Thread by @devinamehra

On Popular demand!

Putting my hard-won Life Lessons into a thread

#LifeLesson #1
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
- Maya Angelou

Often we're judgemental about people we don't know well & too willing to make excuses for those who are close to us

#LifeLesson #2
Count your blessings. Always.

No matter what the situation, you are definitely much better off than many others in the world.

The fact that you're reading this on Twitter itself is evidence of this.

Never forget that!

#LifeLesson #3
Being trusting, kind, non judgemental may be touted as superpowers but they're exactly what may lead you to be in the cross-hairs of a conman

Not realizing that people totally without conscience exist can be a big trap

Q: Do you try to change yourself? Or not?

#LifeLesson #4
Be there for your friends at their lows: poor health, grief, job loss, legal trouble. Whatever be it. Even if you can't DO anything, just BE there

LifeLesson #4A
When you're the one who needs help, don't hesitate to ask. It doesn't make you smaller. Only human

#LifeLesson #5
Never ever cry over sunk costs. And not just in business.

You've already wasted time, money whatever. It may even be decades of your life or a whole lot of money.

Don't waste more of your life brooding over it. You are only compounding your losses.

Move on!

#LifeLesson #6
When you think anything nice about anyone: friend, family, waiter, whoever, tell them!

Very often we think it, even mention to another but neglect to tell that person

You may make their day, week & more!

I know there are compliments I've cherished for years

#LifeLesson #7
Cut your losses!
Simple. But not always easy to implement & not just in investing

Are they/it going to change? Your work, Your company, your boss, your friend or even your partner?

Is it acceptable to you if they don't?

If not, make the change. Cut your losses

#LifeLesson #8
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger

It may be unexpected bereavement & grief, betrayal by someone close, losing a job/ business, financial losses, but you're still alive, still standing

This too shall pass

There's always light at the end of the tunnel

#LifeLesson #9
It is possible to overdo 'Forgive and Forget'!

Letting go of things & incidents with a 'Jaane do' means you are not processing the information in front of you

Never forgive without processing the information...else someone may be able to fool or cheat you again

#LifeLesson #10
Be Bold. Be Fearless. Own Your Life.

Always tell Yourself a Good Story about Your Life.

#LifeLesson #11
What to do if someone (especially one who is close to you) plays petty and dirty

Treat their actions like garbage thrown at you and then...

Take a leaf out of nature's book:

Turn it into compost to help you flower 🌺 🌸🌹

A great mental flip 😊

Try it!

#LifeLesson #12
We are often asked about the advice we want to give our younger self or to the young

Flip the question around: think about whether the teenage (or younger) you would be proud of what you are doing and the kind of person you've become

That can be a wake-up call

#LifeLesson #13
Often told to concentrate only on doing work, not on who gets the credit? Doesn't work in the real world

My hard-learnt lesson: Don't let anyone else take credit for your work, no matter how close or friendly or 'sweet' they are

Beware if you see that happening

#LifeLesson #14
I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better
- Maya Angelou

Remember this when you're beating yourself up for being stupid or for the wrong decision/action, not being able to see thru a con...whatever

Forgive yourself. Learn. Do better.

#LifeLesson #15

Never confuse kindness, gentleness, goodness, caring, trust with weakness- a mistake men make often

Just because someone is nice, kind & loving doesn't mean that they aren't strong

Never forget!

#LifeLessons #16

Always opt for Optimism!

We spend a lot of time worrying abt future disasters - almost all of which never happen

Instead of battling with worst case scenarios in your head, visualize the 'best case'. Believe it. Give thanks as if it has happened

It's magic 😊

#LifeLesson #17

"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing"
- Sarah Elizabeth Lewis

So easy to get distracted in today's world

Ask yourself if you're moving the needle on what you truly care about

Or are days (and life) passing you by?

Do a periodic review 😊

#LifeLesson #18
Always be a student. Always be a teacher.

