Thread by @Banjotkaur

UNTIMELY death of a loved one, even if it has happened more than a decade ago, is an extremely difficult fact to come to terms with. Two days ago a friend and I, out of nowhere, went discussing about last 11 days of another friend who died for want of a liver transplant+

She was our batchmate during graduation at a Varanasi univ. She continued to pursue Master’s from there, I moved to Delhi. We were 21. One fine day during our PG days, we got to know she was suffering from liver cirrhosis—otherwise a totally fit person.

This was 4 days after she got was with ‘jaundice' and we kept talking—we thought it would be just fine.

4 days later got a call saying ur friend has bcm unconsciousness from somebody who knew her. I dialled friends in the univ.With their help she got admitted at the varsity hosp

Ws cont talking to friends taking care of her in hosp. Literally every few minutes we spoke. On the 2nd day itself, doctors told us a liver transplant would be reqd. We decided to go looking for a facility which did that. Had not heard of this term till then. A Google+

search revealed the name of a famous surgeon. Called at the reception of the hosp and got his cell number. At 7.05 nxt morn, I called him up.
He said Rs 30L would be reqd. This was in Dec 2009. Told him we were students. My friend's dad had passed away 2 yrs before--she n her+

mother were surviving on a modest income. The only way left to arrange 30L was to beg. All friends went begging whichever way we could. Two of us skipped our semester exams--whatever it meant. We begged far and wide.

Meanwhile, went to a prominent hosp in Delhi that is govt-run

Waited outside OPD of the doc concerned for hours. As he came out, I folded my hands to let me have his 5 mins 2 discuss the case which I knew well. He ws kind enough to talk. He said the hosp had a long queue if I ws looking for an organ frm dead. We had a donor. But live+

Organ transplant was not available there. The only way was to approach the same hosp and the same doc with whom I had spoken a day before. It ws back to 30L. Our begging continued, her condition also continued to deteriorate. Docs in Vns hosp, some I would say, would mock at us.+

'They are trying to save somebody who is dead'. Their thoughts, their words,their expressions--all are still so fresh in our minds.
They stood vindicated. We lost her on Dec 21, 2009. We lost her bcoz we couldn't arrange Rs 30L. Could arrange only 3L.
A 21-yr-old gone in 11 days

This is not just my friend's story. This is also not the complete story--the shortest vrsion. But it still haunts us.
2 days ago, the phone call was just to discuss healthcare in general. Unintentionally, he went talking, in details, about what I still did not know of the 11 days

From the ward number to 'clear the passage'.

If this has rattled me to the core, I shudder to think what would be happening to those who lost their loved ones during 2nd wave of #Covid for the want of healthcare. Some families lost more than one+

It is just not the loss that haunts you; the guilt of not doing enough, is too much to bear throughout the life.

And, therefore, when Lancet released 'Value of Death' , I just had to ask this to Dr M R Rajagopal @mrraj47 while interviewing him.+
science.thewire.in/health/covid-1…

'During India’s second COVID-19 wave, almost entire families got wiped out in certain cases. Did we fail by disallowing them to grieve with their relatives, and leave them to grieve alone?]

'Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely', Dr Rajagopal said.

Death will happen but what kills the people left behind is its untimeliness+the guilt of not doing enough to save the dying.
The intention of writing this is not catharsis. But maybe asking ourselves to think about the people in our proximity who lost their loved ones in 2nd wave

I hv always had this guilt that as a society we have just forgotten about them. We hv pushed them to some remote space that we just don't want to see.

Governments had got nothing to do with them; will have nothing to do. But how can WE become so oblivious to a person next-door?

'Move on', the friend on the call said, was a very cruel term. How could you ask somebody to just forget everything and move on?

At best, you can help that person to 'move along'--with the memories. With the pain of loss and guilt too, accepting it as a real, routine phenomenon