Childhood trauma is “invisible” but it’s always present in the nervous system.
It’s common for someone to say “I don’t have childhood trauma” but their bodies & behaviors tell a different story (🧵)
Do you wince or feel anxious when someone walks into a room? Do you want to connect with someone but cannot trust that they actually love you? Do you lack communication skills & immediately lash out or shut down?
Do you have beliefs like “I don’t matter” “no one cares what I have to say?” When you’re hurt do you struggle to regulate your emotions or even know what you actually feel?
Have you spent a majority of your adult life people pleasing or achieving to get love, validation, or approval? And now you wonder who you even are or why you feel so empty?
Our body doesn’t forget. Our behaviors reflect our past. The way we view ourselves & the world around us is forever changed when we experience childhood trauma.
Most important to understand is that childhood trauma doesn’t just look like severe abuse, neglect, & assault. Emotional neglect & abuse are so common in our society we just call it “normal.”
We have an entire society of adults living these consequences.
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How to deal with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you:
Emotionally difficult people are fulfilled by getting someone else emotionally activated. They want your reaction. Good or bad, it feeds their deep longing for connection.
They escalate situations quickly or assume things you don't mean. Your heart might start racing. You go on the defensive. You over-explain.
Apologizing for crying or telling someone to stop crying blocks our brain from releasing painful events.
The Science of Tears:
When we have an emotional experience, our limbic system alerts the brain and facial nerves to produce tears. Tears release neurotransmitters and hormonal stress responses from the body.
When we cry, our breathing slows and our parasympathetic nervous system is activated. After crying you'll feel tired or calm because your body properly stored an emotional memory.
They always want you to visit, but once you're there they're distracted.
How To Deal With A Low Effort Family:
Low effort families struggle to emotionally connect. They don't want to visit you, and have an expectation you should always visit them. They rarely call you to check in, you have to call first.
When you do visit, they're distracted. They rarely ask you about yourself and your life. When you do try to share, they seem to dissociate or be half listening.
The real reason relationships end is because no one wants to parent their partner.
That's how respect and attraction is lost.
Here's what you expect from a partner:
You've spent a long time taking care of everyone else. You want a partner who makes your life easier, not more difficult. Someone who finally steps up to take care of you, too.
You don't want to repeat things over and over again. You want a mature partner who hears you and lets you know they heard you through making changes in their behavior.
When you grow up with an angry father, sometimes you become him:
Growing up with an angry father, you learned to read the house like a weather report. The sound of his footsteps, the tone of his voice, or the look on his face told you exactly how to brace yourself.
You spent your time daydreaming, imagining living with a family on tv, or picturing your wedding. Fantasizing about a time when someone's mood isn't your problem.