In relationships, conversations matter. Deep, probing, uncomfortable discussions. This is because they provide context and elicit understanding.
A few years ago, I met someone who was brash and blunt. Because of his abrasive nature, I was tempted to cut him off.
One day, while conversing, he described his childhood. He grew up in a polygamous home where he was the runt of the litter. He competed for everything and learned to be vocal at a very young age.
Suddenly, his behaviour clicked. I understood where he was coming from and so my perspective changed.
I decided to become a non-threatening safe space for him. In return, he let down his guard. Eventually, we had a good friendship and he brought value to my life. Understanding him made all the difference.
Conversations matter. They transform relationships. So please don't shy away from them.
You need a home. There might be a Russia-Ukraine war, and a pandemic may be raging. Nigeria may not have light and diesel prices may have doubled in days. But, when you get home, there is quietness.
Your business partners may be shafting you. Regulators may be unpredictable and unbearable. But when you return home, you experience a haven of order, values, honour and comfort.
If you married the wrong person; if a loved one is struggling with a debilitating chronic condition, going home may be difficult.
If you're barely trying to get by and you live in a rough part of town, the concept of home may be far from you.
There are four stages of career growth: Skills, Expertise, Structure and Legacy.
Skills: At this stage, you're aggressively developing your knowledge and abilities. You typically don't have much disposable income. This is because after meeting your basic expenses, if you're wise, you spend what's left on additional certifications, degrees & cultural exposure.
Expertise: Now you're a high earning professional. You've parlayed your skills into a great paying role or business and you are in demand. Your focus is maximizing your productive years and reaping the fruit of earlier investments in self-development.
CHURCHES AND CREATIVE HACKATHONS: I spent a few hours with two pastors I respect, discussing the church. At some point, I expressed a growing frustration - how the promises in the Bible rarely line up with the reality of the Christian life. Something was not adding up.
The consensus seemed to be that Christians rarely deploy the gifts of the Spirit in the real world. This is because we are limited by religion. So, we become as normal and as powerless as everyone else.
For some reason, we do not think to use word of wisdom and prophecy for instance, in product design and corporate negotiations. We think those gifts are limited to church services and our personal lives.
A WORLD GONE MAD: My friend and I have been talking about the paucity of good people in a world gone mad. Good is subjective but you know it when you see it. It's a combination of universal values like kindness, fairness, equity, respect and so on.
We did a quick assessment of whether our circles have tightened, we go out less or we meet fewer people. We finally settled on, "The world has changed."
I used to think darkness of spirit was an African problem. Perhaps a consequence of the belief in the diabolical, poor educational standards or a deepening desperation to escape poverty. But lately, I'm noticing the dark side everywhere.
I've served on boards of startups. My most effective tenures are the ones where my role is clearly defined & negotiated at the beginning. Then, the founder makes specific asks thereafter, in line with the defined roles.
All those amorphous board appointments don't really work. Where you "sorta" expect the board member to do introductions or help you raise venture funding. And then, nothing happens. It's like someone expecting me, an introvert to do introductions. How will that work? 💁🏾♀️
Sometimes, the ill-defined board roles happen when the founder just needs your name, not time. They need you for political reasons. That's fine. At least be clear.
INERTIA KILLS DREAMS: Five years before I started @volitioncap, I knew I wanted to do something different from my role at the time. I felt a restlessness and tiredness in my spirit. Like I had moved beyond my current assignment and needed to grow & move forward.
It was like my potential was in a holding pattern and I had to break free to explore what more I could do.
However, I was stuck in a cycle of inertia. My current team mates were like family, and I didn't want to disappoint them or the mission we had all subscribed to. I had never had dreams of becoming an entrepreneur, so I also wondered if it was the right move.