I’ve thought a lot about how, in November 2016, I approached election day elated that a woman had made it so far, but with a sinking feeling of who would win the day. 🧵 I remember being creeped out by Donald Trump from the very beginning; every time I heard his voice or saw his face, I’d get that sick "creepy Uncle" feeling in the pit of my stomach .

The thing about extremism is that it appeals to people. All of my life, ever since escaping the clutches of The Children of God sex cult, people have asked me how it could have gotten so bad?

A 🧵 How could people ever have been duped enough to follow that man and do those horrible things. And after pondering this question in various stages for nearly 20 years, here is what I’ve determined.

Hey, “good FGAs” (Uncles/Aunties) you want to attack MY friends, your children, who are only trying to survive and understand the almost inconceivable amounts of trauma you put them through by raising them in the world’s most notorious religious sex cult?

A fucking thread… As we say in the United States Army, “I got you”.

I used your cult names in my book as an undeserved overflow of kindness toward you, because I’m a nice person—in spite of how you broke me. I’m more than happy to start dropping full, legal names with my big megaphone.

"Hakan, who had never really seen the value of good education, announced he was dropping out of university & had no intention of going back to that useless cowshed. Overnight, to the chagrin of his parents, he ended his student days, his mind sealed before it had been opened. 1/ They could see in his eyes how much he abhorred his life & those whom he held responsible for its misery. Many days a month, Hakan would come home solely to fill his stomach, change his clothes & catch some sleep.

‘She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
1/ When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

My first mistake was not backing-in to the “Reserved for Veterans” parking spot, displayed outside Home Depot. Everybody knows “real veterans” back into their parking spaces, I thought as I saw the grumpy-looking old man put his cart away with a bang and march toward me. 1/ My second mistake was shifting my frazzled, whining toddler out of her car seat and onto my hip.

“This is not the day, my dude,” I muttered as he approached. I knew he would give me the what-for: parking was reserved for VETERANS, not their wives.

I was today years old when I learned that the scholar who defined the term “cognitive dissonance” did so after successfully predicting that many members of a doomsday cult would double down on their beliefs after a predicted apocalypse failed to occur. He theorized that those who have not made a strong commitment to the prophecy with quietly lose their face, well, those that I’m giving away all their possessions would double down on the belief, no matter what.

Them: What's the definition of cult?
Me: Doesn't matter, focus on areas with potential for toxic control instead.
Them: How?
Me: Let's play a game.

1/ Here's how a survey of "cultiness", would work for your organization, without a specific definition of "cult" (gasp!)

1) Does your organization's leader share a list of books they love (this can be great)

It's fascinating to keep hearing about the "recruiting and retention problems" the US military is facing. I've heard it blamed on just about every factor except the one thing that actually matters--the CULTURE of your organization and the way you treat your people.

1/ For decades, we have been telling the #military why it's losing it's "best people" (their words, never ours). And the reason is the organization (let's call it the DOD here, the world's largest organization) never listens to its new people. And here's what's key, NEW PEOPLE.

Last year, I had a fully developed idea for a book. It was my true life story, but also taking a critical look at how we behave in groups.

Because it was about a religious cult & the beloved US Army, nobody wanted to touch it.

A year ago, on Jan 6, that all changed.

🧵 On that day, as we watched a mob of insurrectionists storm the Capitol, a group of people stuck in groups that are so insular, with their toxic patriotism run so awry, that they really thought they were committing domestic terrorism for ‘Merica.’

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful humans out there working hard to be equal parents.
Today, I’ll tell you about how I had to train my husband to be a parent, because society never did.
Welcome to Coffee and Culture, a 🧵 I met my husband in Afghanistan, (I know, I know, war is not a time for ‘Deployment Boos’, we were told), and we were immediately a great team from the start—which was good, because we went through the ringer to have our relationship.

"And, on deployment, what were my options really, for friends, for companions? For anyone who would listen to me? I had almost no overlap in my day to hang out with other women, & we had to worry about being accused as 'dykes' The 'good guys' wouldn’t dare to be my friend—it was too dangerous.

Welcome back to Coffee & Culture & even though I'm a veteran who now longer drinks coffee (I know, can't be trusted) for todays' lead up to the Army Birthday, I think we shall discuss PTSD, C-PTSD & how important it is to take, & talk out loud about, mental health days. Before I talk about my own PTSD struggles, let me brag on my husband for a bit (it's our anniversary--yes, we married on Army Birthday weekend because 4-day-weekend). He's a retired special operations helicopter pilot (SOAR) & generally the guy everyone can agree is the coolest.

Hello Twitter Fam, welcome to today's Coffee & Culture (but with black tea).

Today, we will talk about how to comment on someone's photos online--without being a creep. No, it's not impossible, but yes, it might require you to stop & change patterns of behavior.

#dontbeacreep The first thing we should establish is that this is mostly a male problem. Sorry, but not really, it's true. In fact, a great way to learn how to act with women online is to watch the way other women interact. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it's rare.

In intelligence, we all understood that in a counter-insurgency fight it was important to gain the trust of the people. 🧵 It was becoming increasingly obvious in Afghanistan, that it meant we needed to have women on hand when we busted in the doors of conservative Muslim homes—families who didn’t allow men to look at, much less cordon and search, their women.

Hey Y'all, gonna step out of my regular programming today, to talk about this new @MilitaryTimes article on extremism in the military.

I can do what no other intelligence professional can--give you inside information on Maj William Jeffery Poole because I'm his ex-wife. The moment I opened my email this February, expecting to see another request to cooperate in the clearance update for my ex-husband, & instead saw a request to cooperate in a military tribunal against him--for white supremacy--it all made sense.

I didn't forget about your Sunday Coffee and Culture, it's just that we're going into Memorial Day Weekend, & I'm a combat veteran, so this week's thread hits hard.

"Celebrating Memorial Day"

My birthday weekend is Memorial Day weekend—which means nothing... growing up abroad, but in US HS you’ll learn quickly that you can’t have a birthday party—because everyone is travelling with their families for the holiday.

Today, we’ll have a little thread about language, culture change, male-norm thinking and how those things are connected when we think about marginalized groups and the culture that keeps them that way. Welcome to Coffee & Culture. ☕️🧵 I got up in front of the room of women, all eyes locked on me, the witch under the spotlight. Not kidding, I was literally dressed like a witch.

Welcome to Coffee & Culture. Today, I'll tell you a war story.
In this story, men & women are together in combat, deliberately, for one of the first times, & we have to negotiate our roles in a job that nobody prepared us for.

The Only Woman on the Sand 🧵 The noise of two giant Army helicopters taking off is deafening. The silence, after you & 25 of your closest colleagues have jumped off the back and they’ve taken off, leaving you alone and stranded just outside an Afghan village, is sobering.

There is an "equal need for developing a sense of the generic features of these groups (terrorists, cults) & the processes of radicalization. Generalizations drawn from enlightened comparative analyses, involving multiple researchers from multiple fields of expertise...🧵 are required to cast real light on this subject...At present...much of the research on radicalization is too geared to the generation of lists 'indicators' & 'signatures' to assist in the prevention & punishment of terrorists. We need more extended, complicated, sophisticated...

This is a wonderful graphic for those of us studying or leading organizational change efforts, & if you haven't heard of John Kotter and his work, check it out. "People often try to transform organizations by undertaking only steps 5, 6, & 7, especially if it appears that a single decision will produce most of the needed change. Or they race through steps without ever finishing the job.