Thread by @bkakbugz

#bokuaka // light angst, early-ish relationship

"Bokuto, I– I think we should break up."

The statement comes seemingly out of nowhere.

/Out of nowhere/ because Keiji and Koutaro have been attached at the hip all day, running errands, watching movies, practicing tossing in Koutaro's back yard, making out in bed, and now, making dinner in Koutaro's kitchen.

/Seemingly/ because they've been through this before.

"Is that something you want?" Koutaro asks gently. He turns to face Keiji, offering him his full, undivided attention as he leans his hip against the countertop. He reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind Keiji's ear.

Keiji sighs softly and looks down at his hands briefly +

before meeting Koutaro's eyes.

"I just.. think–"

Koutaro clicks his tongue disapprovingly and stands up straight, smoothing his hands over Keiji's shoulders, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I don't want to know what you /think/. I want to know what you /want/."

Keiji presses his lips together and watches Koutaro quietly, "Bo–"

"Can you please stop calling me Bokuto, too?"

He laughs, but his eyebrows are furrowed with poorly concealed worry. Maybe this time will be different.

They stare at each other for another silent moment before Koutaro continues, "Do you want us to break up? Or have you just convinced yourself that we should?"

This time it's Keiji's turn to frown, "That's not very fair.."

Koutaro hums, "I think it's a little fair, Keiji. We've done this before, haven't we?"

It's true– here are the facts:

• Keiji and Koutaro have been together for 7 months

• They are both deeply in love

• Keiji has attempted to end the relationship on a total of 4 occasions, for various anxiety-induced reasons

• He's not yet been successful

• Koutaro begins university in 2 weeks

• Keiji's anxiety around the previous fact is through the roof

• Koutaro is excellent at talking him down

Koutaro holds his hand up to list off on his fingers the graveyard of Keiji's Arguments Past:

[One] "I'm very aware we're going to be apart a lot while I'm at university."

[Two] "Yes, it may be even longer than that if you decide you want to go somewhere else to study."

[Three] "Of course I'm okay with that and, yes, I'm sure."

[Four] "I will not resent you if I have to travel to see you. I could never resent you, period."

Keiji is quiet, watching Koutaro's hand absently.

Koutaro sighs. "Hey–" he lifts Keiji's chin to look into his eyes. "I know you're nervous about all of this. All I want is for you to be happy."

Keiji takes a deep, steadying breath.

"But guess what?" Koutaro says softly, dragging his thumb across Keiji's jawline. He holds up another finger, "I have a handy-dandy fifth argument."

Keiji searches his eyes and Koutaro smiles reassuringly.

"I love you." Koutaro states. "So, actually, none of those other points matter in the first place. Because I love you and I'm going to fight for you. Even when your brain– which I love– convinces you that it would be easier to give up."

Keiji's worried expression softens fractionally. His lips part to speak but Koutaro shakes his head, once.

"If breaking up is something you really want then I have no choice but to let you go," Koutaro continues, "But it sounds to me like you've just been thinking a little too hard again.

"And my mind hasn't changed since the last time we talked about this. It's not going to change, Keiji. I'm in this for as long as you'll have me."

Keiji reaches up to wrap his hands around Koutaro's extended fingers. He curls them into a fist and pulls it to his chest. "What if we try to do long distance and it doesn't work?"

"What if it does?"

"What if I can't stand to be apart from you?" Keiji presses.

"Are you trying to leave me because you're afraid of me leaving?" Koutaro can't help the small smile that tugs at his lips, "Do you hear yourself?"

"What if you find someone better than me while you're away?" Keiji asks.

Koutaro's smile fades. He frowns, looking back and forth between Keiji's eyes. Keiji sucks in a breath and turns his face away, "I just think it'll be easier if we end this before that happens."

"Keiji, there is no one better than you for me."

"Koutaro.."

"/Keiji/." Koutaro says firmly. He pauses briefly and pulls his hand away to cup Keiji's face between his palms. "I am not leaving you, for anyone, ever. Do you want to leave me?"

Keiji is silent for a long moment before he murmurs, "No."

Koutaro nods resolvedly and lifts his eyes to stare pointedly at Keiji's forehead, "Keiji's Brain," he regards, "stop telling my boyfriend to break up with me. We are very much in love." His eyes meet Keiji's, "Right?"

A smile pulls at Keiji's lips and he nods, "Yes." Koutaro's smile mirrors his. He leans down to kiss him gently.

Keiji is smiling to himself when they part, his eyes downcast and hands fiddling with each other nervously. "I'm sorry."

Koutaro shakes his head and pulls Keiji into his arms, "Don't be sorry. But maybe next time we can talk about what's making you anxious before we talk about breaking up, yeah?"

Keiji nods against his shoulder. "I love you."

Koutaro rests his head atop Keiji's and closes his eyes contentedly, "I love you too."

//end

sending love to all my anxious readers, keiji understands us. i hope you have a bo in your life 🤍🤍🤍

📌 if you enjoyed this, you may enjoy my other writing! twitter.com/i/events/15621…