True now more than ever

The old model of learning in school/univ & applying it for the rest of life won't work

We need to reinvent & relearn all thru life. Embrace it instead of resisting

Teach what YOU know.Mentor too

#LifeLesson #19
"You can't control the hand that's dealt to you...you can only control how you deal with it"

Cribbing, crying, self-pity beyond a point, lead you nowhere

Do your best!
Look at the glass as half full

Remember: Happiness is the best revenge - on fate or people🥳

#LifeLesson #20
Kids learn what you do, not what you say

A few things I learnt by osmosis from my parents
-Say only what you mean
-Treat people the same whatever their networth/usefulness
-In-laws are same as your family
-Find time for hobbies
Much more

None of it was 'taught'

#LifeLesson #21
Be kind. Be nice. Be warmhearted.

Doesn't take much.

Listen.
Ask the right questions - even if it's virtually.

How are you feeling?
How did your father's medical test turn out?
Did your kid get admission?

Often that's all that takes. To convey someone cares.

#LifeLesson #22
Accept with gratitude what come easily & effortlessly to you

Work hard but don't have limiting beliefs like 'This will take a long time to achieve','You can't get there without effort'

Try the powerful affirmation
"All My Life comes to Me with Joy, Ease & Glory"

#LifeLesson #23
Hard-won lesson

Don't bail out someone or clean up their messes repeatedly (kids get more chances 😊)

Likely to become greedy & entitled

And no matter how kind or generous you are, you'll never satisfy an ungrateful person

You can save their very lives but...

#LifeLesson #24

There will be times in your life when you may drown in turbulent waters, unless you're borne aloft in the arms of friends.

Friends are precious.

"Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel"
- Shakespeare

#LifeLesson #25
"Being over-competitive kills creativity & joy. Being truly inspired can take you in directions that can make concepts of competition obsolete"

Why anchor yourself to what everyone's doing?

Think what inspires you. YOUR passion

Many memories from my own journey

#LifeLesson #26
One that I realised long ago:

If you use your energy for negative pursuits like pulling down others, envy, dishonesty, deceit etc you simply won't have enough for positive goals

You WILL NOT achieve your potential

Have seen this happen with many talented people

#Lifelesson #27

Choose to be happy NOW

No more, I'll be happy when: I've x amt of money, find my soulmate, lose 10 kgs...whatever

Actively choose to be happy & even the goals will come easier

For more on the real science (not self-help mumbo jumbo) of happiness, recommend 👇

#LifeLesson #28
Steer clear of those for whom everything is a Point of View (POV). There are no facts or truth!

"It's another opinion"
"You can think like that if you want"

Sign of toxicity or having given up thinking

They've no intentions of understanding, let alone remorse

#LifeLesson # 29

Abuse, esp Emotional Abuse
1.Never starts out as bad as it gets- Slow escalation

2. It isn't all bad. By alternating good & bad times, the abuser can keep you hooked

3. It's often very insidious.Difficult to see when you're in it

Educate everyone, esp girls!

#LifeLesson #30
Pursue success but not at the cost of ethics, values, happiness, relationships...

Understand what truly brings you joy

Don't go by someone else's definitions & standards of achievement or bliss

इक तिनका साथ न जावेगा ...
सब ठाठ पड़ा रह जावेगा जब लाद चलेगा बंजारा

#Lifelesson #31

The wicked/immoral feel no guilt: the misdeeds of sociopaths, narcissists & conmen don't keep them awake

Only the good feel guilty - sometimes needlessly so

-Interesting insight from Salman Akhtar (poet and psychoanalyst)

Absolutely true, in my experience!

#LifeLesson #32

You make time for activities & people who really matter to you

"Don't have time" to read, to meet a friend, to upskill" etc is usually bunkum

Only some exceptions(eg caregivers, parents of young kids)

Own your choices instead of feeling guilty. Or change them!

#LifeLesson #33

"If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you"
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I find this a somewhat chilling quote

A warning that when fighting evil or monsters, you need to be careful...else you yourself can cross over to the dark side

#LifeLesson #34

Money-making cannot be an end in itself.

