Crab Man Profile picture
Apr 21, 2022 93 tweets 25 min read Read on X
i hope it keeps crashing today
"Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her 96th birthday on Thursday 👑" twitter.com/i/events/15142…
"Billionaire investor Bill Ackman pulls $1.1 billion out of Netflix after losing $400 million when share price cratered 35% following exodus of 200,000 customers: HBO GAINED three million subscribers" dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1…
“What made him lose his edge?”

I THINK IT WAS THE WOKENESS
"Tractor-trailer overturns on NC highway carrying 80 cattle, 10 are on the loose" foxnews.com/us/tractor-tra…
TUNE IN
J. Depp is napping
"You've done cocaine with Paul Bettany?"

Wew
People are horny in the chat for the one in the green
Paul Bettany recommended doing a drowning test on Amber Heard to see if she's a witch
More texts
(another screenshot)
(Depp is Steve in this convo with Amber Heard)
More texts
🚨🚨🚨🚨$46.5 BILLION now, being offered by Elon Musk for Twitter
(More Depp texts)
(Jerry Judge and Depp, April 2015)
"WOULD YOU AGREE THAT'S AN ILLEGAL COPY OF KEITH RICHARDS ROBBED BLIND"
^^ Today is actually pretty entertaining because Johnny Depp is able to withstand scrutiny
More texts
Four giant bags of pot
Trial is back from break
Another email
🍻🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳CNN+ IS DEAD
"Warner Bros. Discovery Expected To Shut Down CNN+" variety.com/2022/tv/news/c…
Johnny Depp passed out with ice cream on his lap
And there it is
Johnny Depp's sleepy ice cream incident
"There is blood and animal tracks everywhere."
More texts
More texts
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" -- Johnny Depp
More text
"Florida House votes in favor to strip Disney's self-government." -- via twitter.com/disclosetv/
"Meta’s Sheryl Sandberg Pressured Daily Mail to Drop Bobby Kotick Reporting" wsj.com/articles/sandb…
"How the Obamas Took Spotify for a Ride" freebeacon.com/media/how-the-…
(catching up w/ trial)
can't be helped :^) newsweek.com/chris-wallaces…
"Mike Tyson Repeatedly Punches Man In Face On Plane, Bloodies Passenger" tmz.com/2022/04/21/mik…
Green shirt girl call me
arguments over the date/timestamps of the text messages
God speed, sir
In which a lawyer argues with Johnny Depp about drawing a penis
"STARRING BILLY BOB AND EASY AMBER"
no clue what that even is
woof
"yo Pimp"
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨ARGUMENT between Amber Heard lawyer and Johnny Depp!!
"DON'T tell your side or I'll show them MY SIDE."
more texts
more text
More texts from the Depp trial (and the last im doing about the trial because i have ADHD and too bored to continue)
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨"Several very large food processing plants in the US have blown up/burned down in the past few days"
👀👀👀👀
ICYMI: "Trudeau admits that high population growth with immigration is partly responsible for the exploding price of housing."
Will Smith might've been in a bad marriage
ok that was moderately worth it
thanks Obama, for revealing yourself to be as bad as Hillary in terms of post-office shenanigans cnn.com/videos/busines…
(Disinformation is a loaded term that came around because Trump said "fake news" about mainstream media in 2016. The establishment spun it around and injected some Russia hysteria in order to create "disinformation" as a phrase.)
DEATH ROW EXECUTION STOPPED but will come again soon
glad i added that to today's thread
"Karl Rove explains the causes of historic inflation under the Biden administration" foxnews.com/media/karl-rov…
Protesters did NOT protest Disney, they were protesting black Floridians. I blame quoting @disclosetv and taking them at their word.

Please forgive me daddy @Timcast

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More from @crabcrawler1

Mar 8, 2023
Road Trip (2000)
> Tom Green
I don't know what else to say. But Todd would go on to make The Joker.

Yes.
Read 65 tweets
Mar 6, 2023
Hey @Timcast

spellcheck
*Tim tries typing in the YouTube video title while SIX separate people jerk him off, simultaneously*
“Oh TIM you made a typo in your YouTube title but you’re still SO RIGHT”
Read 4 tweets
Mar 6, 2023
EuroTrip (2004)
Brad Pitt owed someone a favor
^^ I never knew. But yes it's one of those movies.
Read 28 tweets
Mar 5, 2023
That Thing You Do! (1996) Image
people told me this movie was gonna be wholesome?

I didn't expect it! but yeah! got that vibe! Image
People have mixed feelings towards Liv Tyler

but yeah i get it Image
Read 39 tweets

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