Thread by @rosasay

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“...And I know nothing of it, except what I learn from her.”—James Webb

I was skimming through my old journals, and found a newspaper clipping I had inserted as a very-relevant bookmark, from 1984, the year I had my daughter.

On the one hand, it seems so insightful...
/1

...written by a man, already a father.

On the other hand , it makes me think yet again, about our current divisiveness with #RoeVsWade, #abortion, and #WomensRights, and how men cannot possibly know what we women go through when we conceive—and why we must feel we are ready.
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What follows was written by James Webb: During the Reagan Administration, Webb served as the nation's 1st Asst Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs from 1984-87. In 1987, he was Secretary of the Navy, the 1st Naval Academy graduate to serve as a civilian head of the Navy.
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“A man’s relationship with his children begins at a conscious level and grows out of negotiation, however unarticulated. The kids are born, Dad and kids check each other out and become mutually satisfied and then, as the psychologists like to say, they ‘bond.’”
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“This process is deeper for mothers, more fundamental, unavoidably biological. I see this in my wife. No matter how much I love my children, no matter how deeply they love me, we began at a different starting point. We developed our love as separately existing individuals...”
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“I learned something when that glistening creature was pulled out of my wife’s insides and became a boy, but I still doubt that I comprehend the knowledge of human frailty that comes from months of carrying someone in your womb, sharing your blood and body.”
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“My wife is pregnant again. She is radiant when with child, at times imperious, at times forgiving, always just a little removed from the rest of us. She smiles and growls just as before, she gives her time and energy to us as she always has, she does not alter her routine.”
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“But she is, indeed, in a place that none of us can share. Conception hits her like a hangover as her system adjusts to the presence of another living thing. The baby takes from her, leaving her at first draggy and sleepy. It grows. Her system rights itself... ”
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“...She takes command of her body again, but always with the knowledge that just below her heart she is carrying a part of our future. At night, I watch her curl on her side and talk to this thing that will soon be her baby. Its elbows and knees make dimples on her belly...”
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“... and she alternately comforts it and teases it. She knows when it is ‘awake’ and she knows when it ‘takes a nap.’ It is alive. And I know nothing of it, except what I learn from her.”
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We would certainly be in a better place now, if those who make our laws, yet have never carried a child, would empathize, and ‘learn from’ those who intimately know of these experiences.
/11 end.