Thread by @delaneykingrox

Elden Ring: I hope you liķe loading screens.

Elden Ring feels like being bullied at school. Except for 80 bucks instead of your lunch money.

Elden Ring: here are very overly complicated menus to tell you the exact stats you have before everything two shots you.

Elden Ring be like "ahh, the tears of mumblegrund, you may charge six tears to one orb of yeeb at any torch of yara, if you have enough soul jam. On a tuesday."

Other games:

Buy health potion? Y/n

Elden Ring: you have a map of buttlefuck and may fast travel and have a spirit horse.

Me: but what am I doing?

Elden Ring: you are maidenless! You must... I dunno... something about a ring.

Me: yeah. This message says "butts r good"

Elden Ring: here are fifty sliders for your face that are designed by someone who didn't know what a face is. Everything makes you look weird.

Me (an actual character artist) WTF is this?

My character: kill meeeee

Elden Ring: behold the Fallen God of The Fifteen Dragons and their Nuclear Arse Fire

Me: for the love of god, I just finished the tutorial

Elden Ring: watch it insert fifty beholders up your anus

Me: I paid for this.

Elden Ring is gonna win tonnes of game design awards... but...

*whispers*

Difficulty and complexity does not equal good game design.

Elden Ring: behold, ghosts of other players and messages.

Me: can I just turn that all off? It's breaking my immersion.

Elden Ring: ButtFuck926 says "this is a door"

Me: oh for fuck sake.

Me: oh cool world, can I gather food and camp and other immersive stuff like shelter from the weather or repair my equi...

Elden Ring: NO, NOW BE BUTT FUCKED BY A NINETY FOOT BEAR.

Me: okay I run...

Elden Ring: MEET SIR BUTTFUCK, KNIGHT OF MURDERFUCKERY AND HIS GIANT AXE

Me:

Me: so who are these guys? Why am I killing them? Where am I? Where am I going?

Elden Ring: FUCKING DRAGON!

Me: this feels like my six year old designed this.

Elden Ring: so much great art. Gameplay like a dentist trip.

This isn't fun. This is a pretty ordeal.

There is a smugness to the few who master the exact positioning and timing to survive Souls games, you have this 'get gud' mentality which is purely elitist.
Given these amazing game assets you can craft an experience for players that is more than just that.

Elden Ring is like the dungeon master who thinks their job is to beat the players.

I think a lot of people score these games highly so they don't look like they utterly suck at them.

Have you played Elden Ring?

*sweats* y..yes... brilliant, awesome game. So good.

-yeah, so hard.

-pffft, pretty hard. But good.

-yeah, dunno what everyone is whining about.

-me either.. so easy. And good.

-yes. Very good.

-ahem.

Elden Ring fans are like those bros who buy really hot chilli products like "Devil Destroys your Digestive Tract" and boast about it.