Thread by @KurtisHanni

21 lessons I learned from 10 years of marriage:

(because I couldn’t stop at 10)

1. Never stop dating your spouse. Make it the one unmissable event in your calendar. We need to do better at this and this is my commitment to do that.

2. Never speak poorly of your spouse behind their back. You are sowing the seeds of discontent that will eventually be the groundwork towards your exit plan.

3. Don’t let the “d word” enter your vocabulary - divorce. Once it’s there, it never leaves.

4. Pray and read the Bible together. There is no deeper intimacy than this.

5. Love them the way they want to be loved. If you don’t know their “language,” read the 5 Love Languages book.

6. Always believe the best about their intentions. You married them for a reason, so why assume they’re out to get you?

7. If you think something mean, keep your mouth shut.

8. If you think something nice, tell them immediately and boldly.

9. Listen to understand instead of listening to talk.

10. Communicate, communicate, communicate. That’s it. Communicate.

11. Don’t put off the hard conversations. You each know it’s there so address it. A pause is fine, but procrastination is not. (Ephesians 4:26)

12. Set individual and family vision, values, and goals.

Reflect on them every year.

Then, quit fighting for your goals and start fighting for theirs… you’ll go further that way.

13. Schedule a weekly check-in to go over your money, goals, meals, headspace, and schedule for the week.

Make it a treat (wine, food, etc) and incorporate some fun (whatever you think this means, you’re right).

14. Talk money early and often. The longer you wait to tackle the monster, the harder it is to control.

Money problems are the #1 reason for divorce. Take it seriously.

15. Keep your friends and keep your space. Time away frees your mind and makes you long to be back.

16. When you’re home, be home. Put away the work and be present with your family. If you aren’t, the work may be all you have.

17. When times get tough, remember what all you’ve already been for. Then bear down and fight for the relationship. It’s worth it.

18. Everyone has meltdowns. Instead of telling them to get over it, be the rock they need.

19. Fights will happen, but always fight fair.

20. Apologize quickly. You both know what you did. Admit it and get back to the real issue.

21. Forgive quickly. Staying mad takes more energy than moving on.

BONUS: share your calendar with your spouse and set up a shared calendar for anything you're doing together.

It allows each partner to add things that matter to them and helps avoid miscommunication.

Thank you for reading!

A marriage is built by daily intentional action.

A good marriage is the best "like hack" out there.

Till next time,
-Kurtis