 'it is made from resentful energy,' lwj observes grimly.

'which is why it can't help you. but it's something,' wwx says.

lwj does not have the heart to tell him it is worse than useless.

instead he removes wwx's mask. looks at his face. 'i prefer you like this,' lwj says quietly.

wwx flushes.

sometimes lwj wants to ask him what it was like: their first kiss. lying together. how did it happen? but he does not.

in a strange way, he feels like that lwj was a different person. a person he is jealous of. knowing would only hurt him.

he will whatever he feels for wwx, now, flower in its own time.

that night he sleeps soundly holding wwx. the next day wwx goes to help the wens with the crops. lwj goes to meditate in the weak sunlight...

...and wakes in the dark, wq hovering over him.

'don't get up,' she orders. her expression is grim. 'you're not well. don't worry. your child is unharmed.'

he does not feel entirely well.

'wei ying,' he rasps, throat dry.

'i'm here,' wwx says, appearing beside wq.

wwx looks pale. lwj soon understands why.

'you're vulnerable to the energy of the burial mounds,' wq says bluntly. 'when you were at your healthiest it had no impact on you. but now - i'm afraid, hanguang jun, you need to leave. for the sake of your health.'

'no.' lwj doesn't even have to think. he won't go.

'for the sake of your child,' wq says. 'you have to go.'

'lan zhan,' wwx says softly. 'it'll be okay.'

'it will not,' lwj says. he is horrified to realise he is panicking. 'nothing is fixed.'

cw mpreg

he will emerge from the burial mounds and forget the wens. forget wwx. forget loving him again. and when his child is born - his child will be forgotten, too.

'i'll fix this,' wwx promises, crying 'lan zhan. no matter how long it takes.'

'you will,' lwj agrees.

'you will give me your blood,' he says to wwx. wwx is shaking his head, still weeping, but lwj insists, 'you will. and i will fall under the same spell as all of you.'

'lan zhan,' wwx whispers. 'you'll lose your family. you'll lose everything.'

'i will not lose my child,' lwj says. 'i will not lose you.'

if he has wwx's blood, he will be able to leave the burial mounds and return and remember. wq could go with him and care for him. it is the ideal solution. the only one lwj wants.

he can sees wwx begin to nod, even as grief flickers over his face. wwx open his mouth to speak-

'no,' says wq. 'i'm sorry. no. wei wuxian, it isn't safe for hanguang jun to go through the ritual in his condition.'

wwx expression is raw. one last hope lost.

cw mpreg

but lwj has not lost hope.

'then i will remain here until our child is born,' lwj says firmly. 'and take part in the ritual when they are safely delivered.'

wq argues. wwx argues. but lwj is firm.

is wwx not a genius with talismans? can he not focus his efforts on creating talismans that repel resentful energy - that can keep lwj whole and healthy? won't wq help maintain his health until the birth?

no matter what they say, lwj has made his choice.

that night, wwx comes straight to bed and makes no pretence of keeping his distance. he holds lwj, tucking his face against lwj's shoulder. lwj holds him in return. they stay like that all night.

//haha you like knife? i give knife

that's it for tonight ty!!//

//i'm so tired of working so here i am making bad choices. top!//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

wwx hovers over lwj every day. brings him his food, and brushes his hair, and talks to him, and tries to pretend he can't see how pale and thin lwj is growing.

he lies next to lwj every night until lwj is asleep. then he checks the talismans.

wwx plays his flute, forcing the resentful energy to keep its distance. then when the night is calm, he works on possible ways to break the spell on their child. so their child can live normally. so *lwj* can live normally, and not have to take wwx's blood.

wq checks lwj multiple times a day. they use some of their limited coin to make sure lwj has healthful foods and medicines. and still, he grows weaker.

one day, lwj is resting, wwx beside him. then he opens his eyes and says hoarsely, 'wei ying.'

'yes?'

a pause.

