Childhood trauma is “invisible” but it’s always present in the nervous system.
It’s common for someone to say “I don’t have childhood trauma” but their bodies & behaviors tell a different story (🧵)
Do you wince or feel anxious when someone walks into a room? Do you want to connect with someone but cannot trust that they actually love you? Do you lack communication skills & immediately lash out or shut down?
Do you have beliefs like “I don’t matter” “no one cares what I have to say?” When you’re hurt do you struggle to regulate your emotions or even know what you actually feel?
Have you spent a majority of your adult life people pleasing or achieving to get love, validation, or approval? And now you wonder who you even are or why you feel so empty?
Our body doesn’t forget. Our behaviors reflect our past. The way we view ourselves & the world around us is forever changed when we experience childhood trauma.
Most important to understand is that childhood trauma doesn’t just look like severe abuse, neglect, & assault. Emotional neglect & abuse are so common in our society we just call it “normal.”
We have an entire society of adults living these consequences.
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If you were “mature for their age” you might have been parentified. Parentification is when a child is made to fill an adult role.
This is an “invisible” trauma that has life long impact.
HERE’S WHY: 🧵
Parentification is an extremely common family dynamic where children are expected to: manage their parents emotions or issues (most common is marital problems), take care of the home & siblings on a regular basis, or act as a peer to a parent.
Many parents aren’t aware they’re doing this for several reasons:
1. They were parentified themselves
2. They’re overwhelmed & lack support
3. They don’t know/understand the language & culture so they depend on their children
In relationships that end, one thing is always lacking:
Appreciation.
WHY APPRECIATION MATTERS:
Most people grew up in homes where their talents, traits, and unique quirks went unseen or unnoticed. This leaves people with an even deeper desire to be seen and appreciated by their partner.
In partnership, people have subconscious beliefs around what a partner should do. Ex: "provide."
But what every person is looking for is: someone genuinely who appreciates who they are.
They can: stand up for themselves, express their feelings, and are capable of being misunderstood.
Because their main goal is not to people please, they are skilled communicators who respectfully get to the point. People around them feel safe because they do not give mix messages.
The parentified son believes his role is to keep everyone around him happy. But inside he's drowning in doubt and wonders if he'll ever meet someone who appreciates him for who he is, not what he can do for them.
The parentified son was the "little man" of the house when he was just a child. He felt the weight of his mother's stress and stopped showing any fear or sadness because she looked to him to comfort her. He still feels he's responsible for her life choices.
The parentified son is filled with anger from his childhood emotional neglect. It comes out when he snaps at his partner or his children who walk on eggshells around him. He hates how he reacts, but no one ever taught him to regulate his emotions.
The end result of childhood trauma is: an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
You think you need to fix everyone and everything.
Here's How To Break Free:
Growing up in a chaotic, unstable, or unpredictable environment creates a core belief that we have to fix everything and everyone around us.
We learn early that we have to depend on ourselves. And that if we somehow become everything to everyone (or "easy" enough) we'll get the stability we have always craved.