Thread by @DrHasson2

Never assume someone is coping well because they have not asked for help.

🧵/rant follows

In much of the US, asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. There’s a reason we, as mental health professionals, tend not to see people when the depression is just starting or people are a little anxious. We are the last resort.

Add onto this the stigma of being seen as “weak.” Asking for help is erroneously viewed as a sign of weakness, when in reality it is a sign of significant strength.

No one needs to handle everything on their own. But the message we are consistently given is we should be able to

Now let’s add the messaging we’ve been getting the past few years. I’ll start with “Children are resilient.”

Resilient does not mean unaffected, but the implication is that children should be able to endure whatever comes their way.

That’s simply not true.

No one, and I mean no one, is coming out of the pandemic completely unscathed. We’ve all been impacted, some more than others.

Nonetheless, the “children are resilient” messaging has been internalized by society. As a result, people aren’t paying attention to kids’ suffering because they are resilient and will get over it. And many kids feel like they should be able to handle it, so they push through.

Add to this “it could be worse”. Yes, everyone’s experience is different but that should not downplay anyone’s distress. Trauma is not a competition.

Regardless, because some have experienced more distress/trauma than others, those with perceived lower level of trauma feel like they haven’t had it as bad and therefore shouldn’t complain. It’s almost like they feel they don’t have the right to feel bad.

Your emotions are valid. Share them. It’s one way we heal.

Now let’s move onto the “others are a threat to your safety” messaging. For two years, we’ve been told to avoid gatherings, including skipped weddings and funerals. Proms and graduations were canceled. Schools were virtual. The message was clear: others are a threat to be avoided

That’s not something you get past quickly. Essentially, we were told the world is a scary place. Others can hurt you, even kill you.

If others are a danger to your safety, how could you possibly ask them for help?

Let’s not forget children have been getting this message for 2 years. For a ten year old, it’s been 20% of their life. That’s the equivalent of a 40 year old hearing it for 8 years.

Onto “you are a threat” messaging. We were told to avoid people because we may have an asymptomatic case, pass on Covid, and that person could get really sick and die.

That’s right, you could feel perfectly fine and pass on a virus that could kill someone.

That’s a lot.

So between
1- Asking for help is a sign of weakness
2- you are resilient
3- others are a threat to your safety
4- you are a threat to others’ safety

Is it any wonder children and teens aren’t asking for help?

And I haven’t even gone into other systemic issues that impact this

So to end: Ask how people are. And if they say “fine” probe further. Normalize the distress. Give openings to talk. Let’s help each other heal. And frankly, it’s our job to help the younger generation heal.

#BeThe1To