Thread by @TheBibleInVerse

Theobro - A Poem

I am the very model of a patriarchal theobro
I balk at women's leggings and decry them all as wily hoes
I speak the truth in love by raining fire on these reprobates
(By which I mean most anyone who Social Justice advocates)

I'm a Husband, Father, Pastor and a Sinner needing all the grace
But that's for me! What *you* deserve is many punches in the face.
I know a lot of out-of-context verses that support my views
And anyone correcting me, of wokeness I will fierce accuse

I absolutely lose my freaking mind if any woman talks
I hound their social media like jackals in the bushes stalk
I phone their pastors and decry the attitude of womenfolk
By this I show my well-adjusted sense of what is right or woke.

And if by some demonic sin a lady knows theology
I diss her point no matter how unerring the tautology
I wave away rebuttals and insist on speaking with her man
And question her salvation if she is a seminarian.

I live to praise the men who cause the greatest total suffering
Excusing all abuse of -- hang on, JMac's sermon buffering --
Aha! He told me what to think of articles correctional:
We're clearly victims of the culture's mindset intersectional.

And if by some ungodly chance the proof is undeniable
I bend my back in half to show the leader isn't liable.
It's not abuse of power, no, it's half-and-half adultery
Let's never mind the Humble Leader's character desultory.

I boldly show my manhood in this all-important culture war
I make it known how strong, how long, how tough I am: and furthermore
Opining on the loss of White and masculine hegemony
I simply can't accept the Kingdom doesn't focus all on me.

I claim objective truth while making errors eisigetical
And twist the scriptures to support my borderline heretical
Mutations of the doctrines honored through the ages glorious:
And at the end of all disputes I crown myself victorious.

hi so I write other things too :D

Feel free to check out my pinned tweet for my long-running Genesis in Epic Verse series

Or read it at writhyn.github.io/the-bible-in-v…

On subjects one and all I am the uppermost authority
Regardless of the history or scholarship majority
I'll miss your point entirely inserting my reality
And claim myself a victim when I suffer a fatality.