Thread by @MarkZobeck

I'm a doctor who does research.
I've annoyed DOZENS of statisticians.
Here are 5 proven ways to exasperate them.

#medtwitter #epitwitter #statstwitter

1. Start every request for help with, "I know the p-value is the probability the null hypothesis is true..."

Then when they start to object, roll right into your request. "...so can you find smaller p-values?" or something along those lines.

Works every time.

2. Make spreadsheets as bright and creative as possible

Use lots of colors, alternate between three date formats, be liberal with random capitals in column names, use free text answers, encourage puns.

Also, be sure to say "have fun with the analysis" when you hand it over.

3. Treat research hypotheses like impressionist paintings

The big picture looks coherent but the details wash out when scrutinized. Use vague sciency sounding concepts that can mean anything.

Don't show it to the statistician until the end of the study. its best as a surprise

4. Collect all data as binary variables.

Too many numbers are confusing, so chop up those variables and throw away the fat!

Blood pressure? High/low.
Quality of life? Great/terrible.
Blood sugar? Normal/abnormal.

Then order one giant chi-squared test and you're done!

5. Talk to the statistician AFTER you finished collecting data

How hard could it be to specify a hypothesis, design a study appropriate for the methods, and collect accurate, analyzable data? Right?

Let them know you had the boring stuff covered because youve taken intro stats

...do you want to not be THAT collaborator?

Here is a helpful list of best practices to get you started -
biostat.app.vumc.org/wiki/Main/Manu…

Here is a nice glossary so you can communicate your stats needs more effectively - hbiostat.org/doc/glossary.p…