Thread by @annieschulte

🧵This thread is about who I met on January 21st, 2020, while moonlighting as an Uber driver. Jefferson City is a sleepy town on Tuesday nights but I signed into my driving app, knowing that I could always count on a few legislators needing a ride home from the bar. #moleg

I get a ride request around 11pm, instructing me to pick up “ME” near the corner of High Street and Madison. I’m used to Uber always giving me the passenger’s first name and last initial, so I got a little uneasy.

I mean, who tf calls themselves “ME” and wants to get in the backseat of my car this late at night? Probably a serial killer, my anxiety says.
I was relieved when I rolled up on an unassuming brunette that looked more like an extra on Falcon Crest than a murderer on Dateline

Me: I guess you’re “ME”? How’s it goin’?
Passenger: Good. Actually, my name is Mary Elizabeth but the app wouldn’t let me add that many characters.
Me: Ha! Makes sense
Mary Elizabeth: [rustling around with the seatbelt] We’re picking up my friend first.

Mary Elizabeth: He’s just around the corner.
Me: Well, you’ll need to add his address in the app. There should be an option to add a stop.
Mary Elizabeth:[sighs] No. He’s just around the corner. You don’t need an address. Just go left.

Me: [Turns left on Madison St]
Mary Elizabeth: [almost immediately] STOP! He’s right there!

Here comes a guy in a tan overcoat, smirking as he walks out of the dark Hawthorn Bank drive-through and negotiates his way around a bush toward my car.

I’ve marked their pickup locations on this map. Although it’s hard to tell, there was barely room to swing a dead cat between them - like, they could literally see each other while she waited for an Uber.

These two were clearly up to something.

I start driving to their destination. They were going to Twin Bridges, a local dive bar outside city limits. Last I heard, you could still smoke there. Definitely not the place you’d expect to see someone like my Pollyanna passenger or her suited companion.

Speaking of Mary Elizabeth, she’s all smiles now. I can see her and the gentleman touching each other. He rubbing her thigh while she prattles on and on about their workday.

She says something about sex trafficking and then must’ve noticed me glance at her in the rearview because that’s when she tells me that they’re legislators.
If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that legislators will tell you they’re legislators at their 1st opportunity

My passengers are holding hands now as we pull into a dark, empty parking lot. The bar is closed.
While I generally don’t give away free uber rides, I wasn’t going to leave these folks in a dark parking lot, in the middle of nowhere
I give them a ride back into town.

Me: Where to now?
Mary Elizabeth: Preferably a bar that doesn’t have other legislators in it.

We stop by a place called The Tavern but they were also closed.

Frustrated, they finally resign themselves to Sapphire Lounge.
They exit the vehicle and I proceed with my evening

About an hour later, I get another uber request from “ME”. She’s alone again and annoyed, explaining that other legislators were at Sapphire Lounge and it “ruined everything”. She's ready to go home.

Mary Elizabeth is pretty tipsy and busy texting someone and singing along to Tom’s Diner in the back seat of my car.
I turn the stereo down when I hear her get on the phone.

She’s telling a friend about her night.

Mary Elizabeth: Maybe we're in love.
[gushing] It was so romantic - He even held my hand in the Uber!

At one point during her call, she starts yelling, “This is the best I’ll ever be! Right now! This is the best I’ll ever be!” [context unknown]

I drop her off at her apartment, on the west side behind Lowe’s and wait until she makes it inside before driving away.

I forget about "ME" until the next day, when I see that her moleg boyfriend's picture is in the Tribune.

So, Mary Elizabeth Coleman was having an affair with the Speaker of the House. Personally, I didn't care. Not my business, right? It wasn't until SCOTUS overturned Roe v Wade that I ever thought about her again, after reading an article in Vanity Fair...

I precede to learn everything I can about this woman, discovering that she's currently one of the biggest threats to Missourians - specifically women. As a single mom of three little girls, I decided it was time to speak Mary Elizabeth's truth.

She isn’t who she says she is. She's an emotionally immature, self-serving narcissist disguised as a mousy, altruistic brunette that claims to be deeply devoted to her husband, her constituents and the lord.

It’s all bullshit.

BTW, the bible doesn’t even mention abortion but it sure has a lot to say about adultery, Mrs. Coleman.

Also, happy anniversary, Mary Elizabeth. My apologies to Chris if he’s just now discovering that you use session as an escape to bang other dudes while he’s stuck at home, watching all those kids.

One more thing – birthing/buying more children will not save your marriage. It just doesn't work like that, so stop with this nonsense.

It was this interview for me, where she panders to her christian base, bragging about that perfect marriage of hers - the best gift she’s ever been given.

“In the United States, because of the widely accepted belief in the “right to know” information of public concern, freedom of speech generally overrides public figures' right to privacy. As a result, public figures have almost no right to privacy”
We can start here, if you want.