'tell me,' lwj says, voice thin, 'how we we... came to love each other.'

lwj has never asked before. wwx swallows. forces himself to be brave, and says, 'i. we. lan zhan... i didn't know you loved me. i don't know if you.... if you did.'

he tells lwj about the times lwj visited the burial mounds. how they fought when lwj entreated wwx to come with him, back to gusu, where he could be cleansed. how sometimes they simply walked with each other, wwx talking and lwj listening and watching him, eyes soft.

about the time the jin sect injured wwx, and lwj had come to wwx. *begged* him to leave. argued with him. wwx had yelled, and lwj had yelled, and then lwj had kissed him, angry, fierce. and wwx had dragged him down to the ground and-

'i don't know why you kissed me,' wwx says.

'i don't know why you did... anything. with me.' he exhales. 'but i know. in the morning. you asked me to come to gusu again. and i said no. and you... you wouldn't look at me. you left without looking back.' he closes his eyes. 'lan zhan, i thought it was better to let you go.'

he doesn't want to look at lwj. he's afraid. he doesn't know why.

'why did you kiss me in return?' lwj asks, finally.

'i...' wwx falters. says, heart aching, 'because i. loved you. that's always been true.'

he doesn't want to open his eyes. but he does, when he feels lwj shift closer.

lwj's lips press gently against his own.

wwx gasps and the kiss deepens. lwj cups his cheek. they kiss and kiss, and then lwj says, voice soft, 'wei ying.'

'lan zhan.'

'wei ying.' another kiss.

'i love you,' lwj says. 'i always have.'

'you don't know that,' wwx says, choked. 'because of me. *you don't know*.'

'i do,' lwj replies. holding him, cupping his face. 'i know myself. i know this. my heart has always been yours.'

overwhelmed, wwx kisses him again and again. they lie next to each other, kissing and talking, for hours. wwx only rises when lwj's exhaustion overtakes him and he falls asleep again.

later, when he wq sees him, she snorts and shakes her head.

'what?' wwx asks. 'what is it?'

'nothing,' she says. 'congratulations.'

-

things should be better after that. more joyful.

but lwj gets sicker.

wwx hates leaving lwj's side. he almost doesn't respond when the wards warn him an outsider is approaching. he sends wen ning, but wen ning returns and tells him there is a rogue cultivator there who needs his help. a haunting, a village. they need yllz.

'go,' lwj says.

wwx goes. at the edge of the wards is rogue cultivator. thin, tired, nervous looking. he bows. 'yiling laozu,' he says. 'it's, ah, an honour to meet you...'

'speak quickly,' wwx says, voice dark.

the man tries, but he stumbles over his words, talking in circles.

he's not a very good cultivator, or very experienced. wwx is quickly losing patience when the man's eyes widen, and he says, 'who is that?'

wwx turns sharply. lwj is standing there, holding his lower back, sweating and swaying on his feet.

'lan zhan,' wwx murmurs. turns to the cultivator. 'i'm sorry,' he says quickly. 'i can't help you.'

'but, yiling laozu-'

wwx doesn't wait to listen. he runs to lwj, grasping him by the arms. 'what are you doing here? what's wrong?'

'i had to walk,' lwj grits out, pained.

he makes a low, hurt nose. wwx holds him tighter.

'i know it was - foolish,' lwj manages to say. 'but i had to. i...' he grips wwx tighter in return. 'i believe it's time.'

'okay,' wwx says, panicking. 'okay. we're taking you back to wen qing.'

they leave the cultivator outside the wards. wq doesn't even scold lwj. it's definitely time.

the rest of the day - and the night - and the day after that are... long. frightening. wwx doesn't leave lwj's side.

but at the end of it, just as the sun is setting, their son - a-yuan - is born. small and wrinkled and wailing, and entirely healthy.

wwx weeps as wq places a-yuan against lwj's chest. 'lan zhan,' wwx whispers, awed. 'look at him.'

'perfect,' lwj murmurs in return. and smiles.

//...i feel like i should leave this here so you can have a break from knife town. see you tomorrow??//

//everyone is asleep so i'm back to cause problems lmao//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

lwj cannot stop marvelling over how perfect his son is. his son, and wwx's son. *their* son. he counts a-yuan's fingers and toes; holds a-yuan's warm, small body against his own chest.

the only person more enchanted by a-yuan than lwj is, is wwx.

