Thread by @iron_eliza

🧵Dear fellow clears, especially fellow WW, I have a few things to say to us. Note these are things I continuously have to remind myself, too. I’m saying it for me as well as you & am going to use myself as the example here:

Let Black ppl, especially Black women, be human. 1/

First & foremost, I ask you to please take just a moment to read this article in it’s entirety, it’s such an important skill for being human & letting others be human: psychcentral.com/health/circle-… /2

Second, please stick with me & watch this 2 minute video—I promise it’s worth it:

https://twitter.com/bbcbitesize/status/1280522349733982209?s=46&t=WeXHXyGmSICQoM3-XtC7Vg

/3

Like many/most of you reading this, I went ALL IN on #GOTV for these vital midterms. To the point of neglecting other aspects of my life & the exhaustion is *real.* When I saw how my own demographic voted I wanted to yeet those women into the SUN… /4

Which leads me to:

a.) Does it hurt my feelings listening to BW dunk on WW? Yeah, I’m human. I have feels & it sucks to know my demographic (INCLUDING ME) has fucked up for so long I may never do enough for BW to fully trust me.

b.) BW are human! I can’t control my feels…
/5

(b. Cont.) …BUT I can control my actions!!! I *CHOOSE* to pause w/my feels, step away, & process in some way that uses “grief ring theory” (tweet #2 of this 🧵). *I AM NOT AT THE CENTER OF THIS PAIN.* Black ppl, & especially BW, are in the center of this ring theory diagram. /6

Bc here’s the thing: I don’t know what it’s like to NEVER “blend in” w/yt ppl & “take a break” from racism. Nor to watch incessant misogynoir against exemplary candidates who look like me or my kids. I don’t know what it’s like to “WAIT while Black” for yt ppl to change. /7

When I say Black people are at the center of the grief ring, this is an *approximation* of what I mean. If you didn’t read tweet #2 of this 🧵, go back to it but basically BW as a group suffer the most from this system. They deserve not to do anyone ELSE’S emotional labor.

IMPORTANT ASIDE: if you are now gearing up your argument over why you, personally, have had it as hard as the DEMOGRAPHIC of Black women & deserve to be in the center ring, please read this: whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/str… /9

BW are the center, period. This means they deserve GRACE from us. If they act human & can’t bring themselves to give more chances to the demographic who has harmed them for *centuries,* we respect their boundaries even if it’s sad. We don’t dump our feels *in* at them. /10

I’m somewhat neurodivergent—like MANY here, I misread things. Instead of making excuses for my behavior & trying to push myself on others, *I* am responsible for teaching myself to do better: I recommend anything by Captain Awkward, such as this: captainawkward.com/2013/08/26/508… /11

Everyone matters & everyone has feels & YES that includes you… but if you want to help instead of harm, teach yourself to dump *out* instead of *in.* There are so many WW on this same journey who make good sounding boards. Learning NOT to center yourself w/Black ppl is key. /12

This means even if you get your feelings hurt or discover someone’s boundaries mean they don’t consider you trustworthy, you never stop fighting for them. You do your best to put yourself in Black ppl’s shoes (you won’t succeed but try anyway) & ACCEPT how they feel. /13

It means you let them VENT & don’t ask Black women to be superhuman—only saying things in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Have you always been in a good mood? Always expressed your feelings in a way that didn’t hurt anyone? Always specified “not you” when venting? 👀 /14

Finally—most Black ppl don’t mean “all” of us… but some of them do. Personally, I feel like the least I can do for someone w/that kind of trauma is to leave them the hell alone. /15

Update: Since this is taking off a little bit, I want to recommend @LeciaMichelle11’s book, “The White Allies Handbook” & to round it out by continuing to read as much on the topic as you can (“Me & White Supremacy” is another good place to start).

https://twitter.com/leciamichelle11/status/1553213379946450945

I also want to emphasize these points from the article I linked in tweet #2 from this 🧵⬆️ (there’s enough ads in the article it’s hard to tell where it actually ends & this is too important to miss):

Give Black ppl *UNCENSORED* opportunities to express their feelings.

P.S.—This @JohnAmaechi video is *ALSO* a must-watch. Consider giving him a follow! He really is phenomenal at distilling a concept we yt ppl tend to have trouble grasping into a short, simple video:

https://twitter.com/drericding/status/1291644038400086017