Thread by @Doomwatch9

Queen Liz and the enormous Pie!

(A story in far too many tweets)

Once upon a time there was a lady who believed she was Queen.

#ToryConference #ToryCorruption #ToryCostOfGreedCrisis #ToryCriminalsUnfitToGovern
#LizTruss #kwasibudget

Her name was Queen Liz (which was unfortunate) and she spoke with her ministers and told them she had a great idea.

“I have a great idea!” she said, “We are going to get all the peasants to work on an enormous pie!”, “Hooray!!!” they all shouted especially Jacob, the minister for considering people peasants.

So they issued a decree “We will grow an enormous Pie and you will all get some, the bigger the pie, the bigger your piece!”, and the peasants fearing that they would starve brought the goods to make the pie.

They kneaded and rolled the pastry, tonnes and (sorry) tons of pastry, they worked so hard that many became ill and died. But still they worked on the pie. As time went by and the pie got bigger the Queen started to get angry that it wasn’t growing big enough.

“You obviously have it too easy! I’m going to stop handing you anything to live on until the pie is finished!” she said, her arms moving out of time with her shouting.

“We will starve your majesty!” they pleaded, “You sound like some kind of anti-pie coalition, make the pie, there will be some for you!”.

So they toiled, and fell sick and were ignored but they still carried on. Then one day the pie was finished and the peasants who could still stand stood back and looked at it. “Now all we have to do is move it down to the docks, it will take all of you to carry it!” she ordered.

The peasants struggled with the pie while the Queen and her ministers looked on from the palace. After much struggle and more lost peasants the pie finally arrived at the docks. It was so huge it would only just fit.

“This truly is an enormous pie!” said the Queen, and her ministers all agreed. The Queen walked down to the dockside to a group of rich merchants who had gathered there at the news of the pie.

“Do you remember our deal?” said the Queen, “For making me Queen I made you a pie, but the peasants get some crumbs”.

“We do!” they said and they floated the pie away to a far distant island where no one would ever eat it.

All that remained on the docks were some crumbs, the same sized crumbs that would fall from a normal small pie.

A lone peasant who had waited looked down at a tiny crumb, she reached down through the pain of her near broken back and picked it up on the end of her finger.

She didn't have the strength to eat it and cried.

As the Queen walked away laughing with her minister she said “See! I told you I would grow the pie, they said it couldn’t be done!” and they all laughed again, especially Jacob who no longer had any peasants to consider.

The End

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