Thread by @AmandaLSmythers

In Jan 2020, 5 months in to my PhD program, I had an abortion. I lucked out that there weren’t protesters at planned parenthood that day. I cried myself to sleep that night and took a cume the following morning. I didn’t pass it. 1/7

It was a tough decision for me. I’d been married almost 8 y at the time & have the most wonderful daughter. But I was less than 8 weeks along and already vomiting everyday. I was already struggling to afford daycare costs. I didn’t see a way forward. 2/7

Maybe I could have made it work, but I know I couldn’t have preformed at the level I’ve preformed my PhD thus far. Not to mention the challenge of child care in a COVID world. And what about my other child? The opportunities I could give her would be markedly less. 3/7

People rightfully give sympathy to women who choose abortion due to medical reasons. That wasn’t me. I was faced with the reality of my economic class & career aspirations. If love was currency, I could have given it in excess… but that’s not the case. 4/7

If stripped of my right to choose, I don’t know if I would still be in my program now. I certainly wouldn’t have the funding or >dozen papers that I have under my belt, or the time to volunteer & give back to my community. My ability to succeed would be compromised. 5/7

Reversing Roe vs Wade will be detrimental to women’s health and women’s opportunities. It will harm children whose parents are already struggling. It will disproportionately affect those without means to travel across state lines. It is cruel & theocratic in nature. 6/7

I hope scientists will take the lead in denouncing the soon to be state laws.

This is a huge step back for the United States. It’s shameful. It hurts. /end

I want to thank the many ppl who voiced support for me in the last couple days. I make no apologies for my choice & certainly did not feel like I need to justify it to Twitter at large. However, I think this was important to share for 3 reasons:
1/

1st, I think it’s important for ppl to hear stories to generate empathy. I’m not a typical story used to pull at heartstrings- at the same time, I don’t match the description ppl usually use to vilify women. I love kids & babies & being a mom. I also love my job and am…2/

passionate about my work. Both of these came into play when making my decision. I also wanted to underscore that this wasn’t a trivial decision. In fact, I would guess it rarely is. After the procedure in Planned Parenthood you sit in a waiting room that has notebooks…3/

other women have written in after their procedures - the accounts I read did not make light of this action either. The abortion debate is incredibly polarizing- I hope my story has helped someone out there understand a little more where some women are coming from. 4/

2nd- it is hard for me to see parts of the country celebrating women being stripped of fundamental rights. I hope my story helped show some solidarity with those that are also struggling (as I am), regardless if they feel comfortable sharing their own experience.
5/

3rd- as a scientist, I wanted to emphasize how big of an issue this is/will be for trainees. The level people expect STEM trainees to perform is frankly incompatible with the realities of having a family- particularly the familial expectations of women. 6/

I am active in outreach, training/recruiting, mentoring, teaching… plus my required writing and research. Yet I am also on the PTA, arranging play dates and child care, going to soccer practices, parent teacher conferences… the list goes on. It’s exhausting. 7/

I know that to succeed in academia I have to be able to go to conferences and network- with children, this is a challenge. Not to mention that childcare was >2/3 my salary as a grad student, my health insurance doesn’t pay for dependents, and it is unclear… 8/

if my dept pays for maternity leave. The system is not made for someone like me who wants to have both a family and a successful career. I am doing the best I can with what I have available to me. Every woman should be given that right. 9/

Thank you again for those who sent messages voicing support. I hope you will follow me by not indulging those who have written hurtful comments. We should save our energy for acting with our votes and with our wallet where we can. #SupportWomen #standwithPP /end