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My mother told us the reason she was institutionalized was because my father didn’t care for her “psychic dreams”. Examples of her dreams were the hideous monkeys that surrounder her as she woke up. She described in detail how she was paralyzed and how
My mother told us the reason she was institutionalized was because my father didn’t care for her “psychic dreams”. Examples of her dreams were the hideous monkeys that surrounder her as she woke up. She described in detail how she was paralyzed and how
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terrifying it was because she couldn’t fight the monkeys off. Another dream was of a scary woman with long flowing black hair that stood at the foot of her bed beckoning my mother to join her. Both of her experiences sound like sleep paralysis to me. A temporary inability to
terrifying it was because she couldn’t fight the monkeys off. Another dream was of a scary woman with long flowing black hair that stood at the foot of her bed beckoning my mother to join her. Both of her experiences sound like sleep paralysis to me. A temporary inability to
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move while falling asleep or waking up. It can last for a minute or two and can be very frightening. It’s very common. But based on everything I know about my mother and everything I’ve been told I believe my father and his mother had Joyce committed for harming me. Here’s why;
move while falling asleep or waking up. It can last for a minute or two and can be very frightening. It’s very common. But based on everything I know about my mother and everything I’ve been told I believe my father and his mother had Joyce committed for harming me. Here’s why;
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my mother would randomly throw out stuff she was thinking regardless of context. Out of nowhere she told me that when I was two years old my father was so angry with me for not asking if I could go in the pool before I jumped in that he threw me across the pool and my face hit
my mother would randomly throw out stuff she was thinking regardless of context. Out of nowhere she told me that when I was two years old my father was so angry with me for not asking if I could go in the pool before I jumped in that he threw me across the pool and my face hit
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the concrete edge thereby breaking my nose. The thing is, we lived in Philadelphia when I was two and there was no pool. Plus my father wasn’t physically violent, but she was. The last memory I have from Philadelphia was when my father picked me up from nursery school. I was
the concrete edge thereby breaking my nose. The thing is, we lived in Philadelphia when I was two and there was no pool. Plus my father wasn’t physically violent, but she was. The last memory I have from Philadelphia was when my father picked me up from nursery school. I was
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only in nursery school when my mother wasn’t there to watch me like later on when she was in the hospital giving birth. That means that my mother wasn’t around to take care of me in 1963. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car instead of riding shotgun like I usually
only in nursery school when my mother wasn’t there to watch me like later on when she was in the hospital giving birth. That means that my mother wasn’t around to take care of me in 1963. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car instead of riding shotgun like I usually
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did. There was someone sitting in the passenger seat but I didn’t really know her. She said, “The President was killed today.” It was November 22nd, 1963 and John Kennedy had just been shot. Being only three I didn’t know what a President was so I said nothing. The next thing I
did. There was someone sitting in the passenger seat but I didn’t really know her. She said, “The President was killed today.” It was November 22nd, 1963 and John Kennedy had just been shot. Being only three I didn’t know what a President was so I said nothing. The next thing I
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remember is being in the car because we were moving to Tousan, Arizona. In my later life my father had told me how he got my mother out of the psychiatric institution. She had told him she was falling in love with her doctor. My father never realized she was manipulating
remember is being in the car because we were moving to Tousan, Arizona. In my later life my father had told me how he got my mother out of the psychiatric institution. She had told him she was falling in love with her doctor. My father never realized she was manipulating
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him. He was filled with pride when he told that story. As if he was her knight in shining armor. My father went straight to her doctor’s office and threatened to throw the doctor out of his fifth story office window if he didn’t let my mother go home. She was promptly
him. He was filled with pride when he told that story. As if he was her knight in shining armor. My father went straight to her doctor’s office and threatened to throw the doctor out of his fifth story office window if he didn’t let my mother go home. She was promptly
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released. I guess because my dad was 6’6” tall and three hundred pounds he posed a significant threat. If you put it all together it means that she likely harmed me significantly enough for my grandmother to force my father to commit her. If I was two years old, as my mother
released. I guess because my dad was 6’6” tall and three hundred pounds he posed a significant threat. If you put it all together it means that she likely harmed me significantly enough for my grandmother to force my father to commit her. If I was two years old, as my mother
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had stated regarding my father and the pool, and when he picked me up from nursery school at age three and there was an unrecognizable figure in the front seat, it meant that it was my mother who was riding shotgun. I hadn’t seen her in a year and that’s why she was