Ultimately money is to be used. You're not going to take it with you.

Make money...Lots of it.

But use it too...for yourself + for family & friends when they need it.
Strangers too, if you can.

Else what's it for?

#LifeLesson #35

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated."
- Maya Angelou

Build resilience in yourself and in kids

Life will always throw unexpected setbacks at you, doesn't make YOU a failure

जो तूफ़ानों में पलते जा रहे हैं
वही दुनिया बदलते जा रहे हैं

#LifeLesson #36

Be kind...to yourself

Forgive yourself - sometimes the hardest thing to do, even if it's for being 'idiotic enough' to fall for a con!

Cut yourself some slack

A good hack:
Think of what advice you would give to a good friend who was exactly in your position

#LifeLesson #37

Life is too short to say no to a compliment!

Show delight, gratitude when you get one

Don't cut it down with (false) modesty or trying to prove that you don't deserve it

Brings joy to both the giver & the receiver

Here are my top ones

https://twitter.com/devinamehra/status/1608791028307484678?t=ak3rKtICDgoNdlofieWTJQ&s=19

#LifeLesson #38

Choose to be Grateful
Choose to be Happy

The two are related
& there IS a choice

We can start the day with a list of things to complain abt

OR we can be grateful for everything: a roof over us, food, health, family, our abilities...on & on

Choose wisely

#LifeLesson #39
People usually think others are like them

Those who think others are corrupt & dishonest are mostly so themselves

The spouse who suspects is often the one who's cheating

The father who eloped is ultra-protective of his daughter

In our minds, 'we' are the norm

#LifeLesson #40
It takes energy to deceive/hide things from the world. Stop doing it & you've so much more energy for the good stuff
-Paraphrasing Mahesh Bhatt

As for myself, saying 'I don't play games' is making a virtue out of a necessity,as am incapable of doing it!🙃
WYSIWYG

#LifeLesson #41

Confidence ISN'T a good proxy for competence

Someone claiming to know/have expertise in an area, doesn't mean they really do

Learnt the hard way years ago via recruitment errors

But holds true in most areas of life from 'experts' on TV to husbands & friends

#LifeLesson #42
People don't change how they work acc to what they earn

May tell you they aren't working optimally as the pay isn't enough but upping salary rarely changes output

Those who're driven, work the same way whether they're working for a 2 bit outfit or for themselves

#LifeLesson #43

When you say push away/ aren't grateful for something that comes into your life: success, wealth, love, good wishes...

OR

You mock, envy & bitch about someone else having it,

The Universe takes note...and it won't be there when you next want/ need it

#LifeLesson #44

Skill plus luck/destiny/God/Karma (whatever you call it) operates in nearly every human endeavour...that's why 'secrets of success' narratives are only part truth at best!

Right from where & in what circumstances you were born, has a big impact on your life path

#LifeLesson #45
You can stop worrying about your legacy as you won't leave one!

Your only(slim) chance is if you're a Gandhiji level leader or an artist (Rafi, Premchand or Monet)

As a businessperson,the only chance is having your name on buildings like Carnegie or Rockefeller

#LifeLessson #46
Life is short; the years slip away fast

If you want to say something to someone, say it

Esp if it's a compliment or just telling someone you're thinking of them or love them

Even when you are unsure of the reaction; go on, express your feelings

Live a little!

#LifeLessson #47

Don't let anyone dim your light and your laughter🎈🎈

When someone lies, cheats, is unkind, critical, cruel whatever, even if they are close to you; remember all this shows the kind of person they are...nothing at all to do with who YOU are.

Not always easy to see this when it comes from your safe zone.

But step back, evaluate & move on if you need to.

#Lifelesson #48
How important is luck for success?

The best analogy I've found is to think of success as a bank locker.

Do your bit by doing what you need to & being very prepared always (that's your key).

