Thread by @annaofaza

Based on @PeaceLilies' Barnaby hc #taibani 🧵

Contrary to his overwhelming popularity and occasionally skirting on the edge of pornographic photoshoots ("It's body positive," Agnes sniffs), Barnaby has never had sex.

In his list of priorities, it wasn't even on his top ten. Or even in his top twenty, to be honest. He simply had one mission in life—and damned if something got in the way.

But his quest had cooled, and in the ashes, he found a new lease in life: saving people, tending to his ever growing plant collection, learning to have bonds with people.

The team made it easy: drinks, dinner, even a memorable bocce ball tournament that left Bison weeping and Nathan almost setting the place on fire.

And Tetsuko? Nothing was easier.

Until Tetsuko invited him to spend the weekend with him and Kaede.

"I'm trying to start a family tradition," he told Barnaby. "Tomoe always wanted to take a road trip in the summer. Come along; Kaede would be thrilled!"

Barnaby had gone, spending the whole day in the sun,

swimming in the crystal blue waves, building an elaborate sandcastle, and sharing drinks with tiny umbrellas. It was when Kaede started yawning that Tetsuko called it a night, escorting them all back to the motel.

Kaede shuffled in with nary a protest, and Tetsuko smiled, turning to Barnaby with his hand still on the door. "Thanks for joining us. It's good to have you here."

"Thank you for inviting me," Barnaby said. "But who knew sand could get into so many places?"

Tetsuko laughed. "Too much gristle where it shouldn't be?" He slapped Barnaby on the back playfully, and his gaze softened. "Seriously. Thank you for being here." His lips parted, then shut, and Barnaby felt a curious wave of disappoinment. "Night, Bunny. Don't miss breakfast!"

When they emerged for coffee and too many varieties of sugary cereal, Tetsuko cleared his throat. "So. When we get back to the city, do you want to unwind? Get some drinks? If you want?"

Barnaby nearly dropped his spoon. "Yes," he said simply.

One night turned into another, then another, until it became a routine.

It was then Barnaby started to worry.

Their first kiss had been tender, lingering, tasting of curry, in the hallway of Barnaby's place. But he'd increasingly noticed a hunger to them, the latest feeling like his feet were stuck to the floor.

Tetsuko wouldn't laugh, he knew. That wasn't what he was worried about. In all things, Barnaby simply didn't want to be a fool—hell, he'd only served Tetsuko his fried rice after he'd perfected his recipe. It had been "heaven," Tetsuko sighed, and Barnaby wanted that level.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as if he could practice on his own—thus, Barnaby turned to research.

He didn't want to involve the team, who gossiped like a pack of teenagers (to be fair, some actually were). Sky High would be too encouraging, Nathan would probably give tips—and Barnaby shut that down before the thought could go further.

"Bunny? You okay?"

Barnaby quickly took a swig of the horribly sugary but addicting energy drink Tetsuko got him on. "Yes, yes, just tired."

Tetsuko paused in the middle of the sidewalk. "Do you want to head back? Get some takeout instead?"

"A night in sounds good," Barnaby said. He felt too twitchy for mini golf, anyway. "Tacos sound good?"

"Uh, always! I know a cart..."

They ended up getting a truly massive bag (with extra nachos thrown in) and retiring to Tetsuko's place, putting on an old superhero movie and lounging on the beat up couch.

As the credits rolled, Tetsuko stretched, arching his back like his namesake. "It's pretty late."

"I should get going, then," Barnaby said, leaning in. They shared a long good night kiss, Tetsuko cradling his cheek before pulling away.

"You can stay the night, you know."

"I..." Barnaby hesitated. "I don't want to inconvenience—"

"There's no inconvenience! If you want, you don't have to... you could sleep on the couch. Or I could, since you're the guest."

Tetsuko's flustering made Barnaby smile. "Isn't it bad for your back, old man?"

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm not in that cracking bones stage! I can even sleep on the floor." Tetsuko paused. "Maybe."

Barnaby rolled his eyes. "You can't even sit in the office chair without complaining about your back."

"Hey, Agnes got you the nice cushiony one with lumbar support! That's just not fair!"

"You could ask..."

"Aw, and have Llyods threaten to take it out of my salary?"

"He wouldn't—"

"He did yesterday!"

"Because you broke your desk drawer after trying to find your energy bars."

"Hey, energy is important! It's not my fault the vending machine doesn't have the ones with chocolate chips."

"Probably because you eat close to ten every day."

"I do not!"

"You did today. I even see a smear right here." Barnaby poked the corner of his lip.

Kotetsu's tongue flicks out instinctively, then grazes Barnaby's finger ever so slightly. Barnaby holds back a shiver as Kotetsu's moves closer, couch cushion dipping underneath them.

"Are you complaining?" Kotetsu breathes.

Barnaby draws his finger to caress Kotetsu's lower lip. "You shouldn't be so sloppy."

"Sloppy?" Warmth engulfs his mouth, teasing and sure, as a hand winds into Barnaby's hair, the other clasping his knee. Barnaby gasps, pulls in closer.

His limbs feel both slack and electric, hands clumsy as he places them on Kotetsu's chest, his suspender straps crooked and wrinkled. Kotetsu groans as Barnaby idly traces, moving closer to his hips, the small of his back, fabric parting, feeling the heat of bare skin.

"Bunny," Kotetsu sighs, hands sliding underneath Barnaby's jacket, tracing the waistband of his jeans. "Bunny, I..."

(head desk) KOTETSU. Serves me right for writing this at work.

At the touch, Barnaby pulls back.

Kotetsu immediately slides back on the couch. "Whoa! You okay, Bunny?"

"I just..." Barnaby tries to control the thumping in his heart. "I don't..."

Kotetsu's expression is suddenly serious. "If you don't want to, Bunny, that's fine."

"No, I /do./ It's just..." Barnaby takes a breath. "I've never..."

"I understand. Bunny, we don't have to. We can take things slow—take it off the table if you want." Kotetsu raises his hands. "Hell, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. I can call a taxi—"

"No," Barnaby repeats. "I want to stay with you. I just want it to be perfect."

Kotetsu chuckles. "Bunny, the first time with /anyone/ never perfect. I got a cramp the very first time; I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Even with..." He flushes. "Well, I ended up in the hospital on my honeymoon."

Barnaby raises his eyebrows. "You did not."

"I uh, snapped the headboard and it crashed down on me." Kotetsu rubs the back of his head. "Nothing's perfect. You just have to... keep at it."

"But if it's terrible—"

"It won't be," Kotetso says softly. "Awkward, maybe a little painful, but never terrible. Not with you."

Barnaby takes a deep breath. "How could you be sure?"

"It's you, Bunny." Kotetsu smiles softly. "Besides, it took us a while to find out footing on the battlefield. And now? We're the best partners in the whole damn city."

"If you put it like that..."

"Well, okay, Sky High and Fire Emblem might be ahead in the current rankings—"

"Please stop talking," Barnaby says, covering his mouth with his lips.

Kotetsu obliges.

/end

(sorry for the tense changes/misspellings 🤦🏻)