'look at him, lan zhan,' wwx says, awed. 'look what you did. you *made* him.'

'we both made him,' lwj says dryly.

'tsk.' wwx makes a dismissive sound, still looking at a-yuan. 'you did all the hard work. you're amazing, lan zhan. i love you so much.'

lwj can't help but kiss him, then.

he wants to go through the blood ritual immediately, after that. now that their son is safely born, and lwj's golden core can focus on maintaining his own health - why should they wait?

but wq says he must wait longer.

cw mpreg

'you've only just given birth,' she says. 'give your core some time.'

'how long,' lwj says flatly. surely he has waited long enough.

'until your physician tells you it's safe.' her words are blunt, but her voice gentles when she adds, 'you won't forget him, hgj.'

wwx jumps in then. 'as long as you remain in the burial mounds, your memory will be safe from the spell,' wwx reminds him earnestly. 'in fact, now we might have some time to-'

'no.'

lwj's voice is iron. 'there is no way to save a-yuan from this spell without ending it and risking everyone here,' says lwj. 'so i will join you - and our son - under its power. i will take your blood. you promised, wei ying.'

wwx meets his eyes. solemn. nods.

'when wq says it's safe,' wwx replies slowly. 'we'll do it.'

satisified, lwj turns his focus on arguing with wq, who eventually agrees that he may take part in the ritual in a week. 'no earlier, hanguang jun,' she warns. 'let your core heal you first.'

secretly, lwj has to admit wq is correct. he feels weak; terribly drained by resentful energy, and his core's clear efforts to protect a-yuan over himself. meditation and time will cure the worst of it.

he rests, when a-yuan rests. when he wakes he hears whispered arguing.

'...won't leave,' wen ning says apologetically. 'i tried-'

'it couldn't be a worse time for this,' wwx mutters in return. 'can't he go to a sect? jiang cheng would-'

'-says it's lanling jin territory-'

'that's even more reason not to-'

'wei ying,' lwj calls. the voices stop.

they were standing outside. but wwx shuffles in now, looking guilty.

'did we wake you? i'm sorry, lan zhan.'

'tell me what is happening.'

wwx does. the rogue cultivator lwj glimpsed earlier, when his body demanded he walk, when his mind was muddied with pain, has returned.

the cultivator is desperate for help. he refuses to leave without yllz. he says there is a malevolent spirit in his village. innocent people are dying, children, the elderly, and and lanling jin refuse to help.

lwj listens. strokes a-yuan's hair.

'you must go,' he says.

wwx hisses out a breath.

'lan zhan-'

'i would not ask you to leave innocent people in danger,' lwj interrupts. 'not for my sake.'

'you're not asking,' wwx says. 'but i...'

he trails off. he knows what is right, just as lwj does.

'a-yuan and i will be safe,' lwj says gently.

wwx rubs a hand over his face. nods.

'i'll be back in less than a week,' wwx says. 'i haven't forgotten, lan zhan. i'll keep my promise.'

lwj grasps his hand. threads their fingers together.

'i know,' he says.

wwx kisses a-yuan's forehead. then kisses lwj - his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his mouth. sweet. 'rest,' wwx says.

he leaves before sunset. lwj feeds their son, and eats a meal of his own, and rests some more.

it's night, when he hears one of the older wens screaming.

he startles awake, sitting ramrod straight. his abdomen twinges horribly. a-yuan, jolted by him, begins to cry. wailing, kittenish howls.

lwj holds his son against his chest and leaves his home.

outside the wens are huddled together. someone is crying.

'cultivators,' one of them explains, when lwj demands answers. 'beyond the wards. but they're trying to break them. and without wei-gongzi here-'

'how many cultivators,' lwj asks. and then he sees wen qing, striding toward them from the edge of the wards. her eyes are wild.

