Thread by @bethanyholmes_

Thoughts on being 1 of 3(?) POCs in a social justice focused music therapy graduate program, a thread.🧵 (1/12)

#musictherapy #AcademicTwitter

I mentally prepare for EVERY class. 99% of my classmates are white & that means being subjected to bits of harm frequently, regardless of what the class is about. Classes are an extension of my every day lived experiences, they aren’t better bc they’re with “educated” ppl. (2/12)

“Educated” in quotes bc academically, sure. We’re all well read. We’re all in a master’s program. But white ppl’s tendency to intellectualize topics that make them uncomfortable takes away from our classes’ ability to have meaningful dialogue. We’re constantly moving away (3/12)

from real conversations to talk about why no one wants to say anything. I find myself emotional & pleading with my peers to say something—anything— in place of the silence they choose. Silence that speaks volumes to me. My peers are afraid of saying something wrong, sure. (4/12)

They say “as a white person, I don’t feel like I can speak on this.” Or, “I’m white & I don’t want to say the wrong thing.” But what I can’t swallow is the unfairness in why I have no choice but to come to class and be me (a brown skinned Latina & everything that means), (5/12)

to be subjected to toxicity & harm in various ways from my white peers, while they get to come to class, have a scratch the surface convo on race, & then go about their lives. While they’ve returned to their privilege, I’ve returned to my pain. It’s not fair. (6/12)

I cried in class last night in front of my peers. Not because I wanted them to see me cry. But because for me, showing up as 1 of 2 POCs in a class full of white peers IS vulnerability. My existence in class is vulnerable because of my race and I can’t change that. (7/12)

Which makes me wonder. What is it really that my peers are afraid of? Are they really so afraid of being perceived negatively that it’s stopping them from talking about race in a social justice program? I don’t quite buy that. (8/12)

In class, a common answer is, “it’s hard to open up & be vulnerable b/c we don’t know each other well, we’re over Zoom, it’s not the same as IRL.” Hmm. Do you think it’s easy for me to sit in class & be vulnerable not by choice, but b/c that’s what it means to be me? (9/12)

Why is that I’m able to have real, meaningful, productive discussions with the other POC (who is an introvert) in my class when we’ve never met IRL & I met her only last semester but my entire class of white peers can’t seem to speak about race in a productive way? (10/12)

You might say, b/c you & the other POC can relate, that’s why it’s easy. My white peers can’t relate to each other via their shared experiences of privilege & what it means to be white? The thing is, most of them know what it means but they won’t talk about it. Why? (11/12)

I came here to share my thoughts, the ones that kept me from sleep. In the film we had to watch, a Black man speaking to a white man said, “I won’t trust you until you’re as changed and affected by my experience as I am by yours.” I felt that deeply to my core. (12/12)

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