Thread by @BluesRaucous

#Cuckold #Hotwife #Wannabe Here is the gist of a short practice #speech I made last night "Asking for a friend: communication skills for intimate conversations" The tricky bit was to use a humorous story to help with the message. @podofeleus @_ryangould99 @MilfVibez 🧵1/19

Let me tell you a story. My wife's best friend is Fiona and they go way back to their teenage years. Fiona was my wife's maid of honour. At one time, when they had not seen each other for a while, they had both agreed to meet a conveniently located museum with tea shop...2/19

Together they went from exhibit to exhibit, gallery to gallery, floor to floor for hour after hour and mile after mile. They filled their time reading all the small print of every exhibit and making polite conversation. 3/19

Eventually, 5 minutes before the tea shop closed, one asked the other if they could call it a day in the museum and go for a cup of tea. The other one said "OMG I thought you would never ask! I've been absolutely dying for a tea break since we got here". 4/19

It transpired they would both would have been better off chatting over tea all day long. Instead they virtually needed a physiotherapist to get them home.
It's a failure of interpersonal communication where politeness has triumphed over candidness. 5/19

The same thing happens in our relationships. Let me ask you do you know your partner's ultimate fantasy? Do they know yours? Mostly the answer is NO. A point well made by Katie Hotwife on page 19 of her book amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07… 6/19

Does poor intimate communication between couples matter? Yes! Divorce rates in first marriages are between 45-65%. Within couples fewer than 1/5 are content, 60% are not content and 2/3 of those are considering splitting. Over time it only gets worse. 7/19 psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contem…

Our relationships matter. We look to each other to exclusively supply our needs for intimacy and other things. We feel it even more now that we are distant from our extended families and the strong communities of our youth. The nuclear family! 8/19

The reasons for relationship dissatisfaction are lack of communication, lack of common interests, lack of sex, outright boredom!
Why are candid intimate conversations so neglected? 9/19

We are afraid of being laughed at or scaring our partner away. We all want to be socially accepted to be seen as socially good. The deck is stack again couples because sex with religion and politics are divisive social taboos in polite conversation 10/19 bronva.com/news/asking-fo…

Interpersonal communications can be tricky. They are irreversible - your can only apologize if you regret saying something. They are unrepeatable - you will never get the same conversation twice as context and moods have changed. 11/19 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpers…

Communication is transactional -much like two dancers it is the to and forth cooperation that makes for great conversation not each person's communications skills per se. Communication is intentional, but can also be unintentional when things are overheard or gossiped! 12/19

All is not lost. I am going to offer three area for improvement and a game to bring them together. These are ideas from the internet melded with a decade of experience in a communication and leadership organization 13/19 A useful article hhma.org/healthadvisor/…

ENVIRONMENT - the context. Seek consent to help ensure you are both in the same headspace to talk. Make it a safe space that is open, honest, and non judgmental. Make it clear boundaries are respected - no pressure. Manage expectations - baby steps. Eliminate distractions. 14/19

LISTENING - talk less. Listen to understand, paraphrase what you heard and ask questions for clarity. Your partner will engage in the conversation better if listened to, valued, and validated - more than if you lecture at them or firehose your partner with info! 15/19

VULNERABLE - demonstrate your trust. If you give glimpses of your soul it demonstrates your trust in your partner and it makes it easier for them to build trust with you. Together you begin to build a mutual intimate 'naughty' space that only you two share. Think gradual! 16/19

A fun ACTIVITY. Mutually asking questions is a great way to bring it all together, Example "If you could invite anyone to dinner who would it be and why?" or "If you could write a letter to your younger self what would you say and why?" and so on 17/19 positivepsychology.com/3-communicatio…

Give each other a couple of minutes to answer. This activity will be a whole load of find help you listen, develop vulnerability and get used to setting a conducive environment. Playfulness, curiosity and intimacy will grow. Not bad at all. 18/19

Conclusion. Poor intimate communication skills abound in couples creating dissatisfaction and loss of fulfilment. Try creating a safe environment for intimate conversations, listening more than talking and being vulnerable. Use questions for closeness. Have fun 19/19

For info. Read up and follow the thread...Where i got to pulling together the short talk on communication skills and intimate conversations @KathrynRegent @CuckoldressV @venusohara1111 @MistressNurture

@threadreaderapp unroll