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Apr 28 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
we'll have to get used to it
but we will #httc
fair warning to my newer followers, i freaking love this stupid team and throughout the season i will frequently comment on them both for when they win and also when they inevitably screw up and lose.
me, at the end of another non-playoff season: i hate this team, i hate them, all they do is hurt my soul

me, from the draft to season kickoff: i feel it, this is the year, playoffs baby
in conclusion: dallas sucks.

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More from @owillis

Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 30
At 6 feet tall I know I’m above average height (although I never feel like a tall person), but I have to ask: Are men okay? buzzfeednews.com/article/elamin…
I’m the second tallest in my family. My younger cousin, Akil, is the tallest one. My family is actually pretty short and I was considerably taller than both of my parents. My maternal Grandpa was *very* short but the most macho man ever. Image
Teenage me, towering over my Mom and Grandpa Image
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 29
next time i cant find my phone im blaming the "woke left"
the woke left is hiding my phone and they even hid my tv remote from me, the green new deal is why i can't find my right sneaker, arghhhhh i hate the libs
this traffic jam is because of the woke mob. i bet this car wont turn when the light is green because of gender pronouns. this other car is moving too slow because bidennnnnnnnnnnn
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 28
it always gets worse.

"Coming off her book leave, Maggie Haberman is stepping into a wide-ranging role as a senior political correspondent" nytco.com/press/politics…
lol i mean, lol Image
Image
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 28
first rule of zoom call in my house: if i am on a work zoom call, kal-el will find the squeaky toy and bring it to the office. and squeeze it. a lot.
Here's what he's doing now that the zoom call is over. Suddenly the squeaky toy isn't VERY IMPORTANT anymore. Image
you: people read too many emotions into what animals do

me: MY DOG INTENTIONALLY DISRUPTS MY ZOOM CALLS, HE KNOWS IM ON THE ZOOM AND TRIES TO GASLIGHT ME, AND THEN WHEN I HANG UP HE'S FINE. IM SERIOUS PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 28
the handwringing over debt forgiveness frankly sounds pathetic and stupid. i just can't. and i dont mean from the republicans. i expect that. jesus h.
for a political movement that voted in the millions for "yes we can" there are way too many liberals - regular people i mean, not elected officials - who really love saying "actually we can't." and then wonder why people are jaded about voting.
the counterarguments from liberals/democrats are *just so bad* its hard to not laugh at them on the same level i would laugh at something from marjorie taylor greene or matt gaetz. theyre that bad.
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Apr 26
sorry to single michael out but i just assume this is what you guys eat for lunch every day up at the cabin.
before the gender reveal you have a single unseasoned chicken breast, then you make sure yo dont wash your legs or use any lotion and then its off to awkward dances with your kids britney and laykynn. the cabin.
at this point i should make a whole pitch about the cabin as a horror movie premise to jordan peele.

voiceover: "you ever notice how white people have cabins? like, all over the country? what are they doing up there?"
Read 7 tweets

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