Steven Dennis Profile picture
Apr 17 49 tweets 37 min read
Starting #SaturdayNightZillow with a CRAY CRAY compound on the water in Arizona. Guaranteed to blow your retinas! *Secret rooms. *Parking for 45. *Garage of the Gods. *Party showers.
All kinds of weird 7BR/9BA/7K sf $6.949M 🧵zillow.com/homedetails/36…
This bathroom should come with a warning. #SaturdayNightZillow
Just one of the party showers. But you might need Advil. #SaturdayNightZillow
What's behind the Secret Vault Door? #SaturdayNightZillow
Hmm. Wasn't expecting this. #SaturdayNightZillow
OK, so this is weird. But what bothers me is the TV placement. #SaturdayNightZillow
Jukebox? Check. Slot machines. Check. Arch windows? Yep. Enormous chandelier? Yep? Weird art? Yes, yes, yes! #SaturdayNightZillow
Something unexpected in almost every room. *Open-concept party shower.* #SundayNightZillow
Oh, hello there. Not sure what's going on here. #SaturdayNightZillow
This is a pretty cool compound. #SaturdayNightZillow
NEXT on #SaturdayNightZillow!❤️
"'Angels Attic' where newlyweds escape to after saying 'I do' at the on-site chapel. This romantic bungalow exudes eternal love from the moment you arrive with its church-like architecture and it's very own wedding bell!"
zillow.com/homes/310-Lise…?
A place designed for newlyweds, listed as a unique investment property. Just $365K. Florida. "The birds never stop singing and dancing around angels attic, while swooping down into the creek that runs below the back screened in porch..." #SaturdayNightZillow
We live in a world where this bathtub exists. In a $4.6M California home. #SaturdayNightZillow
zillow.com/homedetails/45…
Unique round home designed by a Frank Lloyd Wright apprentice. I like it. $975K in Columbus. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/51…
I like this. Reminds me of my parents' SCAN furniture. Nice bookcases. I'd rather have wood floors. #SaturdayNightZillow
This house was owned by the founder of MAX FACTOR, Maksymilian Faktorowicz. $1.4M. Craftsman. Los Angeles. Could use some updates. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/43…?
Max Factor basically invented modern cosmetics. My wife found this fun article on how he was the "Wizard of Makeup..." #SaturdayNightZillow culture.pl/en/article/max…
AFFORDABLE HOUSING ALERT. 2,348 sf Bank converted to a house. Still has the Vault door!

JUST $112K!!!!

Maybe you could retire right now! In Iowa.
#CheapZillow #SaturdayNightZillow
zillow.com/homedetails/11…?
$949K buys you a 7BR, 5BA Victorian in Bethlehem, PA. It has some surprises. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/26…?
Stove of the week. JL Mott. I think it's ornamental at this point, but super-cool. #SaturdayNightZillow
Nice kitchen. #SaturdayNightZillow
I've seen house with one Tardis/Orgasmatron/Star Trek Transporter shower. This one has two! #SaturdayNightZillow
PREPARE YOUR RETINAS.