had stated regarding my father and the pool, and when he picked me up from nursery school at age three and there was an unrecognizable figure in the front seat, it meant that it was my mother who was riding shotgun. I hadn’t seen her in a year and that’s why she was
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unrecognizable to me. I believe my mother was institutionalized when I was two, released a year later when I was three and then we immediately moved to Arizona so there would no longer be oversight when it came to her violence. I can’t think of any other reason we would have
unrecognizable to me. I believe my mother was institutionalized when I was two, released a year later when I was three and then we immediately moved to Arizona so there would no longer be oversight when it came to her violence. I can’t think of any other reason we would have
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moved to Tousan because my mother hates the heat and neither of my parents knew anyone there, nor did my father have any jobs lined up. She was escaping and he facilitated that. My mother was pregnant when we lived in Tucson. My parents were playing monopoly one day. My mother
moved to Tousan because my mother hates the heat and neither of my parents knew anyone there, nor did my father have any jobs lined up. She was escaping and he facilitated that. My mother was pregnant when we lived in Tucson. My parents were playing monopoly one day. My mother
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was near her due date. I remember the pale yellow bedspread on the bed they were playing on while I was in charge of handing them the little plastic houses and hotels. Suddenly my mother began hemorrhaging blood, saturating the entire bedspread. I remember her panicking as she
was near her due date. I remember the pale yellow bedspread on the bed they were playing on while I was in charge of handing them the little plastic houses and hotels. Suddenly my mother began hemorrhaging blood, saturating the entire bedspread. I remember her panicking as she
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was near her due date. I remember the pale yellow bedspread on the bed they were playing on while I was in charge of handing them the little plastic houses and hotels. Suddenly my mother began hemorrhaging blood, saturating the entire bedspread. I remember her panicking as she
was near her due date. I remember the pale yellow bedspread on the bed they were playing on while I was in charge of handing them the little plastic houses and hotels. Suddenly my mother began hemorrhaging blood, saturating the entire bedspread. I remember her panicking as she
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began to scream, yet I felt nothing. No fear, no surprise, not even the least bit of curiosity about what was occurring. It felt like just another day. The fact that I was only three years old and had no reaction to the heightened terror, chaos and confusion tells me I’d
began to scream, yet I felt nothing. No fear, no surprise, not even the least bit of curiosity about what was occurring. It felt like just another day. The fact that I was only three years old and had no reaction to the heightened terror, chaos and confusion tells me I’d
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already become numb to that threat level. To me it means that the heightened terror, the non-stop chaos and confusion was normal background music. What three year old has no response to her mother screaming and panicking while blood pours out of her? That belongs to a child
already become numb to that threat level. To me it means that the heightened terror, the non-stop chaos and confusion was normal background music. What three year old has no response to her mother screaming and panicking while blood pours out of her? That belongs to a child
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whose experience is a daily monotone of discontent.
I’d never been invited to even touch her belly. I’m sixty-one years old now and I’ve still never touched a pregnant woman’s belly. My terror of my mother combined with the fact that she didn’t like me touching her meant my
whose experience is a daily monotone of discontent.
I’d never been invited to even touch her belly. I’m sixty-one years old now and I’ve still never touched a pregnant woman’s belly. My terror of my mother combined with the fact that she didn’t like me touching her meant my
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exclusion from all things Joyce related whenever possible. She had never discussed anything regarding being pregnant, not even that a sister or brother was coming and what that would mean to our family. My mother never discussed anything about anything with me. She never
exclusion from all things Joyce related whenever possible. She had never discussed anything regarding being pregnant, not even that a sister or brother was coming and what that would mean to our family. My mother never discussed anything about anything with me. She never
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explained how anything worked or what I should do when it came to living life except for when it was time to punish me for doing it wrong. I’ve never felt a baby kick in a mother’s belly or anyone else’s for that matter. I would have really enjoyed that I think. I learned how
explained how anything worked or what I should do when it came to living life except for when it was time to punish me for doing it wrong. I’ve never felt a baby kick in a mother’s belly or anyone else’s for that matter. I would have really enjoyed that I think. I learned how
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to diaper a baby at age fifty-seven with my granddaughter Matilda, my stepdaughter Bianca’s second child. I felt so awkward and out of my element. The kind of awkwardness that makes you want to run from the room because you feel so ill equipped.
I’m assuming my father rushed
to diaper a baby at age fifty-seven with my granddaughter Matilda, my stepdaughter Bianca’s second child. I felt so awkward and out of my element. The kind of awkwardness that makes you want to run from the room because you feel so ill equipped.
