John Bull Profile picture
Apr 26 9 tweets 2 min read
ZOMG

The start of a reluctant truce, hopefully.
Napoleon is in the foreground.

Max (#notMyCat) has very much missed his sofa jumper, and is doing his best to ignore the yowling behind him, which is a serious concession on his part.
Max has clearly had a long day and is 100% prepared to tolerate Napoleon's presence here if he will shut up for a bit and let Max jumper snooze.

Problem is Napoleon isn't very good at shutting up.

It's his dinner time though so gonna feed him upstairs away from Max.
Max is in full on "I'm too old for this shit" mode rn.

And Napoleon is full teenager.
"I just want to snooooze. Why you gotta be yowling."
I've persuaded Napoleon to join me upstairs for scritches and duvet snuggles, and to let Max have some quiet time on his jumper.
We are now snoozing, but have made it VERY clear that I'm not allowed to move my hand or leave the room.

So I think I might be stuck here until Becks gets back.
The important thing is right now there are two kitties snoozing in this house in full knowledge of the other one's presence.

That's a HUGE step forward.
I know this because I can just about see Max on cat cam.

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More from @garius

Apr 27
Many, many years ago the head of a government department confidently told me I couldn't get enough personal data/insight to hack his work account.

I did it in 10mins, with him watching from the other side of the desk, just by calling the Apollo Video nearest his house.
(It was part of a pen test. So I was authorised to do this. He was amazed/horrified)
Frankly, I could have done it in under 5min if I hadn't got the wrong Apollo Video first time (it was a 50/50 between two).
Read 8 tweets
Apr 22
BOJO: Over by the JCB?
PHOTOGRAPHER: Yes please
BOJO: Like this? I can... oh for... COLUMBO! I can see you. Come out.
COLUMBO: Don't mind me, sir
BOJO: Columbo, I spoke to your Chief. No more fines until May!
COLUMBO: Yes sir
BOJO:
COLUMBO: Didn't say I couldn't investigate, sir.
COLUMBO: I get the feeling we've gotten off on the wrong foot, Mr Johnson. That's my fault and I do apologise.
BOJO: It's fine, leftenant, but you have to understand I'm a very busy man.
COLUMBO: Oh I know sir, with the country and the books. My wife, Mrs Columbo, HUGE fan, sir.
BOJO: Is she?
COLUMBO: Oh yes. Mrs Columbo? Loves your novels Mr Johnson. She buys them all.
BOJO: History books, Columbo.
COLUMBO: Sorry sir?
BOJO: I write history books, leftenant. Not novels.
Read 12 tweets
Apr 21
Worth noting that Blackford just called Johnson a liar, and DIDN'T get sanctioned by the speaker for it.

Fuckin ell.
I really, really can't emphasise how HUGE a moment that is.
I know. That doesn't stop this being huge.

The fact that we had to reach this point is insane.
Read 14 tweets
Apr 21
<A plane to India>

BOJO: We offer visas, ask for nothing, and I claim success?
AIDE: Yes
BOJO: Good so-

<loud crash>

COLUMBO: Sorry sir! That was me. Why this jet really is something
BOJO: Leftenant, how did you get on this plane?!
COLUMBO: I just have a few more questions sir
BOJO: Leftenant, you didn't answer my question. Who let you on the plane?
COLUMBO: Oh an aide did sir.
BOJO: Did they? I'll need to talk to them.
COLUMBO: Anyway, about my question sir.
BOJO: Is it about the parties, leftenant? I've already explained all that
COLUMBO: Oh I know sir. You said that they weren't parties.
BOJO: Exactly
COLUMBO: I wrote it down here somewhere, let me find it...
BOJO: Leftenant, this is a very important trade trip. I'm rather busy.
COLUMBO: I know sir. I won't keep you a minute. I have it here somewhere.
Read 22 tweets
Apr 20
First ep?

Tom Hanks stars as a legendary fantasy author. When a streaming platform offers to buy his latest hit for millions, he has one problem: It was ghost written by a fanfic author, and she wants her fair share of the money or she's telling the world...
Second episode is (essentially) a rework of "The Most Crucial Game" but with Sandra Bullock as the murderous American Football Team boss.
Third Columbo reboot episode is Michael Sheen as a British Diplomat in LA who murders a diner owner.

Turns out the diner owner is a former junior KGB officer who recognised Sheen as a former Soviet asset.
Read 20 tweets
Apr 20
If someone Ko-Fi's me £1000 I will write you a whole Columbo script where he's the police officer investigating Boris Johnson for Partygate.

BOJO: And you are?
COLUMBO: Colombo, sir. I'm here about the parties.
BOJO: There were no parties, Lieutenant
COLUMBO: So you said, sir...
BOJO: I'm a very busy man, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Oh I get that sir. I'll just ask a few questions. It's mostly a formality.
BOJO: Good. Well as I told your chief, there were no parties. Just some work drinks.
COLUMBO: Work drinks sir?
BOJO: Work drinks.
COLUMBO: With cake?
BOJO: Yes. With cake.
COLUMBO: Oh I see sir. Work drinks with cake.
BOJO: You look troubled, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Oh no, sir. Did I? I didn't mean to? It's just-
BOJO: Ask away
COLUMBO: Well cake is just something I don't get a lot at work.
BOJO: Happens all the time, Lieutenant.
Read 9 tweets

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