Thread by @DentesLeo

How to never let anyone intimidate you.

A thread to stand up for yourself.

My parents raised me in a cotton cocoon.

I was the center of their world, I lived protected from outside dangers and all my desires were fulfilled.

In elementary school, I was taken care of very early by the educational team because the school belonged to friends of the family.

In middle school it was a different story.

For the first time in my life, I had to face the brutality of the world.

Being the new kid on the block, the other kids naturally tested my ability to respond to provocation, I took my first beating and had to endure repeated bullying.

I have always been a logical person, so I looked for a rational solution to my problem:

Against physical harassment, after learning that I was getting beaten up at school, my father very soon decided that it was time for me to learn how to fight.

So he enrolled me in a judo club and explained this to me:

If you get hit, you fight back.

Even if you get hit, if you defend yourself systematically, you will become a difficult target.

Bullies don't like to mess with difficult people.

This solved part of the problem, but not all.

There were still intimidation attempts.

A completely psychological game this time.

Bullying doesn't stop at school. It continues in the work environment and in social life.

For this, there are techniques:

I've tried them all myself, to the point where I don't need them anymore because of my physical stature and the aura I give off.

It is an exercise to be practiced continuously until people don't even dare to address you with anything other than deference and respect.

Read below

When someone tries to intimidate you, it is most often to get something from you.

To get you to agree to a request you would not otherwise agree to.

In this thread, I will share with you 4 tips to get out of such a situation

1 - Identify intimidation.

You may not always recognize bullying directly when you are experiencing it because bullying can take many different forms.

It can also be quite insidious and you may mistake it for insistence or pressure you put on yourself.
This is why it is important to learn to recognise bullying when you experience it.

A simple rule:

🔽

If you feel pressure to do something you don't want to do and you feel that your physical or psychological integrity is at stake or that there is a form of blackmail, which could harm you, if you refuse it is bullying.

Keep reading.

2 - Hold the line.

This advice aims to defuse the situation by trying to make your interlocutor understand that you are not going to get into the dance with them.

You refuse to take part in the intimidation game and for this, I advise you to put a stop to it directly.

You must make it clear that they is overstepping the mark.

Give yourself an out so that you can more easily dismiss the person by saying that you will think about it.

In addition, you are gaining perspective on the situation.

You show that you are perfectly aware of the little trick your interlocutor is playing.

This technique is based on a simple psychological principle:

The more you show that you are prepared to defend yourself, the less likely you are to be attacked.

It is important not to let yourself be pushed around and to set limits.

Any embarrassment you might have felt is transferred directly to his shoulders, or at least shared between you.

Very often, this is enough to discourage this person from doing it again.

3 - Take people to task

One of the conditions of success of an intimidation attempt is to isolate the victim.

It is not by chance that the Internet is the place where intimidation or harassment attempts are most numerous.

This is because the victims are often isolated and the aggressors anonymous, unlike in a public place.

Therefore, in a real bullying situation, you should take someone around you to task, when the environment allows it.

You should not isolate yourself.

4 - Control your reaction.

When you feel pressure, your body will send out a range of cues that betray your intimidation.

You must make an active effort to control these parameters.

- The first thing is your posture: You should automatically put yourself at the same level as the aggressor.

If you are sitting, he is standing, stand up.

This is already a first indication that you are not prepared to let the attacker do anything to you.

There is also a tendency to stiffen or even freeze and become immobilised. To avoid this, take some space.

Try to imagine an area around you that corresponds to your span with your arms open.

This area is yours. Occupy it and try not to be too anchored to the ground.

- The second thing is your voice: When you are in an unfair situation, such as being bullied, you may feel scared or angry and this manifests itself in your voice.

We rush, it's jerky and our emotions get mixed up in our diction and do us a total disservice.

This is why you need to make an effort to control your speech rate.

To summarise: Focus on your breathing, your voice should come from your rib cage.

Use a descending intonation.

A declarative sentence should always end with a falling intonation otherwise it sounds like a question.

This would put you in a demanding situation.

This is something to be avoided in general, but not to pay attention to it in such a situation is to make yourself even more vulnerable and to give yourself a beating.

Because every little signal of distress from you will galvanise your abuser and strengthen him or her in their approach.

Since you read this far, I need to reward your exceptional attention span.

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