'thirty-three,' she says. 'hanguang jun. they're from the lan sect.'

his heart thumps. his family. his sect. how did they find him? how did they know? and why have they come in force, as an army?

here is an answer, though lwj will not learn it. perhaps not for a long time:

yllz cannot be remembered. the wens who share his blood cannot be remembered.

but lwj is not under that spell. even when everyone around him forgot his pregnancy, they did not forget *him*.

his family have been searching for him. frantic.

and when a rogue cultivator came to yllz for help, and left with one sharp, clear memory of a cultivator in lan whites...

he made some assumptions.

hgj had clearly been captured by yllz.

he went to the lan sect.

agreed to trick and coax yllz away so that hgj could be saved.

somewhere, wwx has reached a village with no haunting. the rogue cultivator has run from him, & a talisman in wwx's robes has begun to burn in warning.

somewhere, wwx knows he's been tricked. but it's too late.

//ok i gotta actually work more later//

lwj and wq stand behind the wards, out of the line of sight of the lan cultivators who are trying to break the wards. the cultivators look fierce, determined.

lwj sees his brother amongst them. his breath catches.

'i will speak to them,' he says in a low voice.

'you thinking speaking will convince them? wq asks. she sounds sceptical.

lwj could tell her that, thanks to wwx and the spell of forgetting, his family do not know 'enemies of the cultivation world' - wens - live here, or that wwx is reviled for turning on his own sect.

all they know is that lwj is here.

'my sect trust me,' lwj says simply. 'i will explain it to them.'

he leave a-yuan in her arms, and walks to the edge of the burial mounds. closer to leaving the burial mounds than he has been since the day he arrived here, seeking out yllz.

a whisper runs through the crowd, and lxc's eyes fix on him, widening. 'wangji,' he says. 'wangji, you're here after all.'

'xiongzhang.'

lxc takes a stumbling step forward.

'are you alive?' his voice trembles.

lwj should not be able to become a ghost. he had his soul calming ceremony. but he is in the burial mounds. he understands his brother's fear.

guilt washes over him. he should have reached out to his family. but what could he have said? when they could not see his pregnancy?

'i live,' lwj says. 'i am whole.'

lxc takes another step forward. the wards stop him in his tracks.

'wangji.' exhaled breath, straightened shoulders. lxc is the sect leader again. 'who is holding you here?'

'i have chosen to be here.'

'these wards are made by someone on a heretical cultivation path,' a lan elder says gruffly. 'that was not you.'

'no,' lwj agrees. 'i did not make the wards. but i have chosen to be here. i am sorry for causing upset.'

lxc nods, eyes on him.

'you're safe here? happy?'

'yes,' lwj confirms. some lan elders look around in obvious disbelief. happy? in the burial mounds?

'then cross the wards and speak to us out here,' lwj says gently. 'show us you're not a prisoner, wangji. that would put our minds at ease.'

lwj shakes his head. he cannot cross the wards.

he cannot forget wwx or their son.

lxc goes on, gentle, 'we were told by the one who saw you that you were sick. maybe injured.'

'i am weaker,' lwj says, unable to lie - and lxc can *see* him. it's clear he's been ill.

'but i was not harmed. it will pass.'

the faces of the lan elders are... hard. but worried.

'let us examine you,' lxc urges. 'please, wangji.'

lwj shakes his head again.

'i will make a vow, on our sect, to return you to the burial mounds if there is no trickery ensnaring you,' lxc says. 'i'll promise on my honour. is that enough? will you come?'

lwj can feel his heart pounding.

'i cannot,' he says.

he sees certainty dawn in his brother's eyes: this is enough to convince lxc that lwj is trapped. ensnared. his mind and his body held by demonic forces.

and there is nothing lwj can do to convince him otherwise. because he *cannot leave*. not if he wants to remember.

