Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello and welcome! It’s another episode of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. There are several reasons that can bring out lingering emotions in past relationships; I’ll highlight 3. (a) The first is the way you broke up with your ex. Messy break-ups often leave people with long-lasting scars. #MrMrsBetterHalf

3. Now while a dating relationship doesn’t have to lead to marriage, if you break up do your utmost to leave as healthily as possible. #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. If you are single and you’re in the middle of or just had a bad break-up, I encourage you to try and have a discussion with your ex not necessarily for reconciliation but for civility and closure to the relationship. It’s even possible to part as friends. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. However, sometimes there is no way to end a relationship amicably. For instance, in the case of an abusive relationship or one where your partner was always cheating on you or hurting you, the need to part as friends might not be necessary or feasible. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. That said, regardless of the circumstance or whether or not you can resolve things with your ex, you must resolve things within yourself. Don’t plague yourself with what-ifs and continuously rehashing the wrong that was done to you. #mrmrsbetterhalf

6. Let some people nurse pain too long. Self-pity is not a good bedfellow. Make conscious efforts to heal your heart and your emotions. Deal with the pain of the past or else you will carry that baggage into the future. Again, let that hurt go. #mrmrsbetterhalf

7. ‘Hurt people hurt people and most of the time they hurt themselves the most. The fact that you still crave the companionship of this person that hurt you shows that you are in an emotionally unhealthy and possibly self-destructive place. #mrmrsbetterhalf

8. The same applies if you are now married. Ideally, the need for an actual confrontation with your ex for closure should be unnecessary since you are now married and should be secure in the love of your spouse. #mrmrsbetterhalf

9. However, we know this is not always the case. I strongly suggest you seek counsel so that a third party can help you sort through these emotions and help you overcome this pain, forgive your ex and move on.
#mrmrsbetterhalf

10. If you feel the need to have a face-to-face or any kind of conversation with your ex, ensure you involve your spouse. These are emotional issues. You don’t want your spouse finding out that you’ve been associating with an ex behind his or her back. #mrmrsbetterhalf

11. Most importantly, pray about it. Ask God to heal your heart and give you the strength to forgive your ex. Refuse to be in emotional bondage to this ex. You must get to the point where you want to be free of the lingering emotions. #mrmrsbetterhalf

12. (b) The next issue is that whatever feelings you had for your ex still persist. Now note that these feelings might actually not be genuine but could just be an offshoot of how you broke up and feeling like there was no closure. #mrmrsbetterhalf

13. Perhaps you didn't want the break-up but your partner ended the relationship abruptly. So, you were still in love but he or she had moved on. Cases of unrequited love are very painful because you carry feelings of rejection.

14. That said; please understand that it is not fun being in love alone. Some people say, ‘I have enough love for the 2 of us’ - that’s delusional. Your love alone cannot sustain a relationship and you’re setting yourself up for unhappiness. #mrmrsbetterhalf

15. If somebody broke up with you because he or she didn’t love you enough then let the relationship go. Yes, it hurts, but you are better off without that person than trying to force what will not work. #mrmrsbetterhalf

16. While it’s understandable that your feelings might be strong, you are not in captivity. You can overcome those feelings. Grieve a little (and I do mean a little) and move on. Allow time to help your healing and put that person behind you. #mrmrsbetterhalf

17. Also, don’t engage in self-sabotage. e.g. comparing your ex with your spouse and telling yourself that your ex was more romantic, sweeter, kinder, better looking, had more chemistry, etc. than you have with your spouse. Stop this silliness. #mrmrsbetterhalf

18. Remove the rose-coloured glasses. Your ex was not perfect and he or she was not for you or else you would be together! Stop deifying him or her. If it helps, remind yourself of his or her faults so that you can humanize him or her. #mrmrsbetterhalf

19. Jolt yourself out of that unproductive dream. The grass always seems greener on the other side. It rarely is. Concentrate on watering your own grass and you will find that your relationship could be all you need and more. #mrmrsbetterha;f

20. (c) This brings me to the 3rd point. It is possible that at the time you got married you were on the rebound. Sometimes people think that the best way to get over a break-up is to get into a new relationship.
#mrmrsbetterhalf

21. That advice can sometimes backfire particularly when you are not doing anything to get rid of the old pain. Don’t use a new relationship to cover up pain or loneliness. Heal before you deal. #mrmrsbetterhalf

22. The temptation to take love wherever it's being offered is a strong one. You are just looking for anything to dull the pain of your bad break-up. But dulling the pain can only last for a while. The novelty of the new relationship will wear off. #mrmrsbetterhalf

23. When your eyes are clouded with pain, how will you look out for the right things in the next relationship? You might just be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I sincerely hope that isn’t the case for the person in this situation. #mrmrsbetterhalf

24. If it is, however, what do you do when you are facing a case of buyer’s remorse? i.e. You find out that you don’t want what you thought you wanted? So you regret choosing the husband or wife that you now have. #mrmrsbetterhalf

25. If you feel this way, please don’t make any sudden movements. Don't call for a separation or file for a divorce. The reason is that you are still too encumbered by the feelings of your past to accurately appreciate or evaluate your current situation.#mrmrsbetterhalf

26. Could it be that your spouse is fantastic but you don’t even realize it? Please focus on your marriage. That’s really what’s important and at stake. Understand that your spouse became ‘the one’ the moment you said ‘I do’. #mrmrsbetterhalf

27. S/he doesn’t deserve to be cheated on whether physically or emotionally. If you are single and have experienced a bad break-up, please don’t be content to be the victim. Prioritize recovery. #mrmrsbetterhalf

28. If you meet someone while you’re recovering, chances are you’ll enter the relationship wiser and more receptive to love. The bottom line is that we must know when to walk away from past relationships and leave the pain they caused behind. #mrmrsbetterhalf

29. Your past does not define you. Submit it to God, learn from it and let Him use it to craft you a glorious future. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week to address another issue. #mrmrsbetterhalf

30. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! Feel free to check out amarecourse.com for relationship courses for couples and intending couples. #mrmrsbetterhalf