If and when luck/destiny comes & puts in the second key, the lock opens and there's success.

Simple, isn't it? 😊

#LifeLesson #49
So much of life is a question of perspective.

What appears the 'norm', the only way to us may be totally weird or inexplicable to another person/culture.

This is a nautical chart.

The amazing part? The sea is full of lines, markings & notations. The land is blank.

Perspective!

#LifeLesson #50

This one is from a Juhi Chawla interview, but one I've never forgotten

"During my heydays, I was No. 2 & Madhuri was No. 1. The whole time I tried to reach #1.

Never enjoyed the fact that out of crores of people I was right up there...and then it was all over"

Strive. But enjoy and be grateful for where you are too.

You don't know how long you will have all that you take for granted today.

#Lifelesson #51

Most of the time, the difference between great courage and sheer stupidity is the outcome; which is largely determined by luck.

We let outcomes determine whether the decision to do something or not was correct.

Not the right way!

#Lifelesson #52

What you see on the media/ social media is not reality:
- Not for relationships
- Not for looks
- Not for how much fun people are having
- Not even for how healthy they are

I know at least 4 people who've had cardiac issues (heart attacks/ surgery) but who've hidden it from the whole world, incl reasonably close friends.

Take all public assertions of the kind: my wrinkle-free skin is due to drinking a lot of water not Botox, I don't take a single medicine, I am devoted to my wife etc; not to mention casual health & beauty advice with a healthy dose of skepticism.

#LifeLesson #53

Never kid yourself:
They may be bad with others but they're good to me.

He's been cheating on his wife for years, but he will never lie to me.

He's rude and abusive to the staff but that means nothing.
...and so on

How a person treats someone else is how they'll treat YOU one day...Make no mistake 😊

#LifeLesson #54

Stop expecting that how you think/ behave to be the norm

You think:
I will never do this
or
I will 100% do this

And you think that at least absolutes will hold for everyone else but that is simply not the case!

Easy to understand in theory but hard to implement, at least for me.

For instance, I can't imagine ghosting someone I know, as showing that kind of zero empathy is unimaginable for me;
Or, misbehaving in public places;
Or, lying to and cheating your own family...I could go on

And it is really hard for me to imagine that others can do it in their stride.

As I said, difficult lesson for me to really imbibe, even after I understand it intellectually.

I can't even sign a greeting card unless I feel that the printed write-up on it reflects my real feelings 🙃

#LifeLesson #55

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what's a heaven for?"
- Robert Browning

Same thought in simple language, to charge you up

"Don't fear failure.
Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail"
- Bruce Lee

#LifeLesson #56

We often think of extending any help to anyone according to how close they are or how important they are to our lives.

But if something costs you little in terms of effort or money and may help someone disproportionately, you should just do it - sometimes it is just lending an ear, sending a message, sharing a contact or a healing modality - doesn't cost you much.

Who knows how much it means to the person on the other side - even if they're a stranger.

Something I try to live by.

#LifeLesson #57

When you have sincerely loved someone and they abuse/ cheat/ betray you (or yes, ask for dowry), hold your head high and walk away. Kick THEM out of your life.

Embrace that reality.
Don't act ashamed or be shy of talking about it.

The shame is theirs if they threw away your love.
It's on them!
They should be hiding in corners, not you.

You are ALWAYS worth more than any relationship, no matter how long or intimate.

As a corollary: Teach girls that marriage is/ can be only a part of life, it is neither life nor your life's goal or achievement.

#LifeLesson #58
YOU are the ambassador of your parents...you are their lasting legacy.

When you act, think about how it reflects on them.

No matter what your age, when you behave well: properly, courteously, with empathy, compassion and patience, people will call you 'well-brought up' and I think there is a great element of truth in it.

Similarly, uncouth, abusive, unethical behavior (unfortunately, often on display on social media) also showcases your upbringing...or lack of it.

All your life you remain ambassadors of your parents, in most cases - as to what type of human beings they are/ were.