'i have a son,' lwj blurts out. 'newborn, and my own. when you leave here you will forget i spoke of him, and *i* will forget. there is magic upon this place, but it is not controlling me. but if i leave, i will be lost to him. please xiongzhang. i will show him to you-'

'wangji-'

'trust me,' lwj begs. 'when you see a-yuan you will understand.'

lxc will see, and leave. lxc will come back again, surely. because he will forget a-yuan. it is ludicrous, awful. but at least the pause may buy enough time for wwx to return. for lwj to take his blood.

cw ref to noncon

lwj turns, searching - and in response wq takes a cautious step into the light, a-yuan in her arms.

lwj turns to look at lxc. sees as lxc catches sight of a-yuan - as horror washes over his face, as he draws the worst possible conclusions.

cw ref to noncon, mpreg

distantly, lwj knows if lxc were capable of childbearing, and had vanished, and turned up frail and weakened in a warded domain of resentful cultivation, unable to leave, with an infant... lwj would draw similar, terrible conclusions.

cw ref to noncon

but that does not help him, as he begs his brother now. as hears the other lan cultivators whisper, or look in horror - their own lan wangji has been defiled. their own lan wangji is being held hostage by a malevolent being. he is possessed, imprisoned-

'no,' lwj tries to stay. 'no. listen to me, xiongzhang, listen-'

'while the yiling laozu is not here...' someone is saying, and lxc's expression hardens. resolute.

'forgive me, wangji,' he says. 'but i have to save you.'

the lan sect begin to throw the full force of their strength against the wards.

and lwj turns - even as lxc cries his name - and drags wq and a-yuan back deep into the burial mounds.

'the wards are going to fall,' wq says, face grim. she does not try and scold him for talking to his family, but there are tears gleaming in her eyes. she dashes them away. 'there's no chance wei wuxian will return in time.'

'i'll fight them,' wen ning says. 'if i must.'

'hanguang jun, i am sorry. we have no wish to harm your family,' wn says awkwardly. lwj shakes his head.

'they outnumber you,' he murmurs. 'they will overwhelm you.'

'i know,' wn says. 'but i have to try.'

there's a distant boom, as the wards tremble.

the wens are weeping, or sitting silent, shocked and grim. waiting. they have suffered so much.

lwj's heart aches.

i have been selfish, he thinks.

wq is still holding a-yuan. lwj holds out his arms, and she gives him his son.

a-yuan is small enough that lwj can hold him, swaddled, in the crook of one arm. he does so. he looks down at his son. that soft, round face. the tufts of dark hair. the way he scrunches his nose when he sleeps.

with his free hand, he removes his forehead ribbon.

he tucks it into a-yuan's blanket, tenderly.

'what are you doing?' wq asks.

'what i must,' lwj says calmly. he leans down, and presses his lips to his son's forehead. then he hands a-yuan to wq. she takes him, arms only faintly trembling.

he goes into his home. gathers ink, and a brush, and writes on the inside of his left wrist:

run.

hopefully, when he is beyond the wards and remembers nothing, he will trust his own instructions. hopefully he will lead the lan sect far, far, far from the burial mounds.

hope is all he has. he walks out. the wards are faltering. there is no time.

'tell wei ying,' he begins. then stops.

he meant to say to wq: tell wei ying i love him. tell him i know he will raise a-yuan well.

but no.

one last act of selfishness.

'tell wei ying he must come for me,' he says to wq. 'tell him this is my last wish as myself. he must find me. he must perform the ritual.' he swallows back grief. 'he must bring me home to our son.'

'you won't remember him,' wq says hoarsely.

'no,' says lwj. 'but i will love him once more. i will always love him.' he forces himself to walk forward, strong, sure. 'take care of a-yuan. and if...'

he cannot say it. throat drying up. but wq understands.

'no matter what,' she says softly, 'a-yuan will know you love him.'

lwj nods and forces him to walk. to not look back. he grasps his sword.

flying will be the fastest way to run.

the edge of the burial mounds. the wards trembling.

he steps closer. closer.

wei ying, he thinks. a-yuan.

he rises onto his sword. and with a burst of spiritual energy, crosses the wards. and flies. and runs. and runs. and runs-

- and wakes, energy spent. lying in the dirt on a nameless field. starlit sky above him. night.

he hears a thump. running. and there is...

'xiongzhang?' he says, confused. were they in a nighthunt? why do his limbs feel so weak, his core exhausted? why is his brother crying?

'where are we?' lwj asks, rising up onto his elbows. his sword lies beside him. there is dirt smeared on his clothes - and ink, blurred and smudged, unreadable, on his wrist. strange.

lxc embraces him tightly. still crying.