I’m assuming my father rushed
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my mother to the hospital but I don’t remember. I have no memory of anyone filling me in about the drama of my mother hemorrhaging blood all over the bed or her screaming. My mother screaming was no different than when she came into the bathroom screaming with a cage full
my mother to the hospital but I don’t remember. I have no memory of anyone filling me in about the drama of my mother hemorrhaging blood all over the bed or her screaming. My mother screaming was no different than when she came into the bathroom screaming with a cage full
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of newborn hamsters. I was three years old and in the bathtub and my father was on the toilet pooping. She ran in screaming because she didn’t know what they were. Her screaming was the same as when she was hemorrhaging. Her screaming then was the same as every other time she
of newborn hamsters. I was three years old and in the bathtub and my father was on the toilet pooping. She ran in screaming because she didn’t know what they were. Her screaming was the same as when she was hemorrhaging. Her screaming then was the same as every other time she
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was screaming which was always. That was standard in our house. And no one told you anything about why she was screaming or what the chaos was about this time, which is another reason why, at 3 years old, I knew that I had to figure it out on my own. I knew nobody was coming
was screaming which was always. That was standard in our house. And no one told you anything about why she was screaming or what the chaos was about this time, which is another reason why, at 3 years old, I knew that I had to figure it out on my own. I knew nobody was coming
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to save me. She stayed at the hospital for a few days and I was put in a nursery school. As I said, the only time I was ever in a nursery school was if my mother wasn’t home. That nursery school sucked just as much as the one in Philadelphia. In Philadelphia an idiot boy
to save me. She stayed at the hospital for a few days and I was put in a nursery school. As I said, the only time I was ever in a nursery school was if my mother wasn’t home. That nursery school sucked just as much as the one in Philadelphia. In Philadelphia an idiot boy
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spit on me. I asked him to please stop but he continued. The teacher heard me pleading with him and punished me by hitting the back of my hand with a yardstick. I fucking still hate that fucking asshole kid and the unfairness of that whack on my hand still resonates today. In
spit on me. I asked him to please stop but he continued. The teacher heard me pleading with him and punished me by hitting the back of my hand with a yardstick. I fucking still hate that fucking asshole kid and the unfairness of that whack on my hand still resonates today. In
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the Tucson nursery school I was on the seesaw and it seemed like anyone that got on the other end would bail as soon as their feet hit the ground and I would always slam my butt down on the concrete when they did that. I find it funny that I still want to find them and deliver
the Tucson nursery school I was on the seesaw and it seemed like anyone that got on the other end would bail as soon as their feet hit the ground and I would always slam my butt down on the concrete when they did that. I find it funny that I still want to find them and deliver
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the Tucson nursery school I was on the seesaw and it seemed like anyone that got on the other end would bail as soon as their feet hit the ground and I would always slam my butt down on the concrete when they did that. I find it funny that I still want to find them and deliver
the Tucson nursery school I was on the seesaw and it seemed like anyone that got on the other end would bail as soon as their feet hit the ground and I would always slam my butt down on the concrete when they did that. I find it funny that I still want to find them and deliver
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a ration of crap in return. Hahahaha!! Imagine a woman in her sixties showing up to your door screaming, “Hey asshole! Remember the fucking seesaw you piece of shit? Well here’s my return answer that I wasn't able to give you then for fear of authoritative retribution!” The
a ration of crap in return. Hahahaha!! Imagine a woman in her sixties showing up to your door screaming, “Hey asshole! Remember the fucking seesaw you piece of shit? Well here’s my return answer that I wasn't able to give you then for fear of authoritative retribution!” The
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fantasy ends there because my adult brain kicks in. There’s really no satisfaction because it’s decades too late and what is an equal response to a three year old playing a trick on you when you’re in your sixties? Plus realistically they would have called the cops before I
fantasy ends there because my adult brain kicks in. There’s really no satisfaction because it’s decades too late and what is an equal response to a three year old playing a trick on you when you’re in your sixties? Plus realistically they would have called the cops before I
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could really do anything, and obviously they’d be right to do so because obviously I’m not well.
When my father brought my mother home from the hospital nothing about her losing the baby was mentioned. In fact it was never mentioned in the future either. I was fifty-seven
could really do anything, and obviously they’d be right to do so because obviously I’m not well.
When my father brought my mother home from the hospital nothing about her losing the baby was mentioned. In fact it was never mentioned in the future either. I was fifty-seven
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years old when I asked her about losing Howard. She looked up at me with the face of a small and broken child. Empty and terrified to the degree of numbness. She said, “They wouldn’t even let me hold him.” What struck me as odd is not what she said but how she looked at
years old when I asked her about losing Howard. She looked up at me with the face of a small and broken child. Empty and terrified to the degree of numbness. She said, “They wouldn’t even let me hold him.” What struck me as odd is not what she said but how she looked at
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me when she said it. It was as if she was upset with me that I didn’t fix it back then and what was I planning to do to make it better for her now? It felt like she was upset with me that I hadn’t made it all better for her. Instead of wanting to comfort her and continue
me when she said it. It was as if she was upset with me that I didn’t fix it back then and what was I planning to do to make it better for her now? It felt like she was upset with me that I hadn’t made it all better for her. Instead of wanting to comfort her and continue
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talking about it I wanted to get away from her immediately. That’s the entire extent of the conversation about Howard, my baby brother, dying. That was the only conversation that we ever had about that event.
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talking about it I wanted to get away from her immediately. That’s the entire extent of the conversation about Howard, my baby brother, dying. That was the only conversation that we ever had about that event.
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