Thread by @Farida_N

The structure of families in Africa are completely different from the Eurocentric version we are taught in colonial school.
In #Togo for most ethnic groups, the word cousin doesn’t exist at all. The paternal cousins are our siblings and the maternal ones are our uncles.

In our culture, siblings aren’t limited to the children of your parents. The children of your mother’s sisters and those of your father’s brothers are your siblings. Now all the males in your mother’s family are your uncles and all the females your father’s side are your aunts.

In many of these cultures, you only inherit from your mother’s brothers ( uncles) as it is believed that you can only guarantee the maternity of a child, not the paternity. Your mothers’ brothers are more legitimate than your father.

In my culture, weddings are strictly the affair of paternal aunts. Your father’s sisters meet with your fiancé’s fathers’ sisters. There is a saying that you must never offend your father’s sister or they will deal with you when it’s your turn to wed.

In our culture, the term aunts an uncles are very restrictive. Your mothers’ sisters aren’t your aunts: they are your mothers. Your fathers’ brothers aren’t your uncles, they are your fathers. Only your mom’s brothers are your uncles and your father’s sisters your aunts.

As a kid, after learning about family members taught based on the colonial curriculum, it took me years to understand our traditional family structure. I use to be offended when older nephews of my dad who were old enough to father me call me : my aunt. I couldn’t get it.

The beauty of this family structure is that respectability isn’t defined by age. Your “nephews”, technically the children of all your father’s sisters will call you aunty and will bow to greet you even if you are only 5 years old. And you do the same to your mom’s brothers’ kids.

In my culture, before the colonial era, last names didn’t exist. You only have a first name in your mother’s ethnic language and it is based on rank. If you’re the first, second, third male or female etc. From your name, one can tell your mother’s tribe which is your real family.

The reason why mothers name children and your identity is tied to that of your mother is to ensure you inherit from her male siblings and also protect you from shame if eventually you find out at an adult age that your father isn’t your biological one.

Because of colonialism, the newly imposed last names have led to several family connections being lost. My father and his siblings all have different last names and same for my mom and her siblings.

In the colonial era, administrative documents required last names which we didn’t have as we identify based on the clan. Colonial administrators without properly explaining last names would ask people for their father grandfather’s name and assigned that as their last name.

As a result of this, my mom’s last name is her grand father’s first name and some of her siblings are their father’s first name. Same for my father who of all the 12 siblings, only two adopted their grandfather’s first name as a last name. The others bear their father’s.

When my father’s started having his children, he added Bemba to our names which is the name of our clan so we don’t loose our root. We’re called the Bemba which should have actually been our last name if only the colonizers explained to our grandparents the meaning of last names

Last names forced upon us during colonialism continue to cause family problems till day as now the children of the same parents end up having different last names and inheritance becomes contentious as some children are seen as not being legitimate.

I have an uncle whose last name is Labison. I couldn’t understand why he would have what I thought was a British name. Then my dad explained to me that when his father was asked to provide a last name to register his birth, he ironically said :Binlabisõ (continue 🧵 )

Binlabisõ is derogatory. My uncles dad was telling the colonial administrator in our language that “ it is those that like you people that enable you” or in simple jargon “it is not your fault”. That was miswritten on his son’s birth certificate and became his last name: Labison