Thread by @tompeck

Day Three Here. Day Four Coming…

https://twitter.com/tompeck/status/1524786757052530691

Morning! Just got so spooked by Coleen coming through the security scanners after me that I spilt a quid out my tray and through the conveyor belt rollers, and she ensured I got it back. Legend.

Rebekah Vardy has arrived. She is wearing a black blazer, a white shirt buttoned all the way up, an outfit that is essentially a glam version of a barrister’s court dress. The hair, too has got more than a nod to a barrister’s wig. It’s like she’s gone full John Terry.

Vardy is being re-examined by her own team, so not many fireworks expected this morning.

Her barrister Hugh Tomlinson begins: “I don’t know if her ladyship will be familiar but is there a difference between the way stories and posts are displayed on Instagram?”

What a world.

“My ladyship may we open our case and call our first witness, Coleen Rooney.”

Coleen Rooney has sworn by almighty god to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

#herewego

“I don’t want to be in this court today, I don’t want to be here. Mrs Vardy has brought me here.”

Rooney’s also denied that she’s ever been paid to promote products on social media.

Vardy’s barrister is arguing that, as Rooney says she was wrong to trust Rebekah Vardy, she should concede that Vardy was equally wrong to trust her agent, Caroline Watt, who is not so much as being thrown under the bus here as tossed into that black hole they found yesterday.

(I was just struggling to get that previous post down to under the 280 character limit and seem to have missed something about a pyjama deal with matalan. Apologies.)

Just generally speaking, high profile trials tend to be because someone high profile has done something terrible and is going to get their just deserts. Coleen Rooney, who is the defendant, would expect to get a rougher ride than this on Loose Women.

We’re on lunch. Arguably the most/only interesting aspect thus far was Coleen Rooney talking about how much she hated life in America. She was quite unlucky when Wayne went to DC United, rather than say Miami, New York or LA. Only so many times you can go round the Smithsonian.

Wayne Rooney’s on his way back in to the court room. He’s had to do a couple of selfies, including one with a fairly elderly chap in a Liverpool FC Champions League tracksuit who appears to be connected to some other case elsewhere in the building.

Vardy’s barrister is seeking to establish that Rooney’s private Instagram may not be as private as she claims. There was, we learn, an incident where Peter Crouch’s wife Abbey Clancy shared one of her posts to her own followers (and subsequently apologised). More as we get it.

The below currently being passed between Rooney’s legal team with great excitement, as though it were a crucial legal note.

https://twitter.com/MarinaHyde/status/1525099409624686593?s=20&t=8elVpOX705snmLJY7d15eg

Rooney is talking about “Dawn and Leanne, who I’ve known since I was eighteen.”

All I’ll say is that if I had full control of the remote in my house I would not know who those people were.

And that’s the lot for today. One has to concede Coleen is a bit less box office than Rebekah, primarily on account of her not having accidentally shared thousands and thousands of devastating whatsapps with her opponents’ legal team.

Day Four. Enter Coleen Rooney. Not so long ago, Mrs Justice Steyn had Guantanamo Bay to worry about. Now her ladyship must ponder such impossible questions as, how private is a private Instagram account, when Peter Crouch’s wife can accidentally share it?

independent.co.uk/voices/coleen-…