#LifeLesson #59

Life is not about what happens to you but how you react to what happens.

If you wait till everything is perfect in your life to be happy, you will wait forever.

And I speak as one who has seen 3 Black Swan level disruptions in my own life.

Look at the glass as half-full!

Be grateful for your blessings 🎊🎊and face life with a smile.

As an aside, in India dhoop and rains have opposite connotations from what they have in the West and maybe there's a lesson in that as well.

#LifeLesson #60

There are more good people than evil ones.

In all the crises in my life, while a handful of people may've been trying to harm, many others were around to help and support.

Just change your perspective.

Someone close may have broken your trust but they aren't the whole world and even the majority of people in your life.

Look around. Give thanks for the blessings in your life and watch your life change!

#LifeLesson #61

You've to do the best with the hand you are dealt in life.

It may not be a good hand.
It may not be fair.

But you have to face what it is and make the best of it.

Eternal lesson:
For investing & life from The Gambler by Kenny Rogers


You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away

You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table

'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser

#LifeLesson #62

If you are thinking about what to teach your kids, remember that they will learn & imitate what you DO, not what you SAY

Parents buy books for children and none for themselves

Business people fight bitterly with siblings & expect THEIR kids to have a loving relationship, and support one another

People tell their kids to be truthful when the children can see THEM lie everyday

What YOU do will become the norm for your chikdren

#LifeLesson #63

A happy, secure childhood builds strength and resilience

BUT it also builds a deep belief that the world and its people are good & well-meaning; makes it practically impossible to see through conmen

You don't realize that people without conscience exist, whose whole life is a tissue of lies

The trouble? Even after understanding this intellectually and even after being conned, it is very hard to change your deep-rooted operating system, which is one of trust

#LifeLesson #64

You are going to meet your friends and family only a very limited number of times.
Don't let go of any opportunity to do so.

Suppose you meet your school/ college friends (who don't live in the same city) once in 2 years or visit your parents twice a year

Now calculate how many times you will meet them - that too is with the assumption of a full life span, which is not guaranteed.

Nowadays if I travel, even on work, I try and stay with friends - never mind if there's some inconvenience involved for them, or for me.

It is well worth it!

And the intimacy of hanging out at night or in the kitchen isn't the same as in a restaurant lunch or dinner.

Plus I enjoy the pampering 🤓

Try it!

#LifeLesson #65

Someone lies, steals, cheats etc and each time you ignore or forgive either because they are close to you or because amounts/ matters are small.

The mistake lies in not processing the information - that the actions show what the person is like, what their values are, how they have been brought up.

An error that really misled me.

A lesson learnt!

#LifeLesson #66

Don't have your dream job?

1. Be grateful for the work you do have. Many don't have that too!

2. Work towards your dream but do a great job of where you are currently

3. You can make ANY job better

Let me tell you a story

Many years ago I took the Amtrak train from New York to Boston in the US. The ticket checker came around to check the tickets. So far so routine.

You would think the TT's job is one of the most routine and boring jobs in the world. And it is for most ticket checkers.

But not for this one 😎

When he went around checking the tickets he had a word for everyone.

He complimented me on the salwar kameez I was wearing.
He chatted with the 6 year old who loved being addressed as 'Young lady'.
He gave a mini Boston tour guidance to a couple.
And so on.

And then when we were close to Boston, he went to the head of the carriage and give the kind of speech that a pilot normally gives when the flight is about to land, including the weather report for Boston.

When we all left the train there were smiles and greetings for him and a spring in everyone's step.

HE managed to upgrade his job, have fun, get a lot of positive vibes and also have everyone leave with a smile and a story.
A Story I have remembered now for 25 years 😊

Routine? Boring? Nah, it was a great job!

#LifeLesson #67

Identify the scorpions🦂 in your life

You would've all heard the story of the frog (or another animal) who agreed to ferry a scorpion across a river after being assured by the scorpion that it would not sting. But in the middle of the river it did sting!
Because that is the nature of scorpions.

