It's possible to be raised in a 2 parent home and have a single parent experience, emotionally.
HERE'S HOW (🧵):
HERE'S HOW (🧵):
Many people are raised in a home with 2 physically present parents, but one of those parents is completely emotionally absent.
This can be because:
- they're always working (rarely home)
- they have an addiction or health issue
- they're emotionally neglectful
- they're dissociated (numb, "spaced out")
- they have a belief that parenting is to be done solely by the other parent
- they're always working (rarely home)
- they have an addiction or health issue
- they're emotionally neglectful
- they're dissociated (numb, "spaced out")
- they have a belief that parenting is to be done solely by the other parent
Adults from these home feel conflicted.
They had both parents.
But, one of those parents never formed an emotional connection with them.
This creates an abandonment wound.
They had both parents.
But, one of those parents never formed an emotional connection with them.
This creates an abandonment wound.
As children, we don't understand why a parent would be physically present, but emotionally absent.
We internalize the belief that: we're not lovable, we're unworthy, or that something about us caused this behavior.
We internalize the belief that: we're not lovable, we're unworthy, or that something about us caused this behavior.
In order to make sense of the absence and keep the love we have for our parent: we blame ourselves.
Our abandonment wounding is carried into adult relationships.
Our abandonment wounding is carried into adult relationships.
Abandonment wounding shows up as:
- inability to trust people will stay with us
- inability to ask for help or accept help
- low self worth
- unconsciously seeking emotionally unavailable partners and then trying to "fix" or change them
- inability to trust people will stay with us
- inability to ask for help or accept help
- low self worth
- unconsciously seeking emotionally unavailable partners and then trying to "fix" or change them
- not having boundaries
- controlling behaviors
- avoidant behaviors (if I don't connect with people, I won't be left)
- hypervigilance: chronic focus on what people are thinking or feeling about us
- controlling behaviors
- avoidant behaviors (if I don't connect with people, I won't be left)
- hypervigilance: chronic focus on what people are thinking or feeling about us
It's common for people who've experienced this, to gaslight themselves (or deny their own reality.)
They may tell themselves they should just "be grateful" they had parents.
Or, "hero worship" the emotionally absent parent in an attempt to self protect.
They may tell themselves they should just "be grateful" they had parents.
Or, "hero worship" the emotionally absent parent in an attempt to self protect.
The reality is, emotional abandonment by a parent (for any reason) is emotionally crushing for us as children.
And our healing is about making peace, and accepting all we feel about that parent.
And our healing is about making peace, and accepting all we feel about that parent.
If you found this thread helpful follow: @Theholisticpsyc
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
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