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Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Nov 11

"Hakan, who had never really seen the value of good education, announced he was dropping out of university & had no intention of going back to that useless cowshed. Overnight, to the chagrin of his parents, he ended his student days, his mind sealed before it had been opened. 1/

They could see in his eyes how much he abhorred his life & those whom he held responsible for its misery. Many days a month, Hakan would come home solely to fill his stomach, change his clothes & catch some sleep.

As directionless as a balloon in the wind, he tried his hand at several jobs without success--until he found a cause through a set of friends he called Brothers.

Read 9 tweets

Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Nov 11

‘She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
1/

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else,
,

Read 6 tweets

Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Nov 11

My first mistake was not backing-in to the “Reserved for Veterans” parking spot, displayed outside Home Depot. Everybody knows “real veterans” back into their parking spaces, I thought as I saw the grumpy-looking old man put his cart away with a bang and march toward me. 1/

My second mistake was shifting my frazzled, whining toddler out of her car seat and onto my hip.

“This is not the day, my dude,” I muttered as he approached. I knew he would give me the what-for: parking was reserved for VETERANS, not their wives.

And I was an Army wife. Part of the reason the toddler and I were so frazzled was because Daddy was deployed, again, to war in his role as a special operations helicopter pilot.

Read 24 tweets

Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Nov 2

Them: What's the definition of cult?
Me: Doesn't matter, focus on areas with potential for toxic control instead.
Them: How?
Me: Let's play a game.

1/

Here's how a survey of "cultiness", would work for your organization, without a specific definition of "cult" (gasp!)

1) Does your organization's leader share a list of books they love (this can be great)

2) Is the unwritten rule that everyone should be reading something on this list at any given time? (this can start paving the way for toxic control)

Read 10 tweets

Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Nov 2

It's fascinating to keep hearing about the "recruiting and retention problems" the US military is facing. I've heard it blamed on just about every factor except the one thing that actually matters--the CULTURE of your organization and the way you treat your people.

1/

For decades, we have been telling the #military why it's losing it's "best people" (their words, never ours). And the reason is the organization (let's call it the DOD here, the world's largest organization) never listens to its new people. And here's what's key, NEW PEOPLE.

It only takes 6 months to a year for someone to be so inundated in your culture, that they no longer even notice the problems they saw when they first came in. It can be even shorter, 6-8 weeks, in high-control/high-demand orgs (militaries, prisons, start-ups, restaurants, etc).

Read 13 tweets

Daniella Mestyanek Young

@daniellamyoung

Jan 6

Last year, I had a fully developed idea for a book. It was my true life story, but also taking a critical look at how we behave in groups.

Because it was about a religious cult & the beloved US Army, nobody wanted to touch it.

A year ago, on Jan 6, that all changed.

🧵

On that day, as we watched a mob of insurrectionists storm the Capitol, a group of people stuck in groups that are so insular, with their toxic patriotism run so awry, that they really thought they were committing domestic terrorism for ‘Merica.’

And we watched, those of us who are veterans, the very obvious signs that an outsized number of the terrorists involved were US military veterans.

I knew then my book would sell, because I knew that America was experiencing their ‘crack in the brainwashing’.

Read 11 tweets

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