'wangji,' he says. 'i'm taking you home.'

//....night 😌 //

//might be a short one tonight as i'm tired but ty for all the screams of pain they've given me so much life//

wwx doesn't really remember what it was like when he raced back to the burial mounds and stumbled through the wards, and found lwj gone. he hadn't known what to expect. he'd feared he'd come back and find everyone dead. this is... better.

it doesn't stop him from feeling numb.

he feels nothing as he strengthens the wards. as he works with wq to make sure a-yuan will still be fed and safe and cared for, even without lwj here. and wwx feels nothing as a-yuan wails and wails and wails, wanting lwj's warmth and being denied it.

wq explains what lwj wanted. his final wish. she speaks gently, as wwx rocks a-yuan to sleep and stares at the wall, seeing nothing.

'i can't do that,' wwx says, empty. 'i can't go after him.'

'why not?' wq asks.

wwx imagines it. going after lwj. seeing hate in lwj's eyes, or worse - no recognition. disinterest. no feeling at all. imagines forcing lwj to take his blood, stealing lwj away from his life-

'it would be cruel,' wwx whispers.

a-yuan shifts in his sleep. kicks one little foot free from his blanket. wwx gently tucks it away again.

he expects wq to argue. ask him questions. but she doesn't.

'you need to rest,' she says. 'tomorrow...'

'i'm not going to change my mind.'

she leans over. takes a-yuan carefully from his arms.

'popo and i will watch him tonight. you focus on your rest,' she says.

how can he rest when lwj isn't here with him?

he doesn't say so.

wq is almost out of the door. she turns.

'wei wuxian,' she says.

he looks up at her. she takes a deep breath.

'we never wanted you to destroy you life for us, or break your heart.' her voice wavers. 'you have a chance at happiness. please. take it.'

she doesn't wait for a response. she goes.

when she's gone, wwx walks around the room. gathers up all the talismans, sketched out arrays, notes he'd made - everything he'd come up with that he'd hope would set a-yuan free.

he takes it all to the demon-slaughtering cave and starts a fire, and burns it all piece by piece.

none of it worked. none of it is worth anything. what use if there in keeping it?

one by one, they burn. until-

wwx is holding a mask in his hand.

he remembers putting it on. lwj removing it, looking at him with soft eyes.

he almost throws it in the fire. but he manages to stop himself.

he pushes up his sleeve. the white ribbon - lwj's forehead ribbon - is bound to his forearm.

'i won't make you do something you don't want to do, lan zhan,' he whispers to it. 'even if i know you asked me to.'

but he has his mask. a mask made of resentful energy. a mask that will make him... memorable. not as wwx. but as yiling laozu.

'let's see if i can make you love me again, lan zhan.' he laughs weakly. 'let's see if you'll choose me one last time.'

he puts the mask on.

//gotta sleep i'm sorry! and sorry the magic side of this is so complicated my bad//

//you're all so nice thank you ;-; //

//top!//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

//fdkhmfltj sorry family stuff came up

also a warning. lwj is dealing with some really uncomfortable feelings re memory stuff and body stuff and the possibility he had a baby and doesn't know it? not sure how to tag so feel free to nope out if you need to//

something happened to lwj. no one can really seem to tell him what is was.

he went missing. he was, perhaps, stolen by a being known as yllz. but then his brother came for him - and he was saved, or perhaps escaped. the lan cultivators who came for him cannot quite remember.

it is a reflection of the power of yllz. all the elders agree. it is lucky lwj is safe now, beyond yllz's reach.

lwj does not feel safe.

all the elders ask lwj how he ended up in yllz's power. they need to know so they can ascertain how much of a threat yllz is.

lwj does not want to speak of it. when pushed he says, 'i went to him of my own free will.'

they ask lwj why. why would he go?

he does not answer.

in truth, he doesn't know. something is gone from his memory. he knows he was... worried. he knows he sought out help, and heard of yllz, and went to him...

and now he is home. the rest is gone.

cw mpreg

the physicians scold the elders for pestering him. they say lwj is fragile, that he requires time recover.

when the elders leave lwj alone, the physicians sit with him. one explains to him, gently, what the changes to his body signify.

