So, without too many spoilers (I hope), here are my thoughts on #TheBatman. It's terrible. It's genuinely terrible. And it's worst than most of these blockbusters in that the trailers gave me hope they'd found a story they wanted to tell here, but in reality, it's the very...
https://twitter.com/tweeting_keith/status/1501693875890630657
...same story even a passing viewer like me has seen told in scores of previous Batman films.
The thread of 'mystery' the writers try to stand up as a plot has about as much craft to it as an over-repeated episode of Midsomer Murders. 'The Batman' is constantly half hour...
The thread of 'mystery' the writers try to stand up as a plot has about as much craft to it as an over-repeated episode of Midsomer Murders. 'The Batman' is constantly half hour...
...behind said plot, with every reveal triggering an audience groan from the screen I was in. Indeed, the makers seem determined to think the audience is dumb, with perfunctory exposition and needless lines of dialogue that explain what we've just seen constantly...
...undermining Pattison's 'performance', which never gets out of 1st gear. The way he whisper-grunts (yes, that's a thing) every line in the film feels directly lifted from South Park's 'Coon' episodes, whilst the whole atmosphere is akin to a French & Saunders parody.
Indeed, I refuse to believe the entire cast didn't burst out laughing every time the director shouted "cut!". Even if I could excuse the dialogue from being clunky - something it seems to have picked up from Dune - the actual plotline just makes no sense. It's a film where...
...the makers seem determined to try and trigger you into going "oh, yes, just like what's happening in the real world" over and over, despite the fact the world the film represents is entirely comprised of lazy tropes. It rains a lot in Gotham, you know, and the whole city is...
...constantly cast in a brown light, don't you know, even in the daytime, which seems to last for about 30 seconds in the entire 3 hour run time. The Batman is so determined to remind you that, yes, this is a film set in the Gotham you already know over and over that it...
...forgets to do anything remotely new or interesting with it. The concept of the public being drawn to find the 'truth' by a madman obsessed with telling them they've been lied to by the establishments is an obvious nod the world in the last five years, but it's a half-hearted..
...almost token attempt to push the franchise forward in 2022 which sits especially oddly given the rest of the film is determined to keep us all rooted firmly in Batman's past.
(Oh, as an aside, there's a great scene where The Batman causes a huge motorway pile-up that...
(Oh, as an aside, there's a great scene where The Batman causes a huge motorway pile-up that...
...presumably kills hundreds, all so he can walk in slow motion with fire rising in the background. Great stuff.)
It's just tosh. Well shot, very expensive, tosh. Tosh that goes on for about an hour and a half too long given the story of The Batman's tortured youth has...
It's just tosh. Well shot, very expensive, tosh. Tosh that goes on for about an hour and a half too long given the story of The Batman's tortured youth has...
...covered scores of times before. Frankly, while it's nice to see directors try to bring in a sense of artistry into blockbusters like this, they'd be better off making sure they have a story that's actually worth telling first.
Are there any positives? Well...
Are there any positives? Well...
...Zoë Kravitz gives a solid performance, making the best of her material. John Turturro is also genuinely unsettling. Seeing Glasgow and Liverpool transformed into Gotham is technically impressive, and it was nice spotting buildings I recognised.
Oh, and I got a bit...
Oh, and I got a bit...
...of a laugh from other a couple of other cinema-goers leaving during the closing credits when I said, very loudly, "OH...SHE'S CALLED CATWOMAN BECAUSE SHE LIKES CATS! I GET IT NOW."
I also found the concept of the local news stations in Gotham constantly showing what would...
I also found the concept of the local news stations in Gotham constantly showing what would...
...be horrific videos of captured, tortured people to be highly amusing. Even in America, I think these networks would probably be hit with at least a hefty fine or something.
Other than that...yeah. There's no reason for this film to exist. There's no story told here. 0/10.
Other than that...yeah. There's no reason for this film to exist. There's no story told here. 0/10.
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