Thread by @divyamittal_IAS

We must cut out toxic people from our lives, if we want to live a happy life.

- Who are toxic people?
- Why is it so difficult to cut them out?
- What to do about it?

Having dealt with them myself, a thread on learnings 🧵

Please retweet for maximum reach to help others
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Kinds of #toxic people:

1. Judge: You always feel judged in their presence. You can never live up to their standards no matter what you do. They make you feel non-valued

2. Critic: They always poke holes in your actions and make you feel inadequate

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3. Victim: Its never their fault. They won't take responsibility. They make you feel guilty for the situation they are in

4. Manipulator: They want to control your thoughts, words and actions. They make you see the world from their eyes. You depend on them & feel helpless

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5. Energy vampire: You don't understand why, but you feel heavy/ tense around them.
When u tell them your problem they'll say their problem is bigger.
If you tell them a good news, they say you be happy while their life sucks.

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Why is it to difficult to leave them?

1. You are a nice person, and feel guilty about abandoning them
2. They are mostly a close relation. A childhood association. Hence the guilt is even higher

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3. They keep each action small. U are confused if they are really toxic, or u are overreacting
4. They keep saying they love u or that they are doing it for your benefit
5. When you try to leave, they use the same toxic behavior even more
(Most imp!! - Read on for examples)

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-Judge: I knew you would leave me when your purpose is done
-Critic: you are a bad person and hence leaving me
-Victim: you are leaving me at a time I need you the most
-Manipulator: will manipulate you into staying
-Energy vampire: Just make u feel heavy

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How to deal with them:

First step is to recognize the toxicity. This is the most difficult!

1. Put yourself first. You have to save yourself before saving anyone. Dont feel guilty of looking out for yourself.
2. Offer compassion but don't try to cure them

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3. If you can, cut them out from your life and walk away

If you can't walk away :
4. Talk to them: eg. I wont participate in negative discussions. I wont be ok with criticism etc
5. Make yourself unavailable - "I can't talk right now. I am busy"

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6. Set boundaries - Help them but not at the cost of your sanity
Maintain calm - They feed on drama. Don't get drawn in.
You need to forgive them to start your own healing.

BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER
Forgive, but NEVER forget

Don't hope that they will change.

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Your primary responsibility is towards yourself and other positive people in your life.

Without being mentally healthy yourself, you can't perform to the best of your ability.

Hope this helps someone facing toxicity.

##End of thread##

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