Thread by @rikkainhaz

#chengxian/#xiancheng -ish. Pre-relationship? Some #cuckji??
Post-canon 😔
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Wei Wuxian talks about Jiang Cheng a lot, and the juniors notice.

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Wei Wuxian doesn’t realise it himself. It is brought to his attention by Lan Jingyi, the boy always saying what he thinks and never filtering his words unlike the more restrained Lan Sizhui.

He is resting with the boys in an inn

and he comments on the lovely aroma of the spicy lobster brought out to the table and what a shame it was that Jiang Cheng is allergic to shellfish—

“Senior Wei,” the boy pipes up, “you talk about Sect Leader Jiang a lot.”

Wei Wuxian blinks in shock, digesting

the boy’s words. His face twists uncontrollably and he tries to laugh it off, but he knows that he is convincing no one, not Lan Jingyi, not A-Yuan, and most definitely not Lan Wangji.

“I never realised,” he says instead when the pity on the two juniors’ faces become

hard to look at.

“Yeah, well, if what you say is true, then you must have spent years together with Sect Leader Jiang. It’s only natural, I speak about Sizhui all the time,” Lan Jingyi causally says as he picks on his milder dish, more vegetables than meat in the presence

of Hanguang-jun.

“No you don’t!” Lan Sizhui protests.

“I can’t imagine not talking to Sizhui though,” Lan Jingyi makes his point, “don’t you want to talk to Sect Leader Jiang again? If you were that close.”

Wei Wuxian falls silent, the spicy sauce of the lobster

loosing its taste in his mouth, like it had completely numbed him from inside out.

“I—I can’t,” he finally manages to squeeze out. The hand Lan Wangji placed on his thigh as a source of comfort starts to feel constricting and Wei Wuxian moves his leg to disentangle it.

“Can’t or won’t?”

And isn’t /that/ the question?

Before Wei Wuxian can ponder on that more, Lan Jingyi is reprimanded by Lan Wangji and silence falls over the table as the Lans partake in their rule of silence during mealtimes.

He can’t, can’t go home, can’t meet

Jiang Cheng—he’s sure of it. Jiang Cheng hates him, Jiang Cheng cried in front of him, cried for him, cried /because/ of him.

How can he be allowed to go home to Lotus Pier?

So yes, he’s right. He /can’t/ speak to Jiang Cheng again. He told him to leave the past

in the past, so that Wei Wuxian can walk peacefully in the future. He made his bed and he has to sleep in it.
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He thinks about Jiang Cheng in the night, curled up against the strong body of his husband and thinks of the teenager he loved and misses so deeply.

Does he talk about Jiang Cheng so much? What stories does he tell the juniors? How much did they hear, how much do they /know/?

Wei Wuxian wants to ask. He doesn’t want—scared to know. His mind split at both sides, Wei Wuxian finds himself unable to sleep.

His secrets buried

with him in his old life, now rearing its head like a demon to bring ruin.

Wei Wuxian is afraid.
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“I saw the young mistress—oh…I guess I should call him Sect Leader Jin now—the other day,” Lan Jingyi says out of the blue, as he stands on Wei Wuxian’s right,

skipping stones on the cold spring at Cloud Recesses. An activity Wei Wuxian taught the boys, and yet another memory with Jiang Cheng he must have shared with them. About how Jiang Cheng was known to be second to himself at everything but what people don’t know was that

Jiang Cheng always won their contests in stone skipping. He never won, not even once.

“He said his uncle is acting weird.”

“Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian jerks. He coughs into his fist, trying to control himself. “That A-Ling must be saying nonsense again. Aiya, you boys only know

how to joke!”

Lan Jingyi side-eyes him. “Well, I think Sect Leader Jiang is lonely.”

Loneliness, isn’t that such a cruel thing? Wei Wuxian himself couldn’t bear to withstand loneliness so he found himself following Lan Wangji, throwing away the past he cared for—

just so that he will not be alone.

But surely Lan Jingyi is mistaken, because doesn’t Jiang Cheng have YMJ, his disciples, and Jin Ling?

How can he be lonely?

He’s not Wei Wuxian, the YLLZ, debt-ridden and hated by the world even in death.

Surely—surely he’s not—

“What do you want from me?” he says, resigned. There’s no point going in circles, not when Lan Jingyi clearly wants something from him.

“Maybe you should talk to Sect Leader Jiang.”

Wei Wuxian wants to, he craves—he wants so desperately—

“I can’t,” he says yet again.

“I didn’t know you were a coward, Senior Wei,” Lan Jingyi throws the last stone in his hand. “I’m a bit disappointed.”

“…i’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t say sorry to me.” The boy turns, leaving Wei Wuxian to stare at his back. “Fairy’s going to

have puppies soon. The young mistress is planning to give one to his uncle. Just a fun fact.”

With a wave of his fingers, the boy leaves Wei Wuxian feeling cold in the wind.

‘I’ll help you chase away all the dogs in the future!’
‘And I will stay by your side forever!’

The words from a lifetime ago taunts him.

A rustle of leaves behind him and Wei Wuxian wipes his face—oh, he’s crying, when did he, why is he crying?

“Wei Ying.”

It’s Lan Zhan, quick, Wei Wuxian you have to smile—you cannot let Lan Zhan think you’re upset—

He raises his eyes to look at his husband and he can see the minute twitch of his facial muscles and—oh…he’s unhappy.

Wei Wuxian opens his mouth, intending to say something distracting, something to make the man before him happy, but all he can think about is Jiang Cheng being

lonely and—and dogs in Lotus Pier and—Wei Wuxian caves.

He’s only a mortal, he takes in a deep breath and finally says, quietly yet firmly, “Lan Zhan, take me to Lotus Pier.”

I want to see Jiang Cheng.