cw mpreg

after that, lwj feels nauseous. he speaks to no one for some time.

a child. he had a child.

he does not remember a child.

but lwj is no fool. he thinks, carefully, of when his worry began. when he left cloud recesses. when he heard of yllz.

that night, he rises from his sick bed and prepares to leave. but. something stops him.

there is a voice, an urgent voice in his head, telling him he cannot return to the burial mounds. there is a voice saying /run/.

he does not know why. but he does not leave.

he notes how... easily the knowledge of how his body has altered slips from his mind. the way the physicians frown every time they observe him, as if they are surprised. there is some kind of magic at play here.

whatever yllz is, his power is impossibly great.

is yllz evil? benevolent? immortals cannot be judged as mortals are, but lwj cannot help but wonder. fear. hope.

he has only one other piece of evidence:

he no longer has his forehead ribbon.

his ribbon could have been taken from him. it's possible.

but it is also possible he chose to part with it.

he meditates. he listens to the nausea in him, and the grief unpinned inside him. he does not know what he grieves for.

his brother and uncle sit with him.

'i'm sorry, wangji,' his brother whispers, once. lwj, half slumbering, opens his eyes.

'why?' lwj asks him.

lxc looks troubled. 'i don't know,' he says heavily. 'but i am, nonetheless.'

it is lqr, of all people, who mentions a local nighthunt. he speaks of it casually, and of the fact there are no members of the lan sect available to attend to it. it is not a serious haunting, but even minor troubles to a sect are life and death to common folk.

that day, lwj finally leaves his sick bed. he dresses, without thinking of the changed softness of his body. he takes up his sword. he walks out of cloud recesses, back into the world.

it is the first night hunt of many. each longer than the last. each further away from home.

run, a voice inside him said. and he is.

he runs from everyone he loves. he runs into the quiet of forests and the merry noise of strange villages. he runs until there are no inns, and he must sleep under starlight, or on a wintry blanket of snow.

he writes home. he receives letters urging him to return. he does not.

then one night, he wakes. the smell of cedar is in the air, and cold wind. there are tears in his eyes. he dreamt of an infant wailing.

there is no wailing. but there is another sound on the wind:

a flute.

[[ok... i'm back. nervous!!]]

//top!//

https://twitter.com/iliacquer/status/1496903148627283971

lwj follows the sound of the flute. he feels strangely calm. as if this moment is inevitable.

a man is leaning against a tree, playing a dizi. it is... difficult to discern his features. they slide out of lwj's memory between blinks. what remains is the darkness of his robes.

the red ribbon in his hair. his long fingers.

the silver mask that covers his face. the mask sticks to lwj's mind like a stitch through cloth, holding the memory of yllz in place. somehow lwj knows without that mask, he would not be able to remember the man in front of him.

yllz stops playing his dizi. lowers it. there is silence. just the wind between them. their eyes meet, and yllz's mouth shapes a joyless smile.

'lan zhan,' he says. 'you don't look surprised to see me.'

is this intimacy or an insult? lwj has no way of knowing.

'why are you here?' lwj asks. he remembers the voice in his head, the urging to run.

if yllz has come for him, should lwj flee? he does not want to. running is not in his nature. and he is not afraid.

yllz's smile fades, a little. even through the mask his eyes are fixed on lwj - and soft, almost tearful.

'i...' he stops. clears his throat. 'i'm sorry,' he says. 'i've thought for a long time about what i'd say to you! i don't want to frighten you.'

'should i be frightened?'

'no! no,' says yllz hurriedly. 'i'm here as a - a friend. someone who wants the best for you.' his hands are tight on his dizi. 'and in truth, i know how impossible it is to frighten you. i knew it was more likely you'd be angry.'

lwj has plenty of reason to be angry.

but he finds he is.... not.

he has had to learn to trust his body. his body knows it has birthed a child, even as his mind forgets. his body knew he could not return to the burial mounds. his body carried him to this clearing, to yllz.

his body is not afraid.

his body is lighter than it has been since he woke in cloud recesses. he feels like a weight has been lifted from him, or as if he could weep.

he walks towards yllz, who goes as still as a frightened rabbit.

