Thread by @QuinnyPig

I've been in this industry for decades, I have a massive chip on my shoulder, and I lack the energy to care about anything anymore.

Oh, and I'm your next interview candidate. You will Remember® this interview. I will *NOT* be the most uncomfortable person here. Let's begin.

https://twitter.com/97114171/status/1522694291117596673

“How do you prevent a ‘finally’ block from executing in Java?”

I rip the goddamned power cable out the back of the computer.
#MemorableInterview

"Would you rather fight one horse sized duck or one hundred duck sized horses?"

#MemorableInterview

"Tell me about the project you worked on that you are most proud of. What did you contribute to it?"

I filed a whistleblower complaint that got the company shut down. #MemorableInterview

"What's the worst bug you've ever shipped to production?"
I turned the Data Warehouse into the Data 'Where?' house.

"What did you do about it afterwards?"
I always update my résumé before starting a risky deploy. #MemorableInterview

“Tell me about a time you helped someone at work.”

One time I had a difference of opinion with my boss, so I applied for another job under their name.

They're a VP at Google now. #MemorableInterview

"Why do you want to work for us and not <competitor>?"

Holy SHIT <competitor> is hiring?! I had no idea! Later, losers. #MemorableInterview

"What is the latest version of the NPM package Foo, and when was it released?"

...look, I gotta ask you: are there windows in your house? Because the fact that you even ask other human beings that question scares the shit out of me. #MemorableInterview

"I ask you to move a mountain. What do you do?"

Wonder what the hell you think it is I do exactly, for starters. That'll be followed by wondering what the hell it is that you do that keeps you employable with questions like that. #MemorableInterview

"Name a Linux command."

That question makes me want to faceplant my keyboard. Statistically that will be a correct answer. #MemorableInterview

"What does @awscloud Service X do?"

It's a database that runs containers.

"That's not--"

I would advise you to be very cautious with how you end that sentence. #MemorableInterview

"What's your homelab?"

I'm smart enough to make my employer pay for my professional development and experimentation, but please, do go on and tell me what yours looks like. #MemorableInterview

“Which part of the agile manifest resonates with you the most?”

I firmly believe that if you're going to join a religious cult, you should get in early enough to be someone of influence within their leadership. #MemorableInterview

"What does diversity mean to you?"

Given that all four of my interviewers here so far have been varying flavors of white dude, apparently something radically different than it means to you. #MemorableInterview

"How would you solve this kind of outage?"

You mean the same kind of outage Twitter tells me you folks are currently experiencing? I'd start with a deep understanding of the difference between interviewing and consulting. #MemorableInterview

"Why are manholes round?"

Because you don't want to get scraped on sharp corners when I stuff your unconscious body down one after asking me a question that insipid. #MemorableInterview

"How would you diagnose <weird problem>?"

I'd get out of your way and let you brag about a war story you're super proud of, since I know that my way would both a) be effective, and b) be disqualified since it isn't how you solved it. #MemorableInterview

"If I asked your former colleagues about your biggest weakness, what would they tell me it was?"

They'd look shit-scared and change the subject immediately. I am gone, but never forgotten. #MemorableInterview

"Tell me about a time when you were responsible for guiding someone with less experience than you through a technology you knew nothing about for a feature release."

First, let me congratulate you on asking a question that's highly germane to the job. #MemorableInterview

"What's your current compensation?"

Much like the affair I'm having with your partner while you're concocting genius interview questions like this one, it's absolutely none of your business. #MemorableInterview

“What’s the difference between an Engineer and a Senior Engineer?”

Either a few tens of thousands of dollars, or a free-to-you title enhancement. #MemorableInterview

"Do you have a CISSP?"

LinkedIn tells me that you have a lot of them here; almost as many as you've had data breaches. #MemorableInterview

"Why are you looking for a new job?"

Looking at what salaries in this field have done over the past three years, I have to ask why you aren't. #MemorableInterview

"It looks like you have a bunch of short stints on your résumé, what's up with that?"

Probably something very close to why LinkedIn shows that your org has something like 130% turnover over the last twelve months. #MemorableInterview

"Without using any existing observability tools, how would you find the cause of an outage?"

...you said no tools, but I have bad news about your existing 'axes in a dark basement' approach. #MemorableInterview

"Can you give me an example of a time you had to collaborate with someone you intensely disliked?"

The most recent example would be me not walking out of this interview yet. #MemorableInterview

"What happens when you type www dot google dot com into a web browser and hit enter?"

I invariably regret it immediately, whilst Google shoves a whole mess of tracking technology at me. #MemorableInterview

"Can you implement FizzBuzz on the whiteboard?"

If I did it would be the closest your company has gotten to shipping anything that actually solves a problem in at least fourteen months. #MemorableInterview

"What 'common wisdom' is generally incorrect?"

Apparently that old saw about there not being any such thing as a dumb question. #MemorableInterview

"How do you feel about a heavy on-call rotation?"

I basically ignore the pager, the same way you apparently ignored the need to staff multiple shifts for a service that you claim is so very critical. #MemorableInterview

"Solve this algorithm question on the whiteboard without using the standard library."

Avoiding the standard library as a requirement explains an awful lot about your company's product quality.

#MemorableInterview

"Sell me this pen."

You seem like the kind of person who sees the data universe expanding and tries to keep up with it without computers; wanna buy a pen? #MemorableInterview

"Who's your favorite superhero?"
Darth Vader.

"I don't think he was a hero."
If you can end a meeting by choking another person to death over Zoom / Teams / Chime / Meet, there's no other word that fits.

#MemorableInterview

"If we hire you, what will your first 90 days here look like?"

After I get that pesky seventh seal loose, radically different. #MemorableInterview

"How do you reduce power imbalances?"

As a recent example, I did some horse-trading with your boss. This interview determines both whether you offer me a job and keep your own. #MemorableInterview

"What's your greatest weakness in the workplace?"

My unwillingness to undermine my own narrative to placate an interviewer who lacks any f*cking clue what they're doing. #MemorableInterview

"What's your greatest strength."

I do not filter my opinions.

"I'm not sure that's a strength."

I'm pretty sure you're not on the good side of the stack-ranking curve here. #MemorableInterview

"Do you have any questions for me?"

If you offered me a role, and I accepted it, what would make me regret it the most? #MemorableInterview