Childhood trauma is “invisible” but it’s always present in the nervous system.
It’s common for someone to say “I don’t have childhood trauma” but their bodies & behaviors tell a different story (🧵)
Do you wince or feel anxious when someone walks into a room? Do you want to connect with someone but cannot trust that they actually love you? Do you lack communication skills & immediately lash out or shut down?
Do you have beliefs like “I don’t matter” “no one cares what I have to say?” When you’re hurt do you struggle to regulate your emotions or even know what you actually feel?
Have you spent a majority of your adult life people pleasing or achieving to get love, validation, or approval? And now you wonder who you even are or why you feel so empty?
Our body doesn’t forget. Our behaviors reflect our past. The way we view ourselves & the world around us is forever changed when we experience childhood trauma.
Most important to understand is that childhood trauma doesn’t just look like severe abuse, neglect, & assault. Emotional neglect & abuse are so common in our society we just call it “normal.”
We have an entire society of adults living these consequences.
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Many mothers have unresolved trauma and arrested development, so their daughter becomes an extension of themselves.
When we're raised this way our mother is hyper-focused on: our appearance, our relationships, the way we speak, and what others think of us.
She becomes our cheerleader and at the same time, a bully.
She can brag about us in public, and be highly critical in private. She can show us love and affection and remove it any and every time we disappoint her.
Some men grow up having to be a companion to their mother.
They're seen as "mama's boys" but something deeper is going on...
This is called enmeshment.
Mother son enmeshment is when a son fills the role for his mother that a partner would fill. This begins because the mother is in an emotionally neglectful relationship or feels isolated and alone.
Her son becomes the person to meet her needs.
She tells him everything and over-relies on him, so he grows up without developing autonomy.
He lacks the ability to understand his own emotions, desires, and opinions.
At narcissist is someone who lives an alternate reality within their own mind.
They have an intense and vivid imagination where they create a different version of themselves.
The truth about narcissism:
Narcissists typically had a very difficult, chaotic, smothering, or emotionally neglectful childhood where they had to create an imaginary world that made living feel safe.
Anything that conflicts with the reality in their own mind becomes a threat.
Anyone who points out flaws within themselves ultimately will become an enemy.
Manipulation is the only way some people know how to get their needs met.
It's not personal, it's a lack of capacity.
How To Deal with Manipulation:
Manipulation is an attempt to control reality.
When someone is being manipulative they're trying to control other people's behavior, emotions, or perception.
Ways people manipulate:
- Gaslighting: makes you question your own memory and feelings, denies your reality
- Guilt-Tripping: makes you feel responsible for their emotional state
- Love bombing: showering with affection or attention to gain control
An emotionally unavailable partner slowly puts your body into survival mode.
Here's Why:
When someone's emotionally unavailable, you can feel completely alone in the relationship. You're trying to connect, trying to find middle ground, or trying to "get" them, but they push you away every time.
You crave depth, being seen, and vulnerability, and they crave distraction, avoidance, and solitude.
They things get difficult, their first instinct is to leave or shut down.