Gals and ghouls, it is finally time for unhinged Victorian greeting cards, Halloween edition.

As usual, we start with highlights.

Vengeful jack-o-lanterns
A produce caravan
A pumpkin man contemplating cannibalism and mortality
Now as you may know, Halloween has roots in the ancient Gaelic festival of Samhain. It marks the end of the harvest season, & is thought to be when the when the boundary between this world and the otherworld thinned, allowing the spirits of forgotten produce to re-enter our world
Every jack-o-lantern left to rot, every vegetable that went bad before you had a chance to eat it—this is the time of year when their souls walk the earth again.
And what do they do when here?
Some come seeking romance, courting both humans and fellow gourds.
Others for dancing and merriment
Having rarely ventured out far into the world during their lives, many are overcome with a deep wanderlust. And so, using whatever means of transportation is at their disposal—be it automobile, hot air balloon, or cat—they gleefully ride off into the night to explore
Surprisingly popular is hot air balloon, as both rider, and balloon. (Yes, of course some can fly)
Others prefer to go with the more traditional method of the season, the broomstick
If unable to secure their own means of transportation, some will allow themselves to become the vehicles. It’s still a great way to see the world. (This of course is where our famous gourd-car seen in the first post comes from)
Not all come with such pure intentions. Some return seeking vengeance on those who left them out on the porch to rot.
And so we leave offerings of food and drink, to appease these restless spirits. (This is where where we get trick-or-treating from)
Samhain is also the time of the crone (part of the triple goddess). The Goddess as Crone ruled autumnal harvest festivals and so she watches over all the pumpkin spirits.
And what of the devil? Yes, even produce faces judgement. Anything with a soul does. Those who are not pure of heart are strung up and paraded around as jack-o-lanterns once again in death.
Time for a brief interlude.

Ahhh yes, of course, the great Halloween fence.
Now where were we?
Here, have some more deeply cursed cards.
Halloween is a magical time, filled with uncertainty, hope, despair, happiness, and acorns.
Halloween is a time for play…
For tricks and treats…
For romance…
For spooks and scares…
But most importantly, Halloween is a time to get a butter knife and gleefully saw through your fellow pumpkin-man’s head as a crowd of your peers watches and cheers.
Happy Halloween one and all
P.S. Yes, The Great Pumpkin is real. He is a mighty God-king, and he expects both your worship and fealty.

It is in your best interest not to disappoint him.

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More from @LaurynIpsum

Feb 14
Alright my darlings, it’s time.
Time for this next installment of Unhinged Victorian Greeting Cards: VALENTINE’S DAY EDITION. ❤️

Let’s start with some tamer ones.

Previously featured fish and leek
Cannibal cottage
Sentient boots (ft. straw and coins)
As already covered, the lack of environmental regulations at the time meant toxic chemicals would leech into the food supply, bringing them to life.

Cursed with the knowledge that they could end up on the dinner table any day, Victorian era produce loved hard and fast.
Similar sentience issue were occasionally reported in regards to the alcohol supply, however, given the fact that these reports were almost always followed with slurred proclamations of “IM NOT EVEN THAT DRUNK”, the validity of these claims remain suspect.
Read 18 tweets
Jan 22
Harley Quinn is either a psychologist or a psychiatrist. The former requires a PhD or PsyD, and the latter requires an MD.

Everyone keeps saying “why not both” which is absolutely missing the point. These are two different jobs, both of which require EXTENSIVE schooling and further training to be able to practice.

The whole reason some shows say psychiatrist and some say PhD is sloppy writing.
Read 12 tweets
Dec 31, 2021
New Years is fast approaching, & so it’s time for a new round of unholy Victorian era holiday cards—New Years edition! 🎉

We start as always with the least logical.

This dandy root man, and a half man, half robin—cursed with human arms leaving him unable to fly.

Buckle up.
As Christmas time wrapped up, the previously discussed sentient snow men became less violent and more melancholy. They knew their time would be up soon.

These two snow parents didn’t have the heart to tell their poor doomed snow child of their impending fate.

But they knew.
Santa would leave town and venture back to his hidden shack, deep in the woods. He knew that if he stayed around past Christmas Day, he ran the risk of being attacked by greedy children wanting more gifts.

This eventually led to him moving to the North Pole for year round safety
Read 17 tweets
Dec 30, 2021
I’m happy to report I’m feeling infinitely more like a human today. I’m still having mild chest pain, congestion, and some light headedness. I haven’t actually tried any extensive walking yet, and I canceled both PT apts for this week, but I’m hoping to start again next week. 🤞
My resting heart rate doesn’t seem to have changed much, but I was already on medication to control my heart rate prior to the infection. (Still high for a normal person but lower than it was before the medication)

No clue what my walking and exercising HR will be like
I would honestly be surprised if I’m able to go right back to my normal exercise level for physical therapy next week.

My throat feels 1000x better than it did this time last week, but talking to my dad on the phone for ten minutes did start feeling rough at the end of the convo
Read 6 tweets
Dec 27, 2021
I think we have a serious misunderstanding of what mild means in relation to Covid. Remember, mild just means you don’t need to be hospitalized/it isn’t going to kill you. I have “mild” Covid and have been coughing up bloody phlegm for days.
I’m so sick of people acting like it’s just going to be a bad cold because of the vaccine. I’m vaccinated and boosted. It MIGHT be a bad cold for you. It might also be the sickest you’ve ever been in your life.
For two years I’ve had people treat me like I’ve been overreacting because of how cautious I’ve been. I’ve basically given up entirely on trying to tell friends when they are exhibiting outrageously dangerous behavior, because they’d just get mad and gave me shit for it.
Read 16 tweets
Dec 26, 2021
It’s Christmas Day!! It’s time to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. It’s the thing that I think we forget due to its commercialization:


And with that, I bring you another round of cursed Victorian Christmas cards! 🎄
As mentioned in the previous thread, food coming to life was a common issue. The disposition of your dinner could vary greatly. Sometimes it was jolly and just wanted to dance and spread holiday cheer!
But more often than not, it wanted revenge. This last card shows one particularly brave slab of meat(?) being nighted after defeating a family of fifteen! Animals were known to join & fight on the side of Christmas dinner, knowing they could be the next dinner if they didn’t act.
Read 20 tweets

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