Thread by @katierouquine

(Note: I won't be discussing the specific content of the BelieveUsToo statements or the specific content of the ACNAtoo response. I stand by what I said last week, "I do not believe digging into them will benefit survivors who are already the walking wounded, pleading for help".

This weekend I found a window to sit with a slow cup of coffee and last fall's Magnolia Journal. This issue is over six months old, but I hadn't made it past the first 28 pages. Burrowed on page 29 was this:

"Whether you think you’ve played a part or not, I think it’s fair to say we’ve all been caught in the crossfire. Things get thrown at us so quickly and so recklessly that it can feel like we’ve been robbed of our depth perception, seeing only what’s visible on the surface."

"And at times, as a result, we’ve gone on to assume intent, guess motive, and hypothesize meaning. We’ve traded grace and generosity for fast assumptions and false accusations".

@The_ACNA @frandrewgross #ACNAtoo @ArchbishopFoley

In the last two weeks, a dozen people have privately reached out to me regarding the recent BelieveUsToo and ACNAtoo statements. These people range quite a bit in their perspectives on the current abuse scandal connected to @ChurchRez and its former plant, Christ Our Light.

Hearing their various impressions, questions, and for lack of a better word "default" positions has been both sobering and eye-opening.

Sometimes it can be staggering to be exposed to both ends of the spectrum. I had someone last month tell me Mark Rivera "may be immature, but he's not a child abuser" (my jaw is currently still on the floor ruminating on the 9 felony counts against him).

In the last 10 days, I've heard from a few who shared they found the ACNAtoo response lacking, disillusioning, deeply concerning, troubling & premature. It was a reminder of how differently people – smart people, people of goodwill (as these people are) – see this whole debacle.

Sometimes it overwhelms me. Other times I'm energized to try and bridge the gap.

Part of me still desperately hopes if we all had the same pieces presented, under the same light to see them by, we could see eye-to-eye – or at the very least, could present our various parts in understanding the whole.

I get concerned when I see us talking past each other and want to see if I can help shed some light, or at least take the temperature down a notch.

I want to be clear from the outset – I'm grateful for ACNAtoo's advocacy *and* I'm not a member of ACNAtoo, I don't speak for ACNAtoo, and (just for the record) I don't agree with all of ACNAtoo. Just know that as you continue reading.

In the last two weeks, I've observed several ACNA folks (many of them priests) who've been pithy and uncharitable about the ACNAtoo response statement to BelieveUsToo's original statement.

@The_ACNA @frandrewgross #ACNAtoo @ArchbishopFoley

One was ticked that ACNAtoo didn't say something in the first 24 hours and implied they were dragging their feet or de-prioritizing BelieveUsToo. Another called them malevolent. Yet another called them rotten.

Another person insinuated that "the true victims had finally spoken" (implying ACNAtoo victims are not "real"?).Then there are the multiple folks who claim ACNAtoo is only interested in an ideological/political agenda – not actually caring about abuse survivors, but using them.

As much as I recognize many of these folks (even the priests!) are on the fringe, it has disturbed me to read such freely callous and mean-spirited statements, seemingly without shame. (However, this is nothing new, so I wasn't surprised).

On the flipside, I had people reach out to express they found ACNAtoo's response "incredibly gracious", "mature and inclusive", or to comment, "I appreciated that ACNAtoo was willing to extend validation to the BelieveUsToo statement"...
@The_ACNA @frandrewgross @ArchbishopFoley

...and "they weren’t trying to do any more stirring up of the pot – they could have gone a lot farther in their response, but they honored the other survivors and their feelings, and I think that speaks a lot of their intentions and their integrity". Sentiments along those lines.

Yet, when the emails came from people who wrote to share and entrust me with their disappointments and concerns about the ACNAtoo statement (the aforementioned "troubled, premature, disillusioning", etc),...

...it took me aback because it was clear the statement had *not* landed as it was intended, even among people who are *not* trying to assume the worst.

That weighed on me. I sat with it and realized my perception of the statement was nearly a 180 from theirs – and yet I'd consider them each to be equally intelligent, rational, and thoughtful people.

But we're having very different experiences of this mess, and that's understandable given our different vantage points (and to be super clear, I don't see these people as anywhere close to being in the same camp as those I noted as freely callous and mean-spirited).

An obvious variable related to the ACNAtoo statement (that they would have no way of knowing) is the fact that I was asked to weigh in on it. The team had already been working on it since Sunday (the day after BelieveUsToo first posted) when they asked me to weigh in Tuesday.

I observed the myriad comments and edits and drafts. I saw the way it evolved and took shape. And I saw them decide at the end of the day to *not* say all the many things they could say and instead simply choose a path of kindness and validation.

From the start they wanted to honor BelieveUsToo victims, so that was not in question - but they decided offering context/clarification/etc alongside that would take away from a larger good of graciousness (& might read as watering-down the validation they sought to offer)...

Because of all that, I was really proud of them. I felt they took the high road. I felt it was wise and exercised self-control to *not* get into the details, and honestly, I thought the statement read as an olive branch.

I say that as a witness to the process of creating the ACNAtoo statement. Those of you who know me personally know how much of a stickler I am for details and integrity. As I once told a former manager of mine, "I don't do bullshit".

For what it's worth to those wondering, the ACNAtoo statement was not a quickly-dashed-off statement. It wasn't a statement of deflection. It was a statement that came out of hours and hours of careful thought, and it was not intended to be self-protective or self-serving.

It was intended as a sincere gesture of love and support.

@The_ACNA @frandrewgross #ACNAtoo @ArchbishopFoley

If you happen to be someone who wasn't able to initially consider that possibility, I want to offer you that take as someone who saw it firsthand.

@The_ACNA @frandrewgross #ACNAtoo @ArchbishopFoley

That doesn't mean you have to like the statement. And it doesn't mean you can't think differently from me about what needs to be publicly covered or addressed. But please don't let that morph into judging their team as people who couldn't possibly be operating out of goodwill.

As Christians, let's not "assume intent, guess motive, and hypothesize meaning" without including the possibility for sincerity. (Who knew the Holy Spirit would get my attention through Joanna Gaines!).

Just as I know the people who wrote to me with sincere concerns are folks of goodwill, I know the people on ACNAtoo's team who wrote that sincere statement are folks of goodwill.

In the midst of discomfort and pain on so many levels, I don't want us to miss the olive branches. God knows we need them.

@The_ACNA @frandrewgross #ACNAtoo @ArchbishopFoley

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