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Angry Staff Officer

Mar 20 • 9 tweets • 1 min read

So, sitting at brunch, and this chick is telling her brunch group about her brother's weird relationship and then it suddenly takes a turn to her own wedding where she says she's going to start trying for kids her wedding night

Which is gonna be red, white, and blue themed

Because as she says, she's super patriotic

She really loves America, guys

She loves it so much that they're thinking of getting married in 2026 at the 250th

And they're gonna walk down the aisle to "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood

🤢

Welp, this may have ruined brunch for

Eternity

Altho these dudes at the other table discussing skin care are partially restoring my soul

Wait, no, now they're debating US military response to zombie outbreaks

While super duper patriotic table is talking about the deep state

So

Y'know

I'm needing more alcohol

Bros have now moved on to mansplaining nukes to each other

Aaaaaand now they're on to "hypersonic nukes"

Someone please send me more alcohol

Ah, apparently the US can shoot down all non-hypersonic nukes

Cool

And now they're wondering if the Ukraine problem would be worse if Ukraine hadn't given up their nukes

Geniuses, these guys. Available for any think tank near you

Guys. Guys.

Apparently there's no difference between Democrats and Republicans, according to the Bearded Brunch Think Tank, LLC

I need to have a mainline for gin right now

Clearly, I shouldn't go out anymore

I am hereby resolving to stay in more

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Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Mar 1

About 5 years ago, I was interviewing a veteran of WWII and Vietnam. A nice, calm, older gentleman. Told incredible stories.

Halfway thru the interview, he pauses and looks at me:
"Your generation must get rid of nuclear weapons. They are the most evil things in the world."

I was slightly taken aback, and then he began to tell me why. How he had been in the US Navy in the Pacific, bombarding the Japanese mainland when they'd been told to stand off from the coast. Then the bombs were dropped. "We thought it was some Buck Rogers nonsense at first..."

Later on, in his Army career as an ordnance warrant officer, he was posted to Germany, where he was the inspector for battalions of nuclear-capable 155mm artillery. "It was terrifying, knowing that the Soviets just across the way had the exact same thing"

Read 4 tweets

Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Feb 28

This weekend has been a whole ass decade

As for commentary on what's happening in Ukraine right now, I got none

I'm not there, I don't know the details. The spirit of the people and leaders of Ukraine continue to inspire and amaze me

May we all have that same fire of spirit, and may theirs never die

We are so early in this conflict, with so much changing from day to day. I dread that far worse is coming, but who knows. We can just do what we can where we are. Try to educate people, donate where you can, call elected leaders, and be patient

Read 4 tweets

Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Feb 25

The last 24 hours has been, basically

Historian/rational brain: de-escalation, economic sanctions make sense, looking to long-term consequences, avoiding more bloodshed

Soldier/emotional brain: let's fuckin *go*

I know there are many in uniform in the US who are feeling similarly. There's an emotional response there of why we volunteered to serve. To stop things like this. It's hard to reconcile that our involvement could make things worse, escalate to something larger

Our direct involvement could play into Putin's narrative, could help solidify Russian national will towards a hard conflict. Worst case scenario, nukes fly. So many dead.

But at the same time...Like...FUCK. Watching all this happen and sitting on our hands, it sucks.

Read 6 tweets

Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Feb 15

"Alexa, play baby making music" is not what i ever ever ever ever ever ever want to hear through the wall from my neighbor's apartment

Ever

I rapidly changed and exited my apartment, headed to the gym. As I was getting in my car, my neighbor's boyfriend arrives home

I pause

Because there were definitely two sets of feet I heard going up the stairs

Male neighbor goes in the door. I pause from backing out of the driveway. I mean, I'm human, after all. Great drama calls to us.

And I want to know if I'm gonna come home to a burnt down house.

Read 5 tweets

Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Feb 12

Well, it's Friday. And apparently there might be some war or something? So might as well do my annual master and commander watch, just in case something were to happen that would prevent the normal one in the summer.

Crispy duck and Madeira pair well with 19th century naval dramas, ijs

My only aspiration is to get to a spot in my career where someone will bring my friend and I toasted cheese and we play stringed instruments

I feel that might be asking for too much, tho

Read 26 tweets

Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

Jan 30

Making the interesting life choice of deciding to watch the Two Towers extended edition

I mean, it's only like, four hours

Have stew, have booze, will see what happens

Declarations of not passing:

French at Verdun, 1916 Gandalf

Things not allowed to pass:

The Germans. A balrog

All we need now is for someone to put a Prussian helmet on the Balrog for this to be complete perfection

Read 32 tweets

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