Thread by @julesbuddle

Yesterday, I was accused of belittling a serious mental health disorder by saying I was “a little OCD”. This person, who doesn’t know me, suggested what I really suffered with was merely an obsessiveness to be tidy.

A thread/

Whilst I don’t feel I need to justify myself to anyone, it did make me think more about how we judge people from our interactions on social media when we don’t really know them at all.

So as it’s #WorldMentalHealthDay I wanted to say…

Hi, I’m Jules & I suffer from high functioning anxiety.

If you don’t know what that entails, this article explains perfectly how I feel every single day: verywellmind.com/what-is-high-f…

The only point I disagree with is eye contact. I do always make eye contact when I talk to someone.

But the rest is true.

I find it difficult to adjust when plans I’ve made have to change.

I hate to be late & always get everywhere far too early. Races are a particular stress because I know they’ll be busy so I worry about parking, getting to the loo & starting the race on time.

I worry about letting people down. I apologise to friends for not having met up with them in a while because I think they’ll think I’ve fallen out with them.

I find it hard to say no (even to things I genuinely don’t want to do) again, for fear of letting someone down.

I find applying for promotions difficult because I’m convinced I’m not good enough - there must be loads of people better than me.

I convince myself I’m not a good paramedic because I should’ve done this or should’ve done that (I’ve never done anything wrong at work).

I worry about things I’ve said. Did I offend someone? Should I have tweeted that? What must they think of me? They must hate me now. I’ll apologise next time I see them.

And, of course, it’s never needed, it was just me, overthinking as usual.

I tell myself people don’t really like me, they just say they do. When I’ve been involved in a conversation & walk out of the room, I’m convinced people will be saying how weird or stupid I am.

When I want to do something for myself, like going on holiday on my own, I’m being selfish. Maybe I shouldn’t go? But I want to. I have an internal battle with myself.

I suffer hugely from imposter syndrome. Most recently in terms of the book stuff I get involved in. Why have they asked me? They want me to do that? Really?! There’s better people, surely?!

I have a high sensitivity trait which causes me to have an overriding empathy for others. I am riddled with guilt about my good life & how fortunate I am.

If my partner doesn’t call me or respond to a text for ages, has something happened to him? Is he in a ditch, a car accident? What if someone told him something about me he didn’t like? Does he still love me? (These are some of the most irrational thoughts I have!)

I like to keep physically fit, but my running is also about processing all this stuff in my head. I usually feel better for it & will often sleep better when I’ve had the opportunity to clear my head. Otherwise my thoughts often keep me awake.

This is only a fraction of my thoughts & it’s constant. All these things, and many more, go through my head 24/7.

But as the article above says, for all my anxieties & insecurities, I continue to propel myself forward because if I didn’t, it’d just all be a whole lot worse.

As part of this, when someone is negative towards me, I take it to heart & dwell on it for days. And it’s even worse if I genuinely did do something to deserve the negativity.

Although I can spend hours, sometimes days, worrying over something completely insignificant, ultimately having high functioning anxiety is what’s lead me to be the person I am today.

Always remember that mental health isn’t necessarily something we can physically see or show. Many people may look at me & think “she’s got her shit together” & they couldn’t be more wrong!

I guess, finally, the moral of this tweet is, before accusing someone of belittling something you think they can’t possibly understand, maybe consider that they just didn’t tell anyone about it (that’s what high functioning anxiety sufferers do).

Always be kind ❤️