This $1.25M Brooklyn home must have been owned by, like, a person who sold wallpaper in the 70s. It's overwhelming. #SaturdayNightZillow
zillow.com/homedetails/78…?
Lots of details if you zoom in on every room. I'll never be able to unsee this. And these are the tame rooms! #SaturdayNightZillow
This is one house I really could not live in. But I could see how it could be a certain kind of person's dream home. #SaturdayNightZillow
This room is the OMG room: MATCHING wallpaper/ceiling/bar inserts/LAMPSHADE/MIRROR WALL. You better *really* like this pattern. #SaturdayNightZillow
Time for a luxury waterfront log cabin. <$4M. Georgia. Some exquisite woodwork in here. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/43…?
Fabulous TV placement. But Pro Tip: Do NOT put a taxidermied bear rowing a boat over your TV. Just don't do it, OK? #SaturdayNightZillow
Nice kitchen. Could use a touch more counter space though for $4M! #SaturdayNightZillow
You could get pretty clean in here. #SaturdayNightZillow
Check out the woodwork on the pool table, the chairs, the bedframes, the wooden tub. #SaturdayNightZillow
Cool, sort of modern loft-style farmhouse on 5 beautiful acres in Tennessee. $1.05M. Recent price cut. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/45…?
I'm a sucker for weird sinks, purple couches and blond wood. #SaturdayNightZillow
Affordable, Quirky, Historic Staten Island salt box home, was owned by a poet and written up in the local papers. $479K. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/29…?
Not sure this bedroom would be easy to sleep in. But the house is quirky and super affordable for NY. Built circa 1848. #SaturdayNightZillow
This is an outdoor toilet at a $285K house in California that is UNDER CONTRACT! NO WORDS. Twentynine Palms on #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/46…?
Taxidermy Nightmare. $13.4M. Texas. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/23…?
What the hell is this? Never mind, I probably don't want to know. #SaturdayNightZillow
$800K buys you a big house with castle/sort of Popehome feel in Georgia. This bedroom! #SaturdayNightZillow
zillow.com/homes/4730-Mis…
Only a couple more houses tonight, but we're going to end with a bang I promise. As always most of the homes were found by my wife or my sister-in-law. #SaturdayNightZillow.
Money goes further in Morristown, Arizona. $995K gets you a 3,500 sf home with a fabulous kitchen, some nice features and gorgeous views. From above though kind of looks like a strip mall. #SaturdayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/26…?
Would much rather have wood floors than this polished concrete. The wood accents are nice. But surprised they kept the cross and the rower for staging the photo. #SaturdayNightZillow
Fitting home to end tonight: A "Balinese Architectural Treasure" 2 blocks from the beach in Santa Monica. $9.5M. It's *amazing.* #SaturdayNightZillow! zillow.com/homedetails/34…?
Just wonderful. "The moment you open the antique Monastery gate, you are transported to the ambrosial South Pacific with lush gardens and stone waterfalls. Solid teak throughout" ! #SaturdayNightZillow
Somebody actually wrote this sentence, and I guess this is how you earn your commission? "Warmth and modernism unite with Bentley leather-wrapped custom handles, terrazzo floors, and Basalt tile bathrooms."
This is a bathtub. It must literally weigh a ton. Note it also has a shower-head above, because why not when you are spending $9.5 million on a house? Safety bonus points for the railing on the stairs to get in. #SaturdayNightZillow
I could live here though. And I don't even know what Basalt tile or Bentley whatever is nor do I care.
Hope you enjoyed #SaturdayNightZillow!

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More from @StevenTDennis

Apr 15
Nobody seems to like my idea of transforming all the ocean plastic into a giant archipelago of floating white plastic islands to cool the Earth.
You just need a giant solar/wind/wave-powered ocean-filtering robot ship that also smelts plastic into giant white plastic islands. Could theoretically anchor them in places where Polar bears are losing habitat? Maybe with remade nooks for dens and so on.
Pretty sure I'm not the only person to have had this idea? Like that time I was all excited to think about digging a canal to Death Valley and filling it with water only to learn many people have suggested that previously. (I thought it would be cool to rename it Life Valley)
Read 5 tweets
Apr 11
This 3-story Penthouse overlooks Central Park.
Why do these places have open-air balconies?
#SundayNightZillow zillow.com/homedetails/15… ImageImageImageImage
This bedroom would be acceptable. #SundayNightZillow Image
This is where the Illuminati executive committee should meet. #SundayNightZillow Image
Read 4 tweets
Apr 9
So, I have this idea to remake a sitcom where a rich family with expensive tastes is forced to move in to a remote hotel and run it, and just found our set.

76BR, 80BA, ~38K sqft for just $2.35M!
Monticello, Indiana on #SaturdayNightZillow
zillow.com/homedetails/19…?
I am jealous of this sweet washer and dryer. #SaturdayNightZillow
Think of the weddings you could have in this sweet, 300-person banquet hall. The property has parking for 200 cars! #SaturdayNightZillow
Read 4 tweets
Apr 9
NEW: A new most expensive home in New York just dropped.

$175M for this?? Southampton. cc: @jeneps zillow.com/homedetails/So…
It's just a big beach house. I don't get it.
Fun fact: This house costs almost exactly 1,000 years of a United States Senator's salary. About 438 years for a U.S. president's salary. 24 million hours at minimum wage.

And that's assuming those salaries weren't taxed!
Read 4 tweets
Apr 9
FIRST on #FridayNightZillow, a cool house on 35 acres in Cortez, Colorado. Amazing 360-degree views near Anasazi ruins with 9 archeological sites included. Cool Kiva sitting area w/ladders, painted ceiling. Maybe this is your dream home? 4BR/4BA <$1.3M. zillow.com/homedetails/22…?
Interesting. Big windows. Don't watch Poltergeist while living here. #FridayNightZillow
Read 44 tweets
Apr 9
Dealing with a Chipotle delivery fail ahead of #FridayNightZillow. Their “Pepper” AI customer service rep could use some work.
We got somebody else’s burrito bowls. Some family that asked for extra sour cream. (Yuck)
You’ve got to be kidding me. Who are you maniacs?
Read 4 tweets

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