"Things I Overheard at Tiffany Trump’s Wedding Today" 🧵
Donald: “I want to make a toast to Ivanka’s sister. This is such a happy day. Almost as happy as the day I became President. Wow, that day makes every other day seem really insignificant, doesn’t it? YUGE WIN! Much bigger win than Ron Duh Satanist's and it was stolen from me...”
Melania: “No, I just check PayPal, Donald. No transfer to be here. I say "bye" in six language, if only I could. I’ll be with my personal trainer, Alexei.”
Ivanka: “Don’t you wish whatshername could find more occasions to wear a veil?”
Ivanka: “Don’t you wish whatshername could find more occasions to wear a veil?”
Tiffany: “Vanky! I love your latest boobs. Well, one of them.”
Laura Loomer: “Let me in, loser! He endorsed me! That’s BETTER than a goddamn invite! I’m the Ultra MAGA Queen!!!”
Don Jr: “Usher, Kim and me would like to sit with the not-yet-indicted.”
Laura Loomer: “Let me in, loser! He endorsed me! That’s BETTER than a goddamn invite! I’m the Ultra MAGA Queen!!!”
Don Jr: “Usher, Kim and me would like to sit with the not-yet-indicted.”
Waiter: “Sorry, Mr. Giuliani, but it’s a CASH bar. Would you prefer water?”
Trump’s Grandson: “Mommy, who is that scary, yelling man with the red face and yellow hair?”
Guest: “Oh, look! What fun! Under each centerpiece, there’s a surprise nuclear secret!”
Trump’s Grandson: “Mommy, who is that scary, yelling man with the red face and yellow hair?”
Guest: “Oh, look! What fun! Under each centerpiece, there’s a surprise nuclear secret!”
Lindsey: “Well, look at you, you tall drink of water. Honey, you may call yourself Secret Service, but there’s no secret that Imma fixing to call you my plus-one. Prrrrrrrrrr!”
Caterer: “But you promised you would have payment TODAY, Mr. Trump.”
Caterer: “But you promised you would have payment TODAY, Mr. Trump.”
Kimberly: “Listen, Don Junior and I are expecting a very IMPORTANT package from a very DEAR friend from, ur, Peru. Let him in the SECOND he gets here. Well, then put him on the FUCKING LIST!”
Donald: “Doesn’t the bride have great tits?”
Donald: “Doesn’t the bride have great tits?”
Jeanine: “Waddaya mean you’re CUTTING ME OFF? I’m NOT drunk! Get me another tumbler of Chianti. But firsht, help me up off this shtupid carpet!”
Matt Gaetz: “So which high school do you go to? You’re not recording this, are you?”
Matt Gaetz: “So which high school do you go to? You’re not recording this, are you?”
Eric: “Lara, while everyone’s singing ‘Best President Ever’ I’ll pull up the Range Rover and you grab the goody bags.”
Marla: “Melania, love what you’ve done with the face—ur, I mean PLACE. Bless your heart.”
Marla: “Melania, love what you’ve done with the face—ur, I mean PLACE. Bless your heart.”
Donald: “Excuse me! Excuse me! Before you answer whether you ‘I do’ or not, Tiffany, can I have everyone’s attention? I have an important announcement. I AM running in 2024! Thank you! Thank you! Yes, this has turned into a great day, hasn’t it?”
Kellyanne: "It seems almost a pity to cut Tiffany's wedding cake. All those Donalds look so handsome in frosting."
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