In life, at times, we end up associating with scorpions.

We think that with love, kindness, generosity, giving them a free ride, or even upto saving their lives; we would change them and they will better versions of themselves.

We think: How can anyone behave terribly when we have been so good to them?
But we are thinking from our perspective and WE are not scorpions!

The truth is scorpions don't change their tactics & behaviour no matter what and how much you do for them. They will sting you with the poison that is inside them no matter what.

Therefore the aim should be to identify them and steer clear.

And if you have got associated with them inadvertently, get them off your back as soon as you can.

Life lesson #68

Women are conditioned to prioritise other peoples' health and happiness above their own

In many cases it means putting up with abuse: emotional, financial and all too often, physical too

Unpopular opinion but Unconditional love is a trap!

* Put yourself first
* Take yourself and your children out of harm's way
*. DO NOT normalize bad behavior
*. Noone who abuses is a 'good person at heart'
*. Even if THEY have past trauma, that does not justify their abusing you

I hope someone reading this has a deeper understanding of what they are going through and what they should be doing.

Yes, some men go through abuse too, and should remove themselves from it, but happens far less often as most men ARE raised to put themselves first.

And this is the aggregate data:

Nearly one third of ever married women in India ADMIT to being physically abused. And we know how much this is normalized and under-reported. A few slaps don't even 'count' in many families.

Statistics in every country show that a woman is about 10 times more likely to be KILLED by a spouse, partner or relative than the other way around.

#LifeLesson #69

The greatest kindnesses are when the recipient does not even realize that the other person is being kind.
Maybe that should be the gold standard for kindnesses.

Two series of incidents stand out from my own life.

I did not have many friends from age 4 to 10, partly because I was way younger than my classmates. And I used to tag along with my brothers everywhere - when they went to friends' homes or out to play or whatever and they never made me feel unwelcome.

It was only after I was an adult I realised that most elder siblings do not like young kids tagging along and it was an act of unusual kindness.

At IIMA, my closest friend Sarada was the eldest when I was the youngest (when you are 19, being 25 and married appears impossible mature).

Her husband used to come down every other weekend or so from Bombay and we on the floor never thought about that he is making this effort to spend time with his wife.

For us it was general celebration time that Jagan has come let's ask to him to treat us to icecream, hang out with him or something like that. Looking back it was as if he had got 5 saalis for free. Again never made us feel like pesky intruders (which we very much were) or unwelcome.

Today as I attended Sarada and Jagan's daughter's wedding I thought about how much Jagan's persuasion worked even more than Sarda's 😍

So glad I could make it and I think the happiness shows.

#LifeLesson #70

Beware of self-styled Gurus

Anyone chasing land, money, power, followers etc (as most of them do) is far far away from spirituality... कोसों दूर, as is said.

It's literally the first lesson in any spiritual journey, that all these things are NOT worth chasing.

इक तिनका साथ न जावेगा
सब ठाठ पड़ा रह जावेगा
जब लाद चलेगा बंजारा

Remember this when you see aggressive marketing from them😊

#LifeLesson #71

The mind and body are inexorably linked - in sickness and in health.

Always look for how the stresses and toxicity in your life impact your health.

One example:
In an atmosphere of abuse and ugliness, you are in the fight/ flight/ freeze mode too long and too often. It can increase the cortisol levels in your body and cortisol has two direct effects: it makes your body hold on to weight even if you are doing all the 'right things' in terms of diet and exercise. Plus it messes up your sleep.

The other way of looking at it is that when you feel unsafe, your body tries to protect you by increasing your weight and size.

Similarly, adult onset asthma is often seen in people who are/ are made to supress their feelings and personality.

It is always worth going deep to understand the roots of stress in your life.

And if something in your circumstances is causing it, evaluate whether it is possible to change the circumstances.

Get rid of the toxicity in your life, lower the stress responses and watch a number of health issues disappear.

Look forward to knowing all bout your own experiences.