'lan zhan,' yllz whispers, as lwj kneels down to his level.

yllz doesn't fight when lwj takes his arm. pushes back his sleeve.

tied to yllz's wrist is lwj's forehead ribbon.

'would you believe me,' yllz says shakily, 'if i told you that you gave it to me?'

lwj says nothing. he unknots the ribbon. moves to remove it - and yllz flinches. says, 'don't.'

'it is mine,' lwj replies. 'mine to give, and mine to take.'

yllz goes still. lets him remove it. the skin where the forehead ribbon sat is paler than the rest, a sunless tattoo.

yllz does protest when lwj grasps both his wrists and roughly begins to bind them together, lacing his forehead ribbon tightly over yllz's skin.

'you - are you trying to imprison me?' he laughs roughly. 'lan zhan, it's not so easy. i won't let you take me prisoner-'

'i am not imprisoning you,' lwj replies.

'what then? are you going to kill cut my throat?' another rough exhale. 'lan zhan. maybe i deserve it. if anyone has the right...'

'stop talking.'

'you can't,' yllz continues. 'i have people relying on me.'

'and if you did not, you would allow me to kill you?' the thought makes lwj angrier than it should. he does not know yllz.

(but he does. he does.)

this time yllz is silent. lwj tightens the binding brutally. he wants to leave a mark.

'i know who relies on you,' lwj says.

his voice is sharp. 'you have a child with my blood. you have my child relying on you.'

yllz is staring at him, wide eyes through the mask. a word could shatter him. but lwj cannot tread carefully.

'our child,' lwj goes on harshly. 'it is written in my skin, and in your face, and in - this.' a tug at the forehead ribbon, yllz's wrists.

'do you...' yllz's voice is breaking. 'do you remember?'

'no. i do not.'

'i miss a child i do not remember,' lwj says. 'i miss a life i do not remember. i miss you, and i do not remember you. you cannot comprehend what it means to grieve and remember nothing. so tell me now: why are you here?'

'for you,' yllz says, shaking in his grip. 'for you lan zhan, to convince you to love me again, to bring you home to our son. because you're my zhiji, because i love you-'

lwj wrenches him forward by his bound wrists and kisses him.

his body remembers kissing yllz. his body knows he is home.

-

after, yllz asks him if he will partake in a ritual. a blood ritual that will allow lwj to remember yllz - but will make everyone lwj loves forget him.

lwj does not hesitate before agreeing.

he remembers his brother's apology, and the hazy look in lxc's eyes, and feels sure his brother would understand.

'i thought i would have to convince you to love me all over again,' yllz says, before the ritual begins.

'i thought you wouldn't want to come with me. i thought...'

he stops abruptly. 'i was afraid,' he says finally, quietly. 'that you'd never love me again.'

'i never stopped,' lwj says truthfully.

they perform the blood ritual, and wwx and lwj return to the burial mounds. lwj holds their son again.

and lwj is forgotten.

...for six months.

then one day, abruptly, lxc wakes in his bed. he remembers he has a brother. he remembers -

everything.

lxc is not known for swearing, but he does a LOT of it then.

he's ready to fly straight to the burial mounds and beg forgiveness (and deal with whatever clusterfuck is happening over there, because if he remembers then perhaps so do the jin, the nie, the jiang-)

but he immediately receives news that his brother is waiting for him.

he goes out, and meets lwj - calm, almost luminous with contentment, holding a sleeping infant in his arms. and wwx, nervous but standing tall. and lady wen, even more nervous, but unbending.

lwj tells his brother he has promised the dafan wen safety. he's convinced them all-

-to trust the lan sect. will the lan sect make a vow to keep them safe?

lxc looks at his brother. and his brother's son. and his brother's... husband. and knows there's only one answer he can give.

so yes, lwj and wwx and the dafan wen move to cloud recesses, and are safe and content, and lxc barrels through every political complication through the sheer power of brotherly guilt. the end. <3

sorry we didn't get identity porn, lwj's love was just too strong!